Frustrated

My biggest problem is that I feel for a while like I'm doing ok, but then I realize that I've actually just buried all of it again, because as soon as I'm in a place where I can be more open about it (like last Thursday to Saturday with friends who know and don't judge) it all comes back. I'm thinking about starting a meet up for midlife bisexual women with another friend, but I'm also afraid of blowing the doors so wide open they fall off the hinges. On the other hand, I'm sassier and more fun when I'm totally being myself (and enjoying looking at cute women).

 

I usually like alpha women. Usually long brunette hair, but not exclusively. I've been attracted to women of all/most racial groups. Usually someone a bit thinner than I am, but not super skinny. Somewhat artsy/alternative looking. Not usually heavily tattooed, but a couple don't bother me. Idk... When I see her, I know!

I had a super crush on Liv Tyler in Stealing Beauty in high school
Kate Mara (when she was in House of Cards) is hot too (although thinner than I sometimes go for)
I get crushes on book characters too... I kind of have problems getting super involved in books...

 

IDK - Somedays better than others. I had a rough day Friday. I was on a trip with my parents and my kids, and I was supposed to meet up with my bff for the day (my parents were going to watch the kids), and I was going to sneak out a couple of hours early to meet up an EC friend.

But then my bff got sick and didn't come at all, so I couldn't sneak out at all, and my mom and dad were sick, so I couldn't leave the kids with them, and we ended up not having a great day all around. Kind of spent the day trying to be chipper for the kids but feeling sorry for myself.

I guess that's why I never tried to sneak out in HS?!?!

On the sexuality front, I have not made any real progress recently, although my husband did say he thought it might be hot to watch me and another girl but he might want to join in. I have super conflicted thoughts about the whole thing. On the one hand, I don't want to seem like even more of a stereotype, and I'm not sure if I did want to be with a woman I'd want him involved, but on the other hand, maybe it would be better for me/him/us if we were both involved with the same person.

Minor GoT Spoiler below:


In the mean time, I have fantasies and dreams and I share them. Sunday night, my dream was that I was Yara Greyjoy's play thing... yeah, I've got some problems!

 

It wasn't really about Yara... It was the power structure of the scene. :icon_redf

I can understand the ache feeling. Sometimes it is like that for me too.

Got to hang out last night with my bff. Such a bittersweet time. It was good though. I needed to see her and hang out with her.