Gay married men's sexual life with their wives

Before I came out to her I found sex with her difficult. :icon_redf
After coming out we agreed not to have sex (but I did offer). What a relief for me
She did say that I was not that good at sex. - It's difficult to be good at something that you don't enjoy.:rolle:

Personally I think there is a lot more to a relationship than sex!

 

I am somewhat bisexual (Kinsey 5) and was in denial when I got married, so I enjoyed heterosexual sex. Of course now I find sex and relationships with men much more satisfying.

 

I know for me, I have never particularly enjoyed sex with my wife. Over the years we have had sex less and less (pretty much sexless). Sex has been a mixture of me sometimes satisfying her to me not being able to perform. I have enjoyed acting on my fantasies with myself more than sex within the marriage.

 

Hi, in my case whilst in denial through my 20s and 30s when I got married straight sex was good and I thought that was what I wanted. I enjoyed it as well, so guess I am a bit bi too. Once I started to address my sexuality and start to accept myself (am still not there but on the way) I realised what I really wanted was gay sex and so straight sex just wasn't interesting to me. It became more of a chore really in a relationship. Over the last few years its pretty no existent. I think as you get more into a long term relationship though sex becomes less important so relationship can survive without it. Where the difficulty is though is dealing with the constant desires to satisfy my gay side!

 

I have a reasonably good relationship in all areas aside from sex, so I think you'd probably be happy, although not sexually satisfied. What I find though is that the gay desires I have just get stronger and stronger as I start to accept myself more and after a whiles this impacts your relationship whether you like it or not. So longer term you may struggle and if you get married and have kids it really can be a struggle :-(

 

I'm arguably a Kinsey 5 as well. I really enjoy sex with my lady, and did with my ex-girlfriend as well. It never made me stop desiring or feeling like I needed sex with men still, but independently yes I enjoy sex with the women whom I've had sex with. That said, I often think if I started dating guys, I wouldn't particularly miss sex with women.

 

When I was still negotiating my sexuality with myself, i had no issue having sex with my x wife; and I enjoyed it. When I had my catalyst moment and began to realize I was in fact gay (this was about six months before I ultimately came out to myself and accepted I was gay), I found it extremely difficult. The difficulty during this six month period helped me accept that I was gay. And once I did accept myself, I found absolutely no interest remained in having sex with a woman.

 

I was able to kind of enjoy it, once I got going but ultimately it was unsatisying and I felt like I would rather it didn't happen than it did. I tried to play this off as being a bit lazy but it was more due to the fact that I was gay. Prob a Kinsey 5 so I guess this means I am able to do it, but think with men it will be more in tune with my desires. I also found that many of my dalliances with women would leave me with a depressed empty feeling but I failed to out two and two together.

 

As many posters have said, once you accept yourself as gay/Kinsey 5, it's harder to perform with a woman. So if you enter into a LTR with a woman knowing that you are a Kinsey 5, I can't predict what is going to happen. You'll probably need to be super motivated to make the arrangement work. Please keep in mind that Kinsey 5 is 90% gay / 10% straight, so you would be going against your nature. Like most of the posters on this thread, you'll probably have a growing urge to be with men as you approach middle age. Personally I would advise you against entering a long-term relationship with a woman as a Kinsey 5, but I'm also trying to present the facts objectively so that you can make an informed decision.

 

I can only repeat what Sienna said, and add: you would be doing a disservice, not only to yourself, your very soul, but to the woman you would marry (and their family).

I know the situation is difficult where you are, but let's put it this way, in order for a tree to thrive in a difficult environment, do you move the tree, or change the environment? (In effect, it's the same thing).

Wow...this is my 7000th post!

 

thinkreal93

As a bisexual, I enjoy sex with women. But, I am probably a Kinsey 2. As a 4.5 to 5, I would be concerned that you could not maintain the attraction to your wife necessary for a good long haul marriage.

My wife lost interest in sex and my same sex desires almost caused me to destroy a 30 year marriage. I began to, and still do to some extent, resent my wife for not allowing me to express my sexuality (and she doesn't know I am bi).

I would strongly suggest, at a minimum, that you be honest about your orientation with your spouse. Your same sex desires will, likely, not go away and may become stronger, or in my case, more urgent. Had my wife been aware, all along, of my orientation, I think my recent crisis would have been less severe.

 

I got hit on at a bar by several guys when I was on an overseas trip. It sent what felt like a bolt of lightening through me, and I felt as if I had woken up from what seemed like a 20 year nap.

 

Wow, this thread really spoke to me this morning. I often wondered about the fact that I really enjoyed sex with my wife for so many years even though I'm now coming to terms with the fact that I'm gay. It's nice to hear so many other guys experienced the same thing I did.

I've been in a relationship with my wife for 20 years and most of that time, I enjoyed sex with her. I never really got turned on by other women in all those years though... just got turned on by the intimacy I have with my wife. But as someone above pointed out, when middle age hit, I became overwhelmed and the gay side of me is now screaming for attention. It's made it very hard for me to be sexually satisfied in the bedroom since then.

 

This is me, all the way. In turn, I believe my wife doesn't feel the same desire as she once did, because my desire is gone. The last time we did have sex, she made the first move and that was several months ago.

 

This really worries me. I want to get married to a woman one day but worried that I won't be able to perform adequately. I have had no sexual experience with men but from what I know of myself, I'm probably a Kinsey 5.

What do you think guys: am I worrying for no reason or would sex with a woman really be quite difficult for someone like me? Would Viagra help?

 

I take it you are a virgin with both men and women? If you are a Kinsey 5, why would you want to get married to a woman? Why not explore your attraction to guys?