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Should I even come out if I am ugly?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by IloveCharlieDay, May 14, 2016.

  1. IloveCharlieDay

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    Hi everyone, my name is Andrew, I am an 18 yo gay guy from Russia. I am ending high school right now and thinking about coming out to my classmates (some of them). But should I do this? I mean I look maybe 5 or 6 out of 10 and probably as "hot" as Donald Trump:lol::dry: Not ugly, but DEFINETLY not beautiful. Something in between. Not athletic but my weight is normal. Also not flamboyant (I was before but in Russia it makes you want to end your life. Then it just disappeared, I didn't do anything. )
    I surely will come out to this one particular friend who always calls me faggot and says that he knows my secret. I don't know why but I just love being called fag by him... I remember we were watching this Hollywood movie Solace (2015) in cinema and there was a scene of gay sex. He told me that it was my favorite part of the movie he knows 100 percent (it was true). :lol: I have a lot of feelings for this guy... Actually he is a good friend.
    So should I come out to my other friends? Saying that you are gay would make them imagine gay sex with you and some other guy. I don't want this to happen... Coz I am not Zac Efron. One of my friends told me that I remind him Eugene from The Walking Dead.
    Really need your advice :help:
     
  2. Totesgaybrah

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    From what I know about how Russia treats gays I would not come out to anyone, especially some guy who always is calling me a fag, I guess it depends on HOW he is calling you a fag. If you feel safe coming out to these people I guess go for it but be careful.

    I LOVE Always Sunny and I LOVE Charlie Day as well, I've seen every episode countless times, when I was younger this show literally shaped my sense of humor.

    Oh and who cares if you are not a 10/10? I'm sure not, I'm slightly overweight and I wouldn't call myself cute much less hot, but I'm working on it.
     
    #2 Totesgaybrah, May 14, 2016
    Last edited: May 14, 2016
  3. hullaballoo

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    I would be very careful, from what we hearing about Russia and the LGBT community it's never good news I'm afraid. If you trust him and you want to come out then good luck. But in all honesty I wouldn't risk it, not in Russia, I don't want you to get hurt or something
     
  4. Calf

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    Why would feeling ugly be a reason not to come out? Even if you were half man, half coconut, it doesn't make a difference.
    There are many reasons to feel ugly and there are many flaws of our bodies that we may think others find ugly. The thing is, it shouldn't matter because everyone deserves a chance to find happiness and love. The things that you consider to be flaws, may well be the things that a potential partner finds interesting or unique about you.
    People can forgive an 'ugly' face but not an ugly personality so don't worry about other people's negative comments.

    I appreciate as others have already said that Russia is a country known internationally for it's harsh political and social attitude towards homosexuality but I trust that you will know better than us, if it is safe for you to come out where you are.
    Is that something you have considered?
     
  5. YermanTom

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    When I lacked confidence I thought I was ugly, I didn't realize that most people thought I was OK and one or two thought I was good locking. It is probably the same with you, there is someone out there that thinks you are the hottest thing on the planet. Looks are a matter of personal taste. Nobody looks like the models in the magazines, not even the models. (I am an expert with Photoshop, so I know).
    I don't know enough about LGBT attitudes in your part of Russia to give advice on coming out (I've heard Russia is scary for gays). I trust that you know your friends enough to know how they will react. For me the only people that it is important to be out to are those close to me.
    Wishing all the best and remember there is a guy out there that thinks you are an 11 out of 10.

    (*hug*)
     
  6. Rickystarr

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    There's lots of ugly gay guys. You should be more concerned for your safety. Btw I wouldn't say a 5 or 6 out of ten is ugly.
     
  7. The Falcon

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    You are a kid. You don't even know if you are really gay, or "ugly" as you say. Things change, you'll be surprised how much they do.

    I live in Eastern Europe, I presume that being gay is pretty much the same. I wouldn't be concerned for your safety as many people say, but i would be concerned for your psychological well-being.

