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Bi/Lesbian friendships

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by dirtyshirt84, May 15, 2016.

  1. dirtyshirt84

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    I'm just curious...do people find their bi/lesbian friendships different to those with straight friends? And if so, in what way? Aside from obviously been able to talk about girls you find attractive ;-) Are the boundaries different?

    Also when you find yourself attracted to a straight friend (I'm sure a lot of people here have experienced that at some point), how have you dealt with that? What was the outcome? This has happened to me in the past and it's a bit like hitting your head off a brick wall, something I'm keen to avoid in the future.

    I feel for me in the past the lines between friendship and something more have become blurry with certain people, just wondering if anyone can relate?
     
  2. CapColors

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    Please people answer this thread! I am clueless and desperate for advice in this area.
     
  3. Gunsmoke

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    I'm not sure how useful my reply will be as I'm pretty quiet, but in my experience, there's very little difference in my friendships with bi/pan girls and my friendships with straight girls. I mean, with my bi/pan friends we of course discuss LGBTQ+ culture more often and sometimes they make jokes like "three gay girls walk into a bathroom..." (when we actually did) or they jokingly flirt, but it's minimal. As for myself, I suppose I find it easier to talk about bisexuality with these friends because I don't need to worry about being judged or anything.

    About falling for a straight friend... I have done but not really? I mean, she said that she liked me but otherwise seemed to exclusively like men, but I may be wrong there. Then she got a boyfriend. We're still friends - online friends because she lives across the ocean - and I find myself lowkey trying to figure out ways to ask if she's still got a boyfriend. I mean, I can't exactly ask her outright.
     
  4. Green251

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    I know a few people that are lgbt but we aren't what you would call friends. The straight girl crush broke me. She flirted and talked dirty to meet but when I ended up telling her I liked her, and told my husband it was turmoil. So, she broke my heart telling me she only likes stick. Her words exactly. Said she never really thought about me in that way. And broke my heart when my husband heard what I felt. :tears:
     
  5. YeahpIdk

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    I had a lesbian friend who dumped me. I was friends with her before I questioned my sexuality, and we weren't best friends, but we were friends bordering on good friends. Once I stared questioning and talking to her a lot/leaning on her a bit for support, things started to become a little...different. She had a girlfriend, and we'd hang out as a group, but then one day that just stopped. I was really confused until I discussed it with my best friend, and through talking, it was framed in a way that I had to wonder if the girlfriend of my lesbian friend was getting jealous or worried that maybe something was going on between us. That doesn't have to be the truth at all, but it's weird that I was dropped so shortly after coming out and we started talking and hanging out a lot more.

    I have a good friend who, I'm guessing, is identifying as pansexual now. She expresses that she's attracted to all genders, and we are great, but I think it's because neither of us has any attraction for the other. I think that's the key to bi/lesbian relationships when you're also bi/lesbian. It's much easier to fall for someone when you're friends with them, girls tend to be friendly toward girls, so if there's any attraction - things can get a little complicated.

    When it comes to fem lesbians, or straight girls, that's much easier for me. I'm pretty fem, and I'm not usually drawn to women who present that way. I'm really attracted to androgynous fem women, and tom boys. It would be unlikely that I'd fall for someone super feminine, but who knows! I actually do have a little crush on this girl I went to HS with recently. She is fem and I'm pretty sure she's straight. I don't know her personality much. So it's just a physical thing. But it's only been her I find attractive, who happens to be fem.

    And any straight friends I have, I'm really not attracted to. They're straight and I'm like, nope. Lol. But again, they're feminine like me, so the chance of me being physically attracted to them isn't much.

    To conclude from my rambling, I think friendship with anyone can run smoothly... if friendship is the only thing that stays between you.
     
  6. SHACH

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    I have 2 bi girl friends who are together. The one I hang with the most... is pretty much the same as any other friend. The other is a cool feminist who will build you up and talk about stuff like queer theory which is great and I feel like she is my sister in queerness sometimes. However mostly it is awkward because I have crushed on both of them, I think they suspect it and I feel obliged to not seem too over friendly with either of them in fear of angering the other. If it wasn't for that small problem, it'd be great.

    I haven't had a big striaght girl crush. It seems I have pretty good gaydar but I just don't know it. Crushing on queer girls hasn't done me much good though it seems other than put me in these awkward friendship situations.
     
    #6 SHACH, May 15, 2016
    Last edited: May 15, 2016
  7. Gillian

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    I have a few lesbian and bi friends and I think that even if as a whole a friendship is a friendship, they still have slightly different character than my friendships with straight women. It is somewhat more close in a way, being in the same boat kind of feeling.

    One thing that I have found in my own behaviour is that when I meet new queer women I am careful not to be "too friendly" with them if I am not attracted to them, whereas with women I know that are straight I can be friendlier faster. I suppose I am a bit paranoid about leading people on (which is quite pompous of me tbh to think that they would be even intereste din me). Same reason why I tend to be wary towards single men who try to make friends with me as often it is something else they are after.

    But once the friendship settles into its course, the ones with queer women are really quite wonderful.
     
  8. Girlluvva69

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    I don't find any difference most of my friends accept me for what I am so I have straight friends and I have lesbian friends and the boundaries are no different I guess it's how they react with you, the good thing that in this era most people don't gaf""" however after saying that there are some that do and that's a worry
     
  9. OutofZCloset

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    There is a different dynamic with my gay friend. I only have two and it's a little different with both of them. They are both single and I'm married so I do have certain boundaries set with them. I play flirt with everbody, even my straight friends, but I don't with them. I do like talking about gay issues with them though and we can occasionally point out hot chicks together. I have one straight friend I've known for 40 years and is my closest friend. I can flirt with her, freely talk about my wife, point out hot chicks or guys with her, she's cool with everything. I don't have to hold back. With other straight friends I'm much more limited and restrained in my conversations. So I guess it all depends upon how close I am with them. If I wasn't married I'd probably have a closer relationship with my gay friends. I do wish I had more gay friends, especially other couples, but I don't know where to meet them. I'm in Southern California in the LA area.
     
  10. dirtyshirt84

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    Thanks for all the responses, they are really helpful and interesting.

    I guess I knew asking the question that there isn't really any difference between a straight and bi/lesbian friendship other than with the queer friendship obviously there would probably be more discussion of LGBT issues/culture and a sense of of being in the same boat (and hot girls :icon_wink)

    With my crush/friend/colleague(?) I talk about gender issues and feminist theory a lot. I find it all really interesting and its definitely a way for me to express my 'gay side'.

    With my friends I've had for years (mostly straight) I feel like I'm totally myself and they know everything about me. I've never been attracted to any of them so its never been an issue.

    I am pretty fem as well but I also go for fem girls (although maybe sometimes tom boys) and I have been attracted to straight friends/acquaintances before. I guess I'm more susceptible to that liking fem girls. But now I just think nope too, lol. I think maybe it happens to some people when they have not quite accepted their sexuality yet and are not ready for a real same sex relationship yet so develop feelings for someone they know it can go nowhere with? idk.

    I think you have hit the nail on the head YeahpIdk - it only starts getting complicated when attraction become involves. Which I guess is just life.