Hello! To start, I met this really, really friendly boy my age through a social media network my age. He's perfect and I love texting him all the time. :icon_bigg There are a couple problems, though, so I'll go through them each. 1. HE HAS FAR MORE MONEY THAN I DO. He lives in a wealthy part of town, and lives in a pretty nice house. His family owns a vineyard, which is an automatic surplus of money. There's no problem for in this one for him, though, because he's the one with the money. I'm the one with not as much money. Don't get me wrong, though, I'm living in the biggest city in the state in a middle class family. It's not like I don't have any money, it's just that I feel so inferior because I don't have the same amount of money as him. He doesn't flaunt it at all or tries to make me feel bad, it might just be me overreacting. Will our social class differences affect the way we are together? He even told me that "he wouldn't care if I'm poor," but I still am anxious. What will he think of me? 2. HE ALWAYS WANTS TO HANG OUT. I would gladly go to the mall or a movie with him, but since he wants me to come over to his house/him to come over to my house, it makes me nervous. I don't even know why because it shouldn't, but it does. His parents are harsh with gay people (they know he is gay) so that's another problem. Also, to reiterate, I met this guy on a dating app. My parents have no idea who he is and have no idea I'm gay, so how would I explain this? "I met a guy on social media who I think is cute and I want to hang out with him."? He really wants to hang out at his house the first time, but it's nerveracking for me. 3. WE GO TO DIFFERENT SCHOOLS. It's hard to keep up with him only through text, and this problem makes me feel stuck when put next to the second problem. If I don't want to only text him, what's my alternative? I just feel like I'm in between two boulders. I just feel like I don't compare to him at all. He's nice, doesn't party, and doesn't flaunt his wealth. He hasn't done anything to make me feel bad, it just feels like I amount to nothing when he sends me pictures of his really nice house. I feel so, so, so stuck. What can I do to help myself?:icon_sad:
The only time you should worry about your significant other (or love interest)'s finances is if they are irresponsible with their money. Doesn't seem like this guy has that problem, so don't worry. I can understand feeling inferior but I'm sure he is well aware that not everyone is a spoon fed golden child. The only time people pick a spouse based on their income is when they're in it for their money. If he has his own and begs to hang around you, don't worry. I can't understand why it's hard to keep up "only Through text" when you mentioned previously that he wants to hang out a lot. No offense, but it sounds like you are making excuses as to why the relationship can't work. He wants to hang out 24/7 and you want more than texting... Surely there is a happy-medium there. As far as the coming out goes, that's just a part of the gay community. We have ALL been there... It's just something that you will have to do on your own terms if you want to be happy. Everyone does it and handles it differently, there's no right or wrong time. Good luck.
First of all, Money is not the main thing in life, that's what I'm suggesting you to remember. Second of all, I recommend you to talk with parents about this, by that I don't mean about your crush, but about your orientation, so later wouldn't be any problems (for ex. parents find out that by themselves). And the last thing what I recommend you to is talk with him about your problems. If you feel that you cannot keep these relationships only by texting him, you should tell him and make together a decission what to do next. Try to find best in him and appreciate what he does to you. Wish you luck and keep us updated!
You say he's perfect at the beginning. Your three "problems" are minor--you acknowledge this yourself. So at the end of your post, I have a hard time seeing what's holding you back. - I have a feeling it's not about his wealth (he doesn't flaunt it, other than house pics which a lot of people share). - I have a feeling It's not about him wanting to hang out all the time--maybe it could be you being uncomfortable with being gay in potentially hostile environments. Unless you two actually start dating, you can have him around the house as a friend. If you think your parents will know, just ask him to hang out elsewhere! He is already offering up HIS house. - It's not about going to different schools. The guy I'm seeing lives 45-60 minutes away from me. I'm assuming you two at least live in the same city, different schools is NBD. And, if you think about it, going to different schools helps safeguard your social life should things not work out. Are you scared he doesn't like you? Are you scared you like him? Are you scared of how gay people are looked at?
DrinkBudweiser, Thanks for the advice, it means a lot to come on here and hear that from somebody. I understand that I shouldn't be in this for the money, and I'm most definitely not. I'd rather have him be the same social class as me. Your first paragraph means a lot to me, so thank you. :icon_bigg As for the second paragraph, I realize that I should take the chances he's giving me, but my parents wouldn't react well if I told them I was going to a friend they wouldn't know's house, much less my boyfriend's house. I know I just need to be open with my parents about my orientation; that's the only way to solve this. Thanks again! Hieron, Thank you very much. :icon_bigg I need to remember that my economic stance doesn't define me. Also, I just need time to explain myself to my parents. I guess this was sort of an awkward time to get into a relationship. Lastly, I think it's best if I confront him about my thoughts. Still, regardless of what he will say and what I will think, I'm probably still going to feel not-as-good as he is. CameOutSwining, No. I've had two other relationships.
Couple of things here: First, while you don't give your ages, my sense is that you're both young - which leads me to think that when you say he has money, what you really mean is that his parents have money. He may benefit from that, but it's not like he's actually earned any of the money in question or that the presence of said money has anything to do with what kind of person he is or how he 'compares' to you as a person. Second, if you're texting, that presumably means you have cell phones. As a halfway point between texting and hanging out, why can't you call and talk to each other using your phones? Todd
DalBCN, Please don't tell me if my problems are minor or not, because I think that they're big. I appreciate your help, but even though they might seem smaller to you, they definitely aren't minor through my eyes. To answer your questions, though, I'm a little scared that he just won't like me because of the difference in wealth. However, I'm not scared of my feelings toward him because we both like each other a lot, and I'm not scared of my orientation. AKTodd, Thank you very much for your response, I really really appreciate it. :icon_wink That's a good point, but he still comes from a different family with a different kind of money. I know he hasn't earned squat of what his parents have, but he still has grown up differently. Secondly, that's a happier-medium. :icon_bigg I actually injured myself so I have a gross scar on my face, so I'll probably wait until it dies down until we FaceTime or something.
