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My boyfriend's mood swings about our relationship..

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Itisthefear, May 9, 2016.

  1. Itisthefear

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    So ive been with my boyfriend for over 3 months now. Wen we met everything was so magical. Recently we had some huge fights over his mood swings

    One day he might be so happy and excited about us and our relationship and the next day he might be furstrated and sad, insinuating that our relationship is doomed.

    He revealed to me that he is happy with me at the moment but he is uncertain if he would like to be with me in the Future.
    I dont understand what is that supposed to mean, we are together as long as we are both having fun, Why would he not build Now to have a better Future? And why would he ruin his mood about it if it's concerning the future?

    I also asked him if he truly wants to be with me, and he didnt know what to reply he remained silent. Then i asked him if he thinks that being with me is making him lose experience that he could get from someone else and he told me that that is true.

    As a result i lost much of my confidence as a partner because when someone tells you things like that you start blaming yourself. I really love him and i've grown some serious feelings for him.
    Ive started doubting everything and ive also started making all these weird thoughts about why he doesnt want to be with me. He is rarely speaking to me about important matters and as a result im getting very insecure.
    There is this huge fear that im feeling that everytime he sends a message its a break up message. I dont want to be like that with him.

    He says he loves me all the time but i dont believe him, Why would someone that loves you say things like that?
    i told him i want to break up but he was begging me not to. He said that we should give it a chance and now he is all happy again. Yesterday he started being all weird and depressed about where we are going as a couple
    i just can't deal with this...i don't know what to do!!

    he is 19 im 21. Thanks for reading...:kiss:
     
    #1 Itisthefear, May 9, 2016
    Last edited: May 9, 2016
  2. Capricorn98

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    Have you asked him about the experiences he's missing?
     
  3. Itisthefear

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    i asked him to tell me, he said he didnt know what that is...all he said was that "something is missing"...Which is totally killing me because making all this mess over something he doesn't even know what it is...
     
  4. Capricorn98

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    hmm do you go out and do stuff that a typical 19 year old would do?
     
  5. Itisthefear

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    well yeah i suppose, we visit places, we play video games, we watch movies we like the same music pretty much

    He doesnt like going to clubs or Drinking so we avoid that....
     
  6. Capricorn98

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    do you have much sex. sorry XD
     
  7. Itisthefear

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    well our sex life is Okey, we live far away and we dont always have a place for our own. But i havent noticed that something is missing from our Sex life..i've asked him and he has told me that's it has nothing to do with our Sex life
     
  8. Capricorn98

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    maybe it could be the fact that you live apart, would it be possible to have him over at yours for a weekend or go somewhere nice?
     
  9. Itisthefear

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    Yeah we have actually spend some weekends together, Im a university student i have my own apartment so whenever he visits we live together for a couple of days.

    I think that he doesnt want to commit yet because he is still young and he feels that he is "missing" all the fun because he is in a relationship...That's the only thing i can think of
     
  10. Capricorn98

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    the way i interpret it it when he says 'missing out all the fun' im missing out on getting drunk and having loads of sex.

    the wierd thing is that he told you he doesnt like drinking or clubbing. there's something that doesnt add up
     
  11. Itisthefear

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    well i myself like drinking when im going out and i like clubbing, he has never been to a club and he avoids it for some reason. As for having sex yeah. I think it could be a reason, we have talked about our past sexual experiences and his experience were always a bit "dirty"....

    i dont know though, I might myself think how my life would be now if i was "messing around" but my love for him is there and it doesnt bother me that im "missing the fun"..Because i have fun being with him and i have fun when we are in Bed and all that stuff.
     
  12. Capricorn98

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    if he has told you about the 'dirty' stuff you did with him. maybe you could try that.

    are you often spontaneous with him?
     
  13. Itisthefear

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    Yeah i am, as much as i can :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  14. Capricorn98

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    have you done any of the dirty things he used to do?
     
  15. Itisthefear

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    Yeah i have actually. That's why i think it;s not really the sex between us that's getting in the way
     
  16. Invidia

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    One thing I can say quite frankly is that no one has mood swings because they want to. So maybe it would be prudent for you to try and see things from his point of view for a second. Imagine having an unstable mood and poor control over it. Wouldn't that be kind of hard for you, the person who is having the mood swings, in that case?
    Your boyfriend isn't being rude or hurtful out of spite. It's probably something he has poor control over. In a non-pushy way, maybe you could try talking to him about it.
     
  17. Itisthefear

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    He as a person has mood swings about everything. He never knows what he wants. His answer is always i dont know if i want something or not.
    He doesnt know what he likes he doesnt know what he wants. I sometimes find it rather insulting and most of all insulting for himself.

    Im with him because im trying to see things from his own prospective but as i said ive been hurt by his words a lot..
     
  18. Invidia

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    Your hurt feelings are completely valid. What I'm asking for is rather that you try and understand, for yours and his sake, that he most likely doesn't mean any harm. That is a better platform on which to work on your relationship.
     
  19. OGS

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    I have to say that given your ages it seems somewhat unrealistic to think that you will be a long term thing. A lot of people feel like they would like to have some experience under their belt before they settle down. Most just lie about it and pretend. It sounds to me like he respects and values you too much to do that. He sounds like a good guy to me. Just my two cents.
     
  20. gravechild

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    Three months seems a bit early to start planning the whole future out, doesn't it? You're both young, and he seems to have his own issues to work through. Why not enjoy where you're at, for the moment?