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How often do genderfluid people shift?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Delta, May 15, 2016.

  1. Delta

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    So I've been tracking my gendered feelings in a spreadsheet for a month and a half now, and I've noticed that my gender changes at least a little bit pretty much constantly. I have major shifts too, about daily. Maybe 2-3 times a day. And I don't know if it's just doubt talking, but I somehow get the feeling that that's not how I'm "supposed" to be genderfluid. I feel like I should be changing like weekly, or at least less frequently than this. Not that there's anything I can do to stop or control it...

    But now I'm incredibly curious. How often do other genderfluid people experience shifts? Can they control theirs? Have the frequency of shifts changed over time? What's it like for you?
     
  2. intherye

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    Not sure I should be talking about my experiences here because I don't necessarily ID as genderfluid, but for me (since I've been monitoring it so for about six months) my gender goes through a big change every couple of weeks to couple of months, and within those states it much more subtly changes a few times a day? So for example, last month I felt like a boy for the whole month but within feeling like a boy it'd fluctuate between super strong feelings and dysphoria and only not really being noticeable within one day. And about controlling it, I feel like I can't at all but I might easily be naive about that.

    I have a genderfluid friend who's told me they are almost always somewhere between agender and male, and they move about within that area three to four times a day. Also, when I first discovered the idea of being genderfluid I thought 'all' genderfluid people's gender changed daily. So what I'm trying to say is I think that's normal and there are other people who feel similar.

    Also, your signature always makes me happy :slight_smile:
     
  3. looking for me

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    im Bi gender but it's pretty fluid. i can change a couple times in a conversation, or during the day, or sometimes i can go a few days as one without the other surfacing (but that one is pretty rare) does make for an interesting ride.
     
  4. versturk

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    For me, I hardly change. If I do change it lasts for a couple days. An example is: about a month ago, I felt genderless (as usual) then the next moment I felt extremely feminine for about 3 days maybe.
     
  5. Hats

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    Here's my graph, from the 15th to the 30th of June (when I was finally able to keep a consistent record). Because it's usually stored on my work computer I've had to add in values for weekends when I didn't record them. These were recorded as 100% boy, because that was largely the case.

    [​IMG]

    I finally came out to myself and my girlfriend on the 16th of June. You can see that there were a bunch of spikes the next day, and then they've sort of slowed down since then. Some of the 100% spikes have come with social dysphoria ("I hate how my male body masks my inner girl") and others have not. You can also see how it's not straight jumps from boy to girl, which is why I tend to reject being purely bigender. Did anyone else's fluctuations slow after they came out? :slight_smile:

    Oh, and happy 4th anniversary, Delta! :icon_bigg
     
    #5 Hats, Jul 3, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2016
  6. Delta

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    Mine sped way up, actually! I used to feel it more subtly and there was a lot longer between shifts, like several days, and then since coming out I've been hyperaware of all my gendered feelings. In a way I made my experience of gender worse by coming to terms with it because now I just care so much about everything all the time, and it's really a huge change from repressing it and just never letting anything suggest that possibility. :rolle:

    I guess that it may be true that the longer it's been since first coming out, the slower the shifts have been, but still nowhere near as slow as when I wasn't out to anybody.

    These are my charts. A lot of the slow down is just because I've been getting lazy since it's summer and not charting all the time. :lol:
    April [​IMG]
    May [​IMG]
    June [​IMG]


    And thank you! It seems I've been here a long time! I guess I was fresh out of high school when I joined. I took a long break in the middle in between settling my little gay and discovering my trans issues. But even though the particular people come and go, EC has a really positive atmosphere the whole time, and I like that about it. :thumbsup:
     
  7. Hats

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    Yes, I'm with you here. When I had my "defining moment" on the 29th of April it was like the first few bricks starting to fall - my fluctuations went from every few months or whatever to daily for about a week and then they stopped almost completely for a whole month while I was back home. Then they started again two nights after I got back and coming to terms was like detonating a dam - hypersensitive and spikes all over the place with long periods at the feminine end, as you can see on the graph. I know my feelings were aggravating the shifts because they can be triggered by highly emotional situations, and as I've got more used to everything the shifts haven't been so frequent. Now that I've been at 100% boy all day for five days straight it's tempting to go back into the questioning phase, but given the certainty and feeling of "rightness" I had when I came to terms, it's probably only a matter of time before the shifts start again.

    I still love your geeky graphs! I was starting to wonder how they had continued. It's good to see they are as beautifully chaotic as ever. :lol:
     
    #7 Hats, Jul 4, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2016
  8. Delta

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    I've also had being around family/certain people induce specific overwhelming genders! Like being around my Dad for some reason makes me really feel agender, and stuff like that. I'm also often tempted to go back into the "questioning" phase. Am I a trans dude? Am I a cis girl? No and no, I just visit there occasionally. :grin: The reason I made the graphs in the first place was a little based in wanting to comfort myself that I really was fluid and make it so there was less self doubt even in the face of really strong gendered feelings.

    Right now I'm kind of enjoying a more sedate time flow, I'm on my first summer vacation in several years so the days are kinda blending together. So, the daily changes are becoming a "oh huh, it changed. How long was that?" affair instead. :lol:

    Also, thank you for liking my graphs! I'm glad they're not annoying, I kinda feel like I spam them a bit because I enjoy having them!

    By the way, this is my 1000th post. EC Milestones everywhere!
     
