Hello members, Do you think some people are meant to spend their lives alone without having any relationship? I think I'm one example. My age is almost 30 years old and I have never been in a relationship before. Maybe people dun find me attractive, which is why nobody is interested in me. I sometimes tell myself maybe I'm not fortunate enough to be in a relationship in this life and have to live alone till I die, but deep in my heart I do desire to be in a relationship. (PS: I have some issues relating to my self esteem and self worth. I would like to discuss and seek advice about them through other new threads in subsequent weeks.)
I don't think anyone is "meant to be alone". I think some of us are just so shy sometimes and self conscious that we are just afraid to put ourselves out there more. Yeah, I'm one of those.
I've been in relationships, but only a few with women. Making up my mind a year ago tho that I just needed to be out, that makes it all feel like starting all over again.
I don't believe in destiny and also not the one true partner. I believe that some people are perfect for you in a certain part of your life. Sometimes that means you only start a relationship very late, sometimes you have many relationships and sometimes you have one relationship that lasts your whole life. So no, I don't think you're "meant to be alone". Of course you can't just sit in your house and wait for it to happen (even though that is possible, it's not very likely). Try to work on your self esteem and do stuff you like. Maybe you're interested in a certain thing and can join a club or something? Maybe go to LGBT+ events or try online dating if that would work for you. Try to be positive and open about it and you will meat someone who will like you back. Besides, in my opinion there isn't something like being generally attractive or unattractive. People fit or don't fit in social norms but there will always be people who are(n't) attracted to you. Best wishes
It was interesting that you added these few lines at the end of your post, as though it was a random afterthought, when it really is very significant to what you are telling us. Low self esteem and self worth will undoubtedly have an impact on your chances of meeting someone and enjoying a loving, long term relationship. If you don't feel good about yourself, it will be difficult to let other people in. The good news is that you can work through these issues and I wonder what you might have tried already to improve your outlook on life. Some people are able to achieve good results through reading and following self help resources and I wonder if that is worthy of consideration for you? If the issues are quite deep and involved you may benefit from a course of therapy to help you gain confidence. Try to avoid thinking in defeatist terms about this. When you have low self esteem it's hard to see any positives, but the more you ruminate over your situation and dwell on negative thought patterns, like "I'm not attractive enough" or "I'm destined to be alone", the more you will be weighed down by it.
People can be alone, but they don't have to. The majority of humans are social beings that like to be around others, including in relationships, and there is research showing that healthy relationships foster other benefits like emotional and physical health. Also, it's important to remember that for LGBT people, there are strong cultural and religious pressures against any relationships even with the changing attitudes in some countries and regions. Many of us were too deep in the closet as teens or young adults to even think about dating. Attraction does not have to be strictly physical, and even physical attraction can be extremely diverse. Moreover, the people who care strictly about looks often have only a shallow attraction, not understanding how much personality and compatibility are important in a successful relationship. Some people take a long time to develop an attraction, to the point that they don't care what their partner looks like. Even behavioral things like self-confidence can be attractive. As Patrick mentions, loving yourself (not egotistical but self-improvement) is a key step to being ready for a relationship. Try to talk and read about this, both with friends, here on Emptyclosets, or even with a counselor.
Not necessarily. I don't necessarily think there is someone for everyone. I do however believe everyone has moments and chances to experience love. If they fuck up those chances (not talking to others, not asking others out) or don't pay attention, (someone flirting) or don't work on things they themselves need to work on, (having their standards too high, dealing with personal issues. [If you just experienced something traumatic in your life, a relationship can be on hold. ]) Then it becomes difficult. They feel isolated and alone and feel they can't ever find love. So I will say I don't necessarily agree that some people will live alone and never find love. In the same instance, I don't necessarily agree that there is someone for everyone. I just think some people need to live life for themselves, if romance comes, great, if it doesn't, stay positive and start accessing why you are not finding romance and what you feel you are doing right and wrong and develop on that.
Those magical movie romances never happen. You just don't magically bump into the love of your life in the supermarket isle. Well, someone might, but it is not very likely to happen. But you can do a lot to better the odds. Take care of yourself, lose weight if you are over weight, buy nice clothes or whatever. There is nothing you can do to your face but it isn't actually even necessary. When you wear nice clothes and you smell nice it gets you very far. Then just get out there. Start a hobby you like and where you could meet new people, get into online dating, go to gay bars, whatever feels to be your thing. Dating is really just numbers game, the more people you meet the better chances there are for you to find someone.
well, I was once chatted up in a supermarket aisle (it was in the fruit & veg section) though I politely declined...could've been the love of my life! I've had two long term relationships and thought both would last forever. Not sure I believe in 'the one' either, though I do believe we meet at least a few people over the course of our lives who we allow to really get inside us...then we change and grow and sometimes move on.
The best and most successful love is natural and least suspecting love. However rare it is, this is the best chance of having a successful relationship. There are chubby chasers and bear/chub appreciation. I disagree. People can wear whatever they want. As long as they are clean clothes, I don't care. Clothes tell a lot about someones style and attitude, and not everyone likes going to higher end boutiques for the latest fashions. There is. Especially nowadays. You can change your eye, hair and skin color permanently if you wanted to. You can change genders if you wanted to. Get nose jobs, face lifts, botox, facials etc. Should you have to? No, and I wouldn't just to find romance. But yes you can. Perhaps, but people should just do what they want. If they don't want to change their wardrobe, or their body image, they shouldn't have to just for love. If they don't want to go to gay clubs or bars, that's also their choice. Being gay it's harder to use the more people you know, the better chance at love you might get, not everyone is gay. Just be positive and live life for yourself, and if love comes, awesome. If it doesn't, don't shame yourself for it, just continue to stay positive.
