I never had a relationship. But I have other concerns.

I just want to point out something very interesting from OGS' post that you (might) have missed: OGS said that some people who never slept around were not necessarily good relationship materials and I totally agree with that. However, based on my observation that has little to do with being 'too picky' about their partner's sexual history.

I have a few close friends (all straight) who are super nice and genuine people but they can never form a long lasting relationship. They are simply so afraid of making any mistake or getting played that they do not take any risk, and just like everything else, if you don't take risks, you are not likely to get the most desired outcome. (I think this might be what OGS was implying but I could be totally wrong)

By taking risk I don't mean sleeping around without protection etc. It is more like they will not date anyone whom they perceive to be above them, e.g. a girl not dating someone who is very attractive for fear of being cheated on or a guy not dating someone who earns more money/has a higher degree than him, etc etc. Even if they start dating, when they see the first sign of potential problem, they build up this huge wall to push people away. Then they are sad but relieved b/c they've just dodged a 'perceived' bullet.

Sadly I am a little like that too. What we (me and my friends) all seem to share in common is that we come from damaged families (parents in miserable marriages, cheated on each other, dad walked out on mom and all that good stuff) and I guess the emotional baggage is just too much for some people.

OP, from what you posted originally, you can probably relate to what I am talking about. The only advice I can give you (and myself) is to take reasonable and wise risks if you fall for someone (there are so many risks other than a rich sexual history and you will likely encounter some of them). Btw I do think many of the previous posters were trying to convey the same message.

 

i totally agree with everything you posted, maybe is just me being a bit rough here, but seems the author of the post can't take different opinions or realize other people's examples of experiences as an opinion that might serve the cause of his own post or clear doubts, i want to leave clear as i said before, this has nothing to do with sexual preferences (gay, straight, whatever) the author is asking opinions but can't accept them, reason to not ask them in the first place, can't maturely understand because he is asking something when like you said before he is ''already comfortable'' with his way of thinking, another reason this arrogant nazi should keep away from posting a debatable post, you know how respectful i am so i apologize to the members and owners of this forum, i think this kid needs a shrink to help him clear his concerns more than what a bunch of inexperienced posters like us can do for him, clears why you can't help self-centered hyper judgemental folks out there, the glory goes to him peace

 

You say we were of no help, but what exactly were you looking for? Was there something you wanted help with? This seemed more like an open discussion, but let us know if that was not the case.

You know, what's sad is that everyone who's commented are commenting out of good will, yet you can't see this. No one is calling you a prude or trying to place you in a "stereotypical male role". No one has challenged your personal preferences when it comes to sex. What we've challenged was your judgmental discriminatory views on others who have had a sexual history. These two things are separate, and I am hoping you notice this difference. We only point this out in the hope of helping you find a good partner in the future, because with such terrible prejudices, you probably will not do very well, online or otherwise. Like Yuanzi and many others are pointing out, there is a lot more to compatibility and relationship than sexual history, yet you seem to be really fixated on this idea. A lot of us have tried to think with you why this is the case, and you simply reject all of them.

Perhaps what you were looking for was for everyone to agree with you and support your view, but that's not what you got, and you have to try to understand why if you want to grow as a person. We didn't all chime in to hurt you out of resentment, but we're all trying to help (this is a forum for that purpose after all). Your opinion that you keep on defending just because it's "an opinion" is bigoted and discriminatory, and it will not help you build a solid relationship. It's one thing to say that you are afraid of dating people with a rich sexual history because you are afraid of feeling inadequate, but it's another to label them as ignorant risk takers prone to lies and cheating unworthy of your attention. You call them the ones with "baggage" but I'm afraid you may be the one with baggage...The way you go on the offense to defend yourself is really not going to help you in relationships.

