For a while now, I've been having so much anxiety and paranoia and it's getting worse. It mainly happens at night, especially in bed but can happen any time during the day. I just keep thinking that I'm going to die. Like if I hear a noise at night, I keep thinking my boiler is going to blow up and kill me. Or if I'm cooking, I keep thinking that my oil is going to set on fire and im going to die. And i know it's very unlikely but I can't stop. I'll start feeling really scared and sometimes I'll hyper ventilate and feel like I'm going to have a panick attack. Luckily, nine times out of ten it only happens when I'm alone so if I'm surrounded by people im fine usually. Sometimes I feel like im imagining the noises and i can't tell what's just in my head and what noises are actually real. The other problem, and the one that is affecting me the most really is, this is really embarrassing, at night I keep hearing people like having sex. This only happens really at night but it's a real problem for me every single night. It started a few months ago after I thought I heard my parents doing it and then after that, I have gone to bed every night, scared that I'm going to hear something like that and it makes me feel really sick and anxious. I'll blast music in my ear to make sure i can't hear anything and stuff like that. If I did 'hear' anything, I'd freeze up and feel really sick and start having a sort of panic attack. I don't know why. The only times I'd ever relax was when I definitely knew that they weren't together. It's gotten a lot worse now because I've moved house and live in between like 5 houses on each side so now I'm worried I'm going to hear my neighbours doing it. Once, I swear I did and I literally just felt so sick and it was so horrible. But afterwards, I couldn't tell whether the noises were just in my head or in real life. That's the problem with this, most of the time, I can't tell if I'm physically hearing things, or if it's all just in my head. I don't know what to do, I'm so embarrassed to speak to anyone, let alone my parents, but I feel like i need some sort of help because it just happens almost every night.
What you are describing are some very real, very legitimate symptoms of a disorder that you should NOT ignore. These symptoms are kind of vague, so it's hard to know which disorder you might have, but you should definitely see a psychologist/therapist. Hearing things that aren't there is a serious symptom, and having anxiety and fearing for your safety when you KNOW there's nothing to fear is something you can't normally just 'get over' on your own. I had a friend in high school who had similar symptoms to this, especially the fear of sex/hearing sex/seeing sex thing. I didn't know her very well, but I found out years later that her father had been sexually abusing her, and her mind had blocked it all out so that she didn't remember it as a defense mechanism. Because if this it caused her to see things/hear things and feel scared all the time and not know why. Now, what's happening to you is probably something WAY different and totally unrelated. But at the same time, I've seen too many people ignore symptoms like this only to find out later on that they have Generalized Anxiety disorder, bipolar, or even schizophrenia. My point is that the mind does crazy things when there's something wrong. And the only way to find out what's wrong is to see a doctor. You HAVE to tell your parents. It may not be anything to worry about at all. But if it IS something to worry about, you bet you want to get help NOW. Sometimes if things like this go untreated, it can get worse and if you're having trouble differentiating between what's in your head and reality, there's a real possibility that you could become a danger to yourself and others around you. It doesn't mean you're "crazy" and it doesn't mean there's anything "wrong" with you. Sometimes people just need help getting through things. I've seen a therapist off and on my entire life simply because several mental disorders run in my family and I want to get checked up every now and then to make sure I'm not developing one. That and sometimes it's nice to talk to one if you're going through something difficult. They aren't scary. They're just a person, like you and me.
I'm worried that I'm just making this all up in my head and that I'm really just wanting attention and im scared that no one will believe me because I don't like to show how affected I am by this and I've mentioned it to my friends but I just joked about it and didn't make it sound serious. I'm literally so embarrassed to talk to my parents, because all my thoughts revolve almost entirely around them. I'm scared if I see a doctor they'll just say I'm making it up or that it's not that bad and i should just deal with it. I'm worried my friends will just shrug it off and tell me to deal with it and that 'everybody goes through this' and try and make it seem like they've got worse problems. I just feel awkward talking to anyone about any possible mental health problems even though my dad has them too.
The mind is extremely powerful. I'll relate with you here (on the first paragraph.). I'm a hypochondriac. My family is older so growing up, I've been through multiple family deaths and seeing people in and out of the hospital. It's freaked the living hell out of me. To the point of every time I hear a symptom of something whether it's on the TV or in person, I have to plug my ears... Or I'd find a way to talk myself into thinking that it's happening to me. Once you think it's happening to you, you develop anxiety, the anxiety tricks your mind into believing that something is wrong. Then you're screwed. It's kind of like hell on Earth, especially if you never used to be this way. I haven't conquered my problem, so I'm no expert, but I promise you... If you find a way to distract your mind, it won't bother you. It's ALL in your head. I know that isn't easy, but you just have to be strong and do it. As a healthy 24 year old, heart attack and stroke should be the least of my worries. Just like a microwave blowing up while you're cooking should be the least of yours. Very, very highly unlikely situations. Both would be considered freak-accidents. I have to ask though, have you seen Final Destination? (If you haven't, DONT watch it) — but it just seems fitting that you would watch those Final Destination movies and have anxiety about this.
I very much disagree with the above post advising you to try and deal with it on your own. Especially if you already know your father has mental health issues. A lot of disorders are generic. My family is the golden pot of almost all of them. Both my mother and my aunt have Bipolar, my sister has generalized anxiety disorder, and my cousin and uncle have addictive personality disorder. The cousin I speak of ended up killing himself by overdosing on drugs and alcohol, and my sister was so freaked out by something that she ran into the middle of the road and almost got hit by a car. No one should be expected to deal with these types of issues on their own, no matter how minor they may seem to you. I strongly advise seeing a professional. After my sister got onto some anti-anxiety medication she became my sister again and she can now lead a normal life. My aunt on my mothers side is on meds for bipolar, and when she TAKES them, she's great. The trick now is getting her to take them every day. Please don't try to tackle a mental health issue on your own. It's never a good idea.
