So my friend E has finally pushed my limits. First off, she can't talk about anything except her boyfriend and ex. Next, she constantly third-wheels me and pretty much ignores me while this is going on then she expects me to give her 100% of my attention the second her boyfriend is gone. Then, when her boyfriend isn't there and I'm having a conversation with her, she ALWAYS changes the topic to her boyfriend, and she just goes on and on about him. And finally, she gets my pronouns wrong quite often, but recently she's gotten better with them, though now her boyfriend (who I'm out to) gets my pronouns wrong 24/7 and she NEVER corrects him. In fact, she starts using the wrong pronouns for me too around him. TSo my friend E has finally pushed my limits. First off, she can't talk about anything except her boyfriend and ex. Next, she constantly third-wheels me and pretty much ignores me while this is going on then she expects me to give her 100% of my attention the second her boyfriend is gone. Then, when her boyfriend isn't there and I'm having a conversation with her, she ALWAYS changes the topic to her boyfriend, and she just goes on and on about him. And finally, she gets my pronouns wrong quite often, but recently she's gotten better with them, though now her boyfriend (who I'm out to) gets my pronouns wrong 24/7 and she NEVER corrects him. In fact, she starts using the wrong pronouns for me too around him. Today was no exception, except today was the last straw. I've been out to E for almost five months, and her getting my pronouns wrong really hurts me. I actually cried a little the second I saw my friend S and told her what happened. I had a conversation with E about a month ago about how important my pronouns are to me and how they really affect my self esteem, and she apologized and began using my correct pronouns. Although now I guess she's completely forgotten that conversation since she has a boyfriend. I ignored E in all of my classes after she and her boyfriend kept using the wrong pronouns this morning so I wouldn't say something regretful to her. So I think I'm going to tell E if she and her boyfriend can't respect me, then I don't want the friendship of either of them. Also, I'm going to tell E that I don't want to be her friend if she can't actually hold a conversation without mentioning her significant other. Am I overreacting though? Is it me who's actually the problem? Any advice on what to do would be appreciated. -Romeo
Even when you completely remove the pronoun factor out of the equation, she still doesn't sound like that good of a friend. Friendships are suppose to be relatively balanced, not completely about one person's life. I agree with your plan. Tell her that you feel she talks too much about her bf, and that you'd like to talk about stuff that is a little more relatable to both of you. Personally, the way I am, I would tell her the way I feel, and see if she changes. If she doesn't then I'd start distancing myself. Especially if it's a new relationship, then maybe in a month or two she'll realize how obsessed she was with her bf.
So I talked to her today. She went on to apologise, but also mention how it's not her fault since her grandma (who she outed me to) and her boyfriend consistently use the wrong pronouns and make fun of me in front of her. She also went on to tell me how her boyfriend thinks I'm a joke and he calls me Larry. I don't know how she expected me to react to that information, but I broke down crying. I told her that I really need her to start standing up for me, and how actions speak louder than words. She said she'd try harder. I also told her that I no longer wish to see her boyfriend, and she understood and promised to try and keep him away from me. So I left off on okay terms with her, although I'm pissed at her boyfriend and now I feel like crap.
I'm so sorry you're going through that If she doesn't make any effort to stand up for you in any way, I'd say you should distance yourself. The toxicity her boyfriend shows is no good for you, and if he's influencing her, then she'll become toxic, too. Regardless, I hope everything gets better for you (*hug*)
WHAT? Forget her. Seriously. That is so not OK. You need some real friends. You feel like crap because you have crappy friends.
Thank you both for your responses. (*hug*) I'm going to give her some time to prove herself, because I'm a strong believer in 2nd chances, and if she keeps letting him disrespect me then I'm going to distance myself from her. I told my older sister about what happened with the boyfriend, since shes known him for a few years (as have I), and she's pissed at him too. She's cutting off all contact with him, to show that if he messes with me, he messes with my family. Her support really means a lot to me, and she's spent a lot of time today cheering me up which is great. :lol:
