Up until a few months ago I assumed I was straight. I then became friends with a girl through a mutual friend. The girl is constantly flirting and being touchy feely with girls and is very tom boyish. At first I thought she was gay but found out through the mutual friend that she is straight. Shortly after becoming friends she started flirting and being touchy feely with me. This progressed to holding hands, kissing each other on the cheek, dancing together, etc. Then the mutual friend had a girls night where we played truth or dare. We were dared to kiss each other for 10 seconds but it went on way longer. For the rest of the night we carried on kissing and ended up full on making out in a bedroom. Afterwards she told me to keep it between me and her. The next time we saw each other we were the same and kissed again. She began texting me, however we never spoke about what had happened between us. Then one day she made a reference to what she wants from a guy when thinking of settling down with him. This came completely out of the blue and I took it to mean she was letting me know that she is in fact straight. I told her I had feelings for her but felt it probably wasn't reciprocated, and if that was the case I'd like some space from her. She said that she doesn't like girls in that way and she was sorry for confusing me. I was angry as her reply made it sound as though she had no idea why I thought we were anything more than just friends. She later said that she does think I'm attractive and she kissed me, etc because she wanted to. She also said that she'd been in this position before but I was the first girl she had done anything with. I later found out through our mutual friend that the girl is seeing a guy and that things seem pretty serious. She has even told her mum about him, which is something she's never done with her previous boyfriends. I was very confused and tried to keep my distance. Then the other day we both went to a party and got drunk. We went back to hugging and kissing. At one point we were alone in a bedroom and she apologised over and over about 'everything'. She then began to cry but didn't want to talk about what had upset her. Once she stopped crying I hugged her and accidentally breathed on her neck. She said that turns her on so I said sorry and backed away. I asked if she wanted me to stop hugging her and she said no. We then carried on kissing and hugging for the rest of the night. The next day she texted me, we've been texting since then but have not spoken about what happened at the party. From what I know of her situation (through what she's told me and through my mutual friend) it seems to me that she is gay but is having a hard time admitting it to herself. Her family is religious and quite strict. She is 24, lives at home and checks in with her family all the time. I also know that she is still a virgin as she's waiting till marriage. If it is the case that she is gay but struggling with her sexuality I want to be there for her, even if it's just as a friend as I really care about her. However, I am also worried that she may only be sexually attracted to females, not romantically. I have been in this kind of situation with guys who are only interested in sex and I don't want to be used by her just for sex. I would appreciate if other people could tell me what they think based on what I've said.
I think she is struggling with her attraction to females as you said she lives at home and her family is religious and quite strict so she may not want to come out as gay because she's worried how they'll react. I think she does like you more than she's letting on though, she sounds like she's struggling to cone to terms with it so just hopes that you two kissing and making out will continue. You both need to sit down and talk about this you need to talk about your feelings for her and ask her what she wants from your friendship, a friends don't usually make out with each other on several occasions. If she's struggling to come to terms with her sexuality then offer to be there for her but tell her you don't want to be an experiment for her. You need to tell her what she's doing making out with you after knowing your feelings is hurting you and will ruin your friendship in the long run. You need to set boundaries between you and if you even hugging her could turn her on and start you two making out then that needs to stop, I think you need to distance yourself from her for a bit so she can make her mind up what she wants
How drunk? Do you guys have any of these moments sober? I don't think she really knows what she wants and it would be best if you kept your distance. Be a friend and don't expect a whole lot more. And if she's genuinely waiting for marriage, she wouldn't use you for sex.