You will most likely just respond to bit and parts of my post again, and then conclude that I don't respect your values and that nothing can be totally "right" so your values and views must be as valid as other views. If you truly believe this, then you believe in no progress, personally or politically. You wouldn't care that some people are discriminated and subjugated in this world through certain values and ideologies, including the LGBT population that you take part in. You also don't believe in personal progress, that experience and perspective can change your views for the "better". I sincerely hope you will take a careful look at the way you think in general, and not just this specific issue. "Let's agree to disagree" is a good maxim if you want to have a friendly relationship with your neighbors, but that's not the ultimate maxim, and you certainly don't get this here. If you were looking to be validated blindly, you came to the wrong place. You've gotten a wealth of great insights on this thread that I definitely learn from, and I hope you can use it as well and not stick to your own small view.

 

Wow~To read through all this thread has stated... I must apologize I could not achieve that feat. My brain got clouded with words I wanted to say, so I couldn't maintain focus on what I was reading.

Your Original Post, it was misleading. It read as though you were contrite and very judgmental. But, when you read what you replied to the advice given, some of which were borderline biased or scrutinized in nature... Hmm~It seems more so that you are asking for or looking for friendship, communication, companionship. Albeit online in this case. As though, even if you were not consciously aware, you gave an online community another shot. Before going off into your own solace indefinitely even if it meant never having an outlet that could end up being an addition to your life or a way to make friends.

So, hmm... Where to start. There has been some good advice. You've stated from the very beginning you have only observed relationships. Never once being in it. Some advice, harshly as it may have been, you took the punches and kept it with it. You, yourself, were in a sense looking for your own validation. For understanding. Ones validation is a subconscious thing. Why did it matter what anyone said or thought? You know why! ~_^

I understand the virginity aspect. If you went so old school as that, suffice to say there would be alot of gay men in the world that would still be considered a Virgin if they had never slept with a woman. Or to truly get technical, if you take the scientifically way of looking at it you could, I stress "could", almost assume that all men lose their virginity the first time they climax. Wow~nocturnal emissions... Wait~Wait, the first time you successfully climaxed from masturbation as a child right after puberty hit.

So, taking virginity totally out of the picture. A truly misguided and misused label. Then, we can move on from there. It's not so much hook-ups that bother you. It's the emotional connection there in that is left out.

I'm 32. I've dated very few in my life. I also do not agree nor care for hookups. Casual sex is useless to me. I need not a phone, another person, web cam, chat etc. I agree, I am perfectly capable of pleasuring myself. As are most men and women in the world. I also do not want a high school relationship. Break up and I hate you.. Oh wait, we are back together and I love you. No, I hate you and we are broke up. Same with cheating. Happens once, it'll happen again. You break up once... It'll happen again. Why put yourself through that mess?

Now-back to you. With that said... I would probably fail your standards as well. But, I am ok with that. It's not so much so that I do casual hookups or age. But, I would for other reasons. I also have had my share of hookups. It was not really the intention and it's not that they were strangers. I knew them. In the few cases we were very close friends. The one, well... It was more so that we both couldn't stand being without a partner. I can compartmentalize my emotions/feelings. I pulled away when the feelings were there. We based it on sex, that is not a way to start a relationship. I agree with you on that. He and I are not as close anymore, but we have remained friends.

So, what I am saying is... Take into consideration the elements and background of said hookups. So, I also agree with what some people have advised you. You might be missing out on someone who you could be with. Knowing the whole story of something might change your view. Some people have double or triple digit partners, but not necessarily hookups. They've been trying and investing. Maybe it was their boyfriend. It may not always start out as sex, but lust eventually enters the picture. Eventually, you will want to be physical with the person you are dating.

I've been trying for 10 years to have a long meaningful relationship... The longest, it might have been 2 years. I lost track of time investing with him. He cheated, found out after we broke up. He moved to another state. It was a mutual break up. I did not want to move, he did. If he wanted to stay that was on him, same as leaving. I loved him, but I couldn't force him to stay. Here in West Virginia it may be legal to marry. But, in locations like where I live. Only the high school or college would have anything lgbt. So, finding a partner let alone a friend... Well, lets just say. Even finding someone online from the area is very far between.