    Although coming out can be liberating and wonderful, you may be surprised by the reactions. I, for example, expected for my friendships to take another route, I wanted more developed and more truthful friendships, but in fact some friends laughed at me and they don't fucking care about anything. That friend of yours probably won't hug you, or tell you that everything will be OK, and that he will be there to support you, he will just make a lot of jokes about it...

    So keep in mind that people usually don't know how to react to these things, and they find them either strange and funny, or horrifying and tragic.

    Just do what makes you feel more comfortable!
     
  8. jacotime45

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    :kiss: hi im not shure how safe it is in Russia but you might want to fined out how your friend feels about lgbtq and how he feels about you also what is his sexule orientation and does he really like :slight_smile:kiss:slight_smile: you
     
  9. David21201

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    I'm going to pretty much say whatever one else has, Russia is not the best place for those of us in the LGBTQ+ community. If you decide to come out to this friend, I'd make sure you have his complete trust and possibly request for him to keep quiet about it. In the end, I'll say, do whatever you think is best and stay safe my brother.
    Also, you're probably not as ugly as you think. You /must/ be handsome and attractive to /somebody/ out there.
     
    #9 David21201, May 15, 2016
    Last edited: May 15, 2016
  10. BinMS

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    I've always considered myself ugly, but over the years I found several guys that called me cute.....beauty is truly in the eye of the person looking
     
  11. CharacterStudy

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    As you live longer you will learn that attraction is a very personal thing. Person A will think guy X is very attractive, and person B will think he is not attractive. Some people like baby faced blondes, others like dark, bearded broken noses 'rough' looking guys.

    Read about Assortative mating, matching hypothesis and other theories. People tend to be attracted to people of a similar level of 'classic' attractiveness as themselves, but intelligence and sense of humour, and wealth all influence partner choice too.

    Ultimately when you walk away from a first encounter with someone and:
    1. Classically good looking guy, but no sense of humour, rude/arrogant.
    2. Less than average classically good looking guy, even 'ugly', but funny, kind, pleasant.
    What would you pick? Because whether I was looking for a friend or a romantic partner I'd choose number 2.


    And yes, please please make sure you are safe.
     
  12. Bubbletea

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    The real issue seems that you cannot hide behind being in the closet anymore and people will actually see you for you and men will turn you down for you (and maybe your looks) and that is scary. Dont think it has anthing to do with just looks on its own. Though I could be wrong.

    Sidenote: think about it really deeply first, you are in Russia after all. Maybe come study in Amsterdam instead and apply for a visa while your at it :wink:
     
    #12 Bubbletea, May 17, 2016
    Last edited: May 17, 2016
  13. IloveCharlieDay

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    Lol I sent a message to this friend who always called me faggot "you were right about everything."
    I thought that we had a real friendship
    He responded saying that I am a disgusting human being, filthy pervert and that he doesn't give a f about me. And then he sent me a joke about aids.
    I guess we are not friends anymore
     
  14. MAR Felix

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    Have you never thought to say, "Takes one to know one" to your sarcastic friend?
    Not everybody wants a beauty. Some men are more comfortable w/an average looking guy. Just work on your assets - your personality, for one. And your command of the English language is impressive. So, obviously your communication skills are great. Relax. A little self-confidence goes a very long way.
     
  15. Kasey

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    Yea, people often judge themselves harshly. And yes, all I know about LGBT matters in Russia is you are definetely going to be in danger coming out it seems.
     
  16. sunshine360

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    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder--there's lots of truth in that saying.

    Also why would it matter if you are in fact ugly? There are millions of people in this world that I don't consider attractive, but that doesn't mean they're any less important than the people I do find attractive. Also looks can change.
     
    #16 sunshine360, May 22, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: May 22, 2016
  17. MsEmma

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    Sounds like he's an asshole. Good riddance, in my opinion.
     
  18. jacotime45

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    i guess if he cant deal with who you are you should kick him out of your life and tell him he was being a total fucking asshole and that he should fuckoff





    p.s sorry about the language