Soooooooooo sexually frustrated

I'm not liking your husband's control of your once a month viewing of girl on girl. It's one thing to want your partner in a committed monogamous relationship to be faithful but this is something else. It's almost like he wants to not just control the sex but also your internal sexuality. This is wrong. Sorry you're in this situation.

 

yea it is painful...then u start feeling its not fair, why u...not to mention wanting sumone u cant have does sum damage to ur self esteem/confidence, did for me anyways....this last girl strung me along while she was in a relationship, she would tell me everything i wanted to hear and send me beautiful pictures of herself and just made me want her so bad even more...then out of nowhere tells me to fuk off and that she hates me, shattered my heart...and here i am still have deep feelings for her cuz truth is i cant hate her or even be mad at her, i loved her...to make it harder, she got engaged to her girlfriend which made me feel so lost, cuz all along i thought in my heart that maybe shed come back to me when a time was right, but learning it was probly all in my head makes me feel even more shattered...i didnt think id ever get over this, but as more time goes by the days get easier...like i said its been 4 months even tho i think about her every single day for now, i too wish i met a new girl to transfer that love into...and thats really how it happens actually...her tho i feel i might still think about regardless but i guess well see...hang in there...ps, do u have kids with ur husband?

 

Yeah, I totally agree. The husband's control is alarming. The OP is far more dedicated to her husband than I could be in that situation.
When I was married to my husband I had the control in that situation. Sure I got his permission to have a sexual experience with a woman but I also didn't really give him much choice in the matter. He knew going into the marriage that I had an attraction to woman so when the situation did come up I reminded him that this was always a possibility down the road. I basically laid the ground work as my relationship evolved with my female friend. I INFORMED him every step of the way and would remind him of the importance of the experience and what it meant to me and my happiness. If my husband and I were going to continue this was something that I needed to do and experience or it would eat at me and ultimately destroy the marriage anyway. He eventually agreed to let me have sex with a woman but like I said he really didn't have too much choice in the matter....it's that or I was going to leave him to find out on my own. Honestly he was as supportive as any guy could be in the situation and I'm sure that is why I went through so much guilt over the whole mess. I'm not proud of the manipulation that I used on him but the compulsion to be with a woman was too strong for me to just brush off. It's all I thought about and consumed my desires where I could no longer even have sex with him. So ultimately my marriage was doomed either way.

 

Congrats man!!

 

Sexual frustration is something I deal with everyday almost over here. As some of you may have seen, I myself have contemplated the idea of cheating on my husband. I know it makes me sound like a bad person, but I need to to be satisfied one way or another. I usually just please myself but after a while it gets boring so I back away from it. The only time I can make myself get intimate with my husband is when I get drunk. And thats basically letting him take advantage of me, even though he's drunk at the time too. Its so messy...I swear...

 

Allow me to recommend two books for you. One I've read, the other is on my list to read, just haven't gotten around to it yet.

The one I've read is "The Ethical Slut." This one explores the ethics of responsible non-monogamy. It covers topics like jealousy, marriage, different types of non-monogamous relationships, and other great topics.

The one on my list is "More than Two" about polyamory. I've read reviews that say it's a very good treatise on polyamory and how it can affect existing relationships.

For myself, I am in a poly relationship with my wife. She knows I'm pansexual and polyamorous. For herself, she is monogamous by choice, but has considered the idea of an outside relationship from time to time. The best advice I can give is honesty. Be honest with each other. Respect each others' boundaries, but talk about those boundaries so that everyone knows where they are.

I hope that helps,

Morgana

 