Just remember, don't over analyze. Things may not always be what they appear to be. Also~I can not stress to you enough how misleading a photo can be. Someone may look like they are pornographic hot and then find out later that was a picture of a friend or a photo they took from their teens and have dwindled down. Or, someone may look like they've been around the block only to discover they have the hot next door neighbor look when you meet them in person! ~_^

 

1) most people i read (myself included) never tried convincing you in accepting anything, nor change the way you think, we were plainly giving our insight to contribute with your post (in a way trying to help you out)
2) you seem affected by other people sharing insight that's different from yours, in other way you feel automatically challenged that everyone is out there to change your mind
3) you're right, i would not say things like that face to face, first because there is something called ''being respectful'' and also because i would not waste a single second on fighting a hypocrite (clearify, no one is trying to be a ''Mike Tyson behind the keyboard here) :smilewave
4) good luck boy, wish all goes well and you be happy in the future doing something you like to do, just preferably not becoming a therapist

 

so..the whole post is about your point of view on what you want in relationship then ask people on what they think? So They gave their opinions and you didn't like it. I mean I'm still lost on what were you asking? What were your concerns?

"Now here are my concerns with regards to future relationships....."

You said here was your concerns about your future relationships but what future relationships? Are you talking to someone right now and want some opinions? You keep go on and tell the story of online dating and how it was a waste of time then move on about you won't be involved with someone who had slept around then you talked about STD then you go back to talk about what you want in relationship. Like what were your concerns? Like you need some approval or something?

So far from what I understand is a guy never eat a pizza before in his life. He assumed that it would taste bitter and sour. Then he make a post about what he think it will taste like and rather not wanting it by just assuming, yet he asked what other think? Those that have tasted it come in and gave their opinions but he refused it and still think that pizza will taste bitter and sour.(Then what is the point of asking "What do you think?") The guy will never know what it will tasted like until he put it in his mouth. You can bring the whole world to tell him what it is taste like but he will never know and keep assuming until he take a bite.

---------- Post added 27th May 2016 at 10:41 PM ----------

I feel like this is a troll post. Post just to argue with others without any purpose.

 

*face palm*

Maybe I used the wrong words or something I don't know. I'm still so confused right now. I tried to convey that what you said didn't bother me but that some of the advice seemed a little harsh, without fully being aware of the 'whole' picture.

For example... I've been dating for over 10 years if they broke it off with me and it had gotten sexual, then it adds to my number! Not saying I have an STD (I don't) not saying I wasn't safe (I was), but that I would have a history. I would have more than a few sexual partners. Not saying that I wasn't nor that I am not particular or that cast aside all past either. I do have standards!

I know what it is to be another notch! Been there done that and I learned my lesson the hard way. Been used, been emotionally abused... I can see why you would be apprehensive. That's all I was trying to convey. Maybe I didn't give enough advice or even any advice. I tried to be and give understanding. To everyone that had replied as well.

You are the only person that got angry. That is where you need to cast the stone. Look inward and find out what it is that truly angered you and why? Even myself, not casting a stone... Nor judgment or saying that anyone was in the wrong. I'm not anger... I stated before I was confused... And well, rather... I still am!

Honestly~that's my only other conclusion at the moment! I'm baffled now! I even went back and read through the whole thread again in its entirety this time and including mine! Hey if it wasn't. Then it was an epic fail on everyone involved. Oh well, life goes on! ^_^

 

I couldnt agree more with almostblue, characterstudy and todd.

You say its not about experience but views.... where do you get your views? You draw them from your experiences in life and different situations. That being said, if i were an sexually inexperienced person looking for advice on dating, then id take the advice of the people whom im asking advice from and not constantly battle good advice thats being given.

Alot of the people on this website have a good deal of knowledge, i think you should take as much of it as you can instead of fighting it

---------- Post added 30th May 2016 at 02:06 AM ----------

This post is obviously more about wanting to bash people for being sexually active than it is about getting advice.

When you say that alot of people were of no help, goodbye. Thats just ignorant. Those people are taking time out of their day to respond to a stangers post in hopes of helping them for the sake of being helpful. Maybe its not the people your dating that are the problem