    #8 Delta, Jul 6, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2016
  9. gravechild

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    Hey, congrats on your 1,000 post. :slight_smile:

    I'm not technically "fluid", so take what you will, but don't notice any fixed patterns. It's hard to tell if I'm comfortable being identified as male, or merely used to it. Perhaps it's the privilege that comes with it, and acts as a sort of safety net? It's pretty confining, at the same time.

    It's one reason I prefer the net, since I don't get so many "dudes" and "mans" from people trying to be friendly. A lot of friends and such still remember a time when I was more or less identifying as male, but otherwise, assumptions are made on conversation style and topics brought up.
     
  10. Ham4Ham

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    Currently debating on whether I like the genderfluid label for me since I feel like my experiences don't necessarily line up with those of the quintessential genderfluid person, but my gender does definitely shift. For me, it changes at least daily, often with small fluctuations throughout the day (I don't record those though). I haven't noticed a lot in terms of trends yet, except that if I stay at home all day I'm more likely to feel agender than if I go out.

    And I love the ways you guys are charting your shifts! Right now I'm just drawing pie charts in a journal, which is nice in some ways since I'm a visual person and feel better approximating pie slices as opposed to making up percentages every day, but I really like how y'all can look at your graphs and easily visualize changes... maybe I should make the shift.
     
  11. A Chrome Swan

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    Love the idea of the charts!

    Mine can shift several times a day but not usually to extremes. I guess I am mostly mentally a mix of the two but oddly when I go to the extremes it makes me unhappy.

    If I shift almost completely male (rare) then I hate myself for it and that makes me sad. If I shift almost completely female then it makes me sad that my body does not match my mind. It can be tricky can't it? especially when you throw fluid sexuality into the mix.
     
  12. LaurenSkye

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    In the past I go through periods in which I feel very feminine. Usually it lasts for a week or two and then I go back to being more of a guy.

    However, for the last few weeks or so, I have felt more feminine, not super feminine, just more feminine than masculine. This period has lasted longer than usual and while usually my feminine period start with a change in my daily routine or an unusually happy period, this period started when things were just the same as they had been for me.
     
  13. Delta

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    I think that's as close to quintessential as it gets. Or, at very least, that strongly parallels my experience as a genderfluid person. I also feel more agender alone, or when I'm tired. (I call it "too tired to gender" :lol:slight_smile:. But, it is your identity, and you know what best describes you. :slight_smile:

    Also, pie slices convert very very nicely into percents! Just imagine the circle as totaling 100, and every piece makes up a part of that. :slight_smile: A fifth of the pie is 20%, a quarter 25%, a third 33% etc. And you can just squish the numbers in any direction if it's between sizes. Or, if you're feeling more or less gendered, consider your overall pie to be more or less. Like, if you're having a day when it's like not really 100% gendered but closer to 70%, and half of that is masculine, it'd be 35%. :slight_smile: Sorry, I just really have a math brain, so converting everything to numbers makes sense to me. Also, it's not one or the other, you can do either or both. :slight_smile:
     
  14. Ham4Ham

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    Haha, thanks Delta! What I meant when I said my experiences didn't necessarily line up with those of the typical genderfluid person was that I very, very rarely feel male, and only very slightly when it does happen. And that makes me a little uncomfortable using the genderfluid label since in my experiences, there's a lot of emphasis on switching between binary genders and changes in clothes and pronouns and names to go along with the switches. I just don't really feel the urge to do any of those things, for a variety of reasons, but I'm afraid people will assume my experiences will fit that narrative and I don't really want to explain my life story to any rando who asks (I say as I'm explaining my life story to someone who didn't ask, lol).

    But yeah, back to the actual topic at hand-- as much as I think I might enjoy the benefits of also doing a line graph type of deal as well as pie charts, I probably won't because I really, really do not have a math brain and more importantly, I am incredibly lazy and have enough trouble as it is getting myself to draw my pie charts, even when I think about what I'll draw for them all day! But I do appreciate all of your support and advice :slight_smile:
     
  15. Distant Echo

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    A lot. Seriously. A lot. I can veer wildly some days, then go days pretty settled, then be all over the place for the next week.
     
  16. Hats

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    Yes, I did the graphs for the same reason. Making the graph showed me that my fluctuations have been more frequent than I remember. I've had nearly a fortnight of feeling very male but every time I think of calling it quits on the genderfluid tag, something happens to destabilise my maleness and cause a shift.
     
  17. Delta

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    I'm only extremely rarely one binary gender, that almost never happens. On my charts I never ever go 100% one thing, because I never feel that way. Binary genders are as unnecessary to me as they are icky. :lol:

    Other people can do binary genders, but I really don't think they're for me. Fluidity and multifaceted gender are the name of my game. I prefer having just my birthname (which I rarely use with only strangers I'm not out to), and my neutral name, that I use with every other gender presentation.

    Most people aren't going to have enough information about gender fluidity to make an assumption about what that means you'll be like, and if they do have enough information to make that assumption, they'll probably be amicable to more info about how you really are, too.

    Unfortunately, with nonbinary gender, I don't think there's any option (at this point in time) that will save you from having to explain it to most everyone you come out to. Many many people don't even know genders exist outside man and woman. The way I see it, I'm going to have to explain it to a ton of people all the time, so I might as well just pick the term I find fits best, and explain it in accordance with my own experiences. If anyone's going to know about my gender, they're gonna need it explained, and if they're not going to know about my gender, then they're irrelevant to my choices. :icon_wink