Ok so we just became friends you and I. I just came on here to post something vaguely similar and I'm rather going to comment on your post. My husband knows I'm bisexual as well, you're a few years older than me and my relationship has been 8 years - a man- we are married and people mostly don't know I'm bi. For a while growing up I had a serious complex over it and was convinced I was a lesbian but could like boys and needed to blot out the gay... That is after I learned lesbians were a thing because well in the 90s ellen was gay and that girl from that Harrison ford movie with the boyish hair and I didn't even understand that... Just knew I pined over the ladies and had to force myself to go out with the boys and it was always just thinking I didn't have feelings for these guys so I would push it too far or they'd get the cold shoulder... And then go home and cry. Oddly I'm one of those you're expendable or you're mine kind of people and I latch on so it's all or nothing and that makes friendships hard because people stress me out and I push them away. I never thought i would marry a man but I love him and he is my best friend and i cannot picture myself without him. Now that said ... I can't sleep... I think about women like 75% of the day and I'm going out on a limb here and guessing you know how hard it is to find good lesbian porn.,, I get you though... Men it's mechanical almost . Now the boy is good for a tumble like 10/11 but he will never be a woman. It's holding her on your arms as she screams and her toes curl and... That's what turns me on and I get really sick of all this boy bits nonsense. Men are quite sensitive and while I would never cheat on him with a man... Honestly he's it for men for me, I really hope he lives forever because I don't have any coming out to relatives because I've taken up with a woman and you know I Will marry her goals but it bothers me I don't have a wife... Like I'm missing something and porn can take the edge off, sorry your husband is so controlling but good he's there for you in it? I'm sorry you're feeling like this, I feel your pain really I do... I've thought maybe this would go away since I was in primary school telling my mates I wished we could get married... It hasn't. Also the world isn't fair to bisexual women especially married to men.,, like I don't want to date a bisexual or someone in a relationship with a man but that's who I am so that's such a double standard.,, like since my husband already is all three ways fine me running off bad ... It's like ok I could have a woman for a night with the man in the way but that's it or something when I really just want to love a woman, like live with her and wake up with her in my arms and I don't know... Just look at her... Also I'm very quirky and so specific... Like one of those men with 3 identical ex wives so my husband is always chuckling when say we watch a movie and he knows I'm going to think the actress is hot.,. Like I don't trust that should the situation arise I won't do certain things because it makes me crazy and that freaks me. I don't have advice really I guess... Just know you are not alone at all...

 

I just read this Cali...I SO get it! Every word you spoke about what you're looking for has come out of my mouth. The deep feelings, the intimacy, the love making, hearts/minds communicating on a level that can't be described in words. That longing for her to touch your cheek or run her fingers through your hair...to hear her voice saying your name or her skin melting into yours...I COMPLETLY understand darlin', I feel SO much the same.
I am always here and I'm so sorry it took me so long to read this...I feel so deeply for you, it is an ache, a desire and a longing that you deserve to fulfill on every level, the pain you're feeling WILL be joy and love and excitement one day.

I'm always here =)

 

I definitely get how you all feel (but from the other direction I suppose). For those that really cannot summon the attraction to a man what are reasons that you stay? Is there something else that is strong enough to keep you with them?

For those of you who are bi...train your husbands. After 30 some years I am in "school" again with my wife. We have agreed to start over in the bedroom. I am hoping that my bisexuality can be integrated into that. We will see.

I hear you talk about how it feels to make love to a woman and, frankly, thats how it feels to me when I make love to my wife. I guess it is up to me to make sure it is a two way experience which I don't think it has.

Men are pigs. But we are trainable. And, some of us are pretty generous when we understand. So, maybe your husbands can develop a deeper understanding of your sexual needs and be more receptive to your finding "girl time".

 

I can totally relate to this, I am hoping it goes away but it seems to be getting worse

 

I'm not getting over anybody, but I know the feeling of wanting a same sex encounter so bad. I'm tempted to hook up with any decently attractive man. Ugh. Actually, I'd take any decently attractive woman right now too, as long as I get some. But I'd prefer a guy. So frustrating.:bang:

 

Yeah, that's pretty much it. I mean, I've been horny before and wanted a woman. But this is a whole different animal. It's an urge I can't get rid of. The last few days I was more into women, I wanted a woman, but this insatiable urge I have for men still would not go away....now today? I don't even want to touch a woman. But a man? Oh my god, I want one sooooo bad. :bang: (I'm getting a headache)

 

Yes but if you were to do a quick hook up with a woman wouldn't you be worried it would just be screwing as well? Would you be able to have that emotional connection if you didn't already know the girl for awhile?

And also....are you looking to leave your marraige?

 

I'm going to be blunt: Leave him. Honestly, judging by your posts, I think you've emotionally checked out of the marriage. Don't hurt both of you by dragging yourself through the mud.

Get out. Hook up with one of your friends girls. I think you'll feel better, and it's the right thing for both you, and your husband.