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Internal sense of gender?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Mihael, May 9, 2016.

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  1. Mihael

    Mihael
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    The counselor told me that nothing undermines my femininity and I should not worry about it, but I think he thought I feel different than I really do. It makes me feel uneasy that I can't escape this identity. It's not that I have anything against being a woman or any single piece of what I've got. It's not a femininity complex, and I'm not worried if I'm trans.

    I feel like I'm going in circles.

    ---------- Post added 10th May 2016 at 11:15 AM ----------
    No, no. It's fine, it's nice to talk with you. It's good to let it out and not be stuck within my own head with this.

    ---------- Post added 10th May 2016 at 11:25 AM ----------

    I feel like I finally moved forward in my understanding.

    You think so?

    Hugs, anyways.

    ---------- Post added 10th May 2016 at 11:30 AM ----------

    I'm going to sleep and maybe read it all again and take another shot at it tomorrow.
     
    #21 Mihael, May 10, 2016
  2. JessicaJones

    JessicaJones
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    I wish I could help more. All I can say is that, maybe in some ways, this is more of a *them* problem. It sounds like it's other people trying to put you in a gender box that gives you a problem. I know it's not easy, but I guess sometimes you have to stop caring so much how people define you and just either correct them or let them get it wrong.

    If nothing else, I can definitely say that I think I understand your gender identity/orientation. You've explained it pretty well, and it sounds like you know who you are and what works. Hopefully, if you explain it this way to friends, etc, they will understand too. Of course, people meeting you for the first time will take a while to wrap their heads around it, but what's new? :slight_smile:
     
    #22 JessicaJones, May 10, 2016
    Last edited: May 10, 2016
  3. Mihael

    Mihael
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    Oookey. Figured out :icon_bigg :eusa_danc

    1. I'm both, because I'm happy being female, and I would be happy being male.
    2. I have preferences in terms of gender expression, and feel quite strongly about them
    3. I have a "man brain", that's why I have this feeling of being a guy. Maths, behaviour, way of thinking, all that stuff. Which links to expression.
    4. Some people around me stereotype gender strongly and stigmatise acting/being not in that way as wrong

    Hugs (&&&) and thank you for help :icon_bigg and bearing with me :icon_wink
     
    #23 Mihael, May 11, 2016
  4. Eveline

    Eveline
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    That makes sense, I hope you find peace in the identity. (*hug*)
     
    #24 Eveline, May 11, 2016
  5. JessicaJones

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    Thumbs up. It always helps to bounce ideas around. :slight_smile:
     
    #25 JessicaJones, May 11, 2016
    Last edited: May 11, 2016
  6. Mihael

    Mihael
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    Oh shit.

    I know. Craaaap.

    It's completely normal, everyone read me wrong, including myself. I feel like a man. I mean... I am a man. My sense of self is masculine, my sense of self is "he". And that's about it. Male and female is expression.

    Craaaap. This is the "born in the wrong body" feeling. This subliminal discomfort around being treated like a girl and why I have such a difficulty finding identity in my sex, behaving like my own sex, reassembling my own sex. Because I am a man, and don't need to become one, I already am a man. That's why I think about gender so much, in the first place. And that's why I go such great lengths to appear less female.

    ---------- Post added 12th May 2016 at 04:23 PM ----------

    Great... Born in the wrong body. Marvellous.
     
    #26 Mihael, May 12, 2016
  7. Mihael

    Mihael
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    It all makes sense now.

    ---------- Post added 12th May 2016 at 05:06 PM ----------

    I'm not sure how I go about explaining everyone I'm Michael, not Michelle. Especially as I have always been such a feminist and insisted that I am a girl in such a stubborn manner. :bang: And that gender is bullshit, and that no, men and women do not differ at all. That's quite shitty :eusa_doh: I'm sorry I swear so much. I can congratulate myself that I was thrown into my face that I'm transgender many times and then denied it.
     
    #27 Mihael, May 12, 2016
  8. Mihael

    Mihael
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    But maybe I'm pessimistic. All the people around me seem to treat me like a guy and accept that even though I'm a woman I'm much more like a man and don't identify fully as a woman.

    If that's just it... Then I feel happy and relieved. I can go on with my life and be the prettiest transgender man in the world :wink:
     
    #28 Mihael, May 12, 2016
  9. Eveline

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    The question is, how do you manage to maintain that identity? With all honesty, I would consider starting to reexamine your views about transitioning and begin exploring that option. If you are a trans man, then choosing not to transition can be hurtful in the long run. In the end, as you grow older, your feminine features will become more pronounced as you are exposed for longer periods to Estrogen. You might be able to pass at the moment without changing your body but over time, it will become much harder and the earlier you start on the process, the better the results will be. Furthermore, gender dysphoria tends to become much harder to cope with as you grow older. We are all afraid to transition but the reality is that looking ahead to the future we have little choice about it if we want to have a chance at a normal life.

    That's the problem with identity. Taking on a label has specific meanings. Identifying as a trans man means that you expect people to treat you only as a man. What does it mean to you to be a man?
     
    #29 Eveline, May 13, 2016
  10. DRex

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    I've found what's helped me the most is to stop asking "Who am I?" or "Am I more male or more female?" Because that doesn't really work. There is no definite answer to what makes someone male or female. I fell into that trap several months ago; I was trying to go through my behaviors and expressions, define which ones were male and female,m and see how they added up... but then I realized that I could name women who displayed most of the "male" behaviors and men who displayed more of the "female" ones as well. Gender really has little to do with behavior; most of those are just stereotypes.

    In the end, the question you really need to ask is "What do I feel I have to do in order to be at peace with myself?"
     
    #30 DRex, May 13, 2016
  11. Mihael

    Mihael
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    How do I maintain this identity? I'm sorry but I don't understand, especially in terms of looking the part. It's of course a fun feeling to pass sometimes, but... it's not a be-all for me. What really matters is having genuine contact with other people, and that happens when you accept yourself and don't try to be someone you're not.

    If someone lives a lie, of course the regret will be worse with every year. But if you don't? I don't believe I will experience ever stronger dysphoria, because I'm not pretending and not denying myself anything I want, or closing myself to any emotions.

    And *cough* I never took hormones and never will. Probably. But. I would count excersicing and voice training as a permanent alteration, especially if you do it at my age. Tested on humans :wink:

    I think this comes down to this question. To me being a man is a set of charasteristics more shared than not by a very diverse group of people. It just is. Other than the fact I keep on misgendering myself, it doesn't feel wrong to be like... only a guy. I'm not perticularily used to it, but it doesn't *feel* wrong.

    ---------- Post added 13th May 2016 at 03:36 PM ----------
    What I need to do is probably stop beating myself up, shaming myself for feeling the way I feel and being the way I am, questioning my own intuition/feelings, and stop telling myself a million excuses why.
     
    #31 Mihael, May 13, 2016
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