Sunny, Thank you for your kind words. You are oh so sweet. You don't know how much it means to me to have someone take an interest in my "story" and hope for a good ending, alas, I don't believe that is going to happen. She has done things like this before, but we've never been out of touch for so long. After 8 months of no communication and 5-6 months of her being blocked, I thought maybe she had changed- even though her first text to me was indirect and crappy, pretending to be texting a business. Then her one word reply and after I ask how she's doing...nothing. In the back of my mind, I knew this was probably the outcome. I cant keep waiting. I've waiting months for her, before. I can't keep doing this to myself and hoping in the next few days, she'll change her mind. She's already made up her mind. Perhaps she used me as an ego boost. Who knows? But you're right: I believe this may be the very thing I need to move on from her. I wonder if I'm now going to put all of my same-sex desires on the shelf or sweep them under the rug. I've done that before. It's not an intentional thing, but once I'm hurt enough, I just start to detach my feelings. I don't know how it's possible but she broke my heart all over again. My husband took me out for drinks, dinner, and dessert. I'm a little buzzed right now and will probably take another shot to ease the pain. I don't want to be crying all night. In the morning when I sober up, I'm going to change my phone number. I need a change and I don't want her to have a number I would have assumed she would have deleted from her phone, long ago. But, how are you my dear? How are things on your end? How's everything going for you?
Again, I'm so very sorry. She obviously has issues with immaturity. Why is it so difficult for people to just SAY how they feel. I'm so glad you're a little numb, it would be good to get a good night's sleep and consider tomorrow your pick yourself up by your bootstraps and start focusing on you and how you're gonna proceed kinda day. You deserve to be happy Cali, I promise. My day went well but obviously could've went a lot better. We talked, I got emotional, we kissed, I cried, she cried. We drove ourselves home while on the phone...it's all so f'n strange...I can't stop loving her ❤
It is Cali but it's all I have. She's beginning to pull away more and I started feeling it yesterday...the kiss was short and the hug was tighter and longer, my heart dropped. I feel like I can't live without her but I may have to learn to. I do still live at home with my husband, children and in-laws who moved in 3 years ago. Sometimes I feel like I'm in this locked little box and only she has the key to let me out. I Iove her so deeply and I've surely lost myself in her.
Wow Sunny! And here I am griping about my situation. Your's is heart-wrenching!! I'm so sorry. And then to have to go home to a house full of people and you only want to be with one person. I do understand your "locked little box" analogy, all too well. My heart goes out to you!
Sometimes I just sit and cry remembering how we made plans and that now it's like someone just came along and wiped the slate clean...everything just disappeared and we're like the Sun and the Moon, crossing on the horizon but never sharing the sky...it's so incredibly hard to even consider it ending...my tears are dropping on my phone screen as I type. I'm just so sad about my life right now. I'm sorry for being so selfish and that you didn't get your message yesterday, I truly am ❤
No worries!! As far as my situation, I wonder if she really had me listed under a business name to hide it from her husband. It was as if her husband didn't know she and I were friends. Like she was trying to hide it from him. She never texted during the evening, only during the day and it was like she was trying to dissuade me from texting during the night, when she was home. That makes her even sneakier, though, right? Dang it. She has me so confused. Why say "sorry" and then not say anything else? I just don't get her!!
She MAY be crazy...just sayin' lol ---------- Post added 19th May 2016 at 11:05 AM ---------- Maybe she had crazy FEELINGS for you too but just couldn't face them...I denied my feelings for quite a while before I let go and just let it happen. Hell I don't know, you seem awesome so I don't get it. How does your husband feel about all this, does he know?
He's worried for me because he knows how bad I've been hurt by her actions. It breaks my heart each time. With her, I just can't...I don't know, I just can't get angry. I make excuses for her. My husband is pretty cut and dry, he said, "It doesn't matter one way or the other. If she text messaged you like that, knowing exactly that it was you who she was texting, then that's bad...if she had you listed under an alias on her phone and was hiding you for some reason, then that's bad too. Either way, it's not good for you." But I was and still am IN LOVE with the woman. But she's not good for me. My mind is spinning. Now, I'm thinking if she had me listed under an alias on her phone to not have her husband know about our friendship, then she did this completely accidentally and just doesn't wish to speak to me, apart from saying sorry...and that kills me, too. Ugh. I can't believe I'm back here AGAIN. Sorry Sunny, I know you have your own stuff going on.
She was always pushing me away and dissuading me from texting her during the evening. She'd only reply during the day. The things she said made it seem like her husband didn't know exactly who she was hanging out with. Why the heck would you do that? I don't understand. So either, she knew exactly who she was texting or she had me listed under an alias and has completely forgotten all about me. I don't know which one is worse. And I woke up feeling so well about this today. Now that's taken a turn downhill.
Today, I'm at home. Worst day ever to be home. I'm stuck waiting for the a/c man to service our house and my car is at GMC getting a service...so I won't have it back until 5:30. Awesome. So, I'm in the house all day. Yay!
Oh no, that stinks =/ Are you in So Cal? There's lots of things to do and it's gorgeous outside too!!
You could go for a walk!! I love nature...the Sun, flowers, trees and I love to take pictures of the sky anytime of the day...it's a great way to take your mind off of every day stuff. There's so much beauty around us and most of us never realize it until we start looking for it on purpose.
Yes, you're very right. As soon as I get some work done around the house, as much as I can right now, I'll take you up on your suggestion.
