You are an awesome father. I've booked marked this to comment later. Your post related and hit me to close to home that I need to cry now and respond constructively later.
Keep hanging around this section and being the amazing parent you are! And feel free to encourage your son to join EC, assuming he is okay with it.
The best thing I've read in a long, long time. This world could use more fathers like you. Keep supporting your son and treating him no differently. While coming out to my parents didn't go bad, I think all of us can hope for a reaction like yours. Don't stress so much, you are doing an awesome job and I can tell that from just reading a few of your posts.
You seem like a really genuine great guy.. First of all, don't approach him about it.. As much as it may hurt to be lied to or not being told something, it's harder for him... He will come out in time and all you should do is great him with open arms.. I wouldn't suggest telling him immediately after coming out that you knew... Just make him feel safe and welcome, maybe dropping in a few hints.. About the mother, her loss?
Just to keep you all up to speed... Today is the start of my scheduled weekend and I picked him up from school and things are very good here at my home. All is doing very well. I think some of my main concern has been also centered around some very significant weight loss for him. He is almost too skinny. His mom did call earlier this week with a similar concern. What I was screaming to say to her was "If you'd let him be who he is at home with you, then he wouldn't be so nervous all the time and he would probably be healthier for it!" However what I did do was express how much I love and care for him and that he seems to be relaxed and eating well here with me. I imagine he is nervous somewhat around her because he can't truly be himself. But I don't know for sure. I plan on talking more about it with him tomorrow morning in a gentle and relaxed manner. Perhaps, he will let me know more and I certainly hope he does. I will continue to keep you all posted.
I can't believe I read the whole thing...but this is such a touching story. I wish you were my dad. My dad is cool, but he had never acknowledged my sexuality/gender presentation at all. Which isn't really bad, but he has just never been involved in my life even though I lived with him for like eighteen years. Your son is very lucky. Even if his mom never accepts him, having an amazing person like you to love him for who he is will make all the difference in the world. I'm not crying...T.T
You guys make me sound like a superhero. Lol. Every word I have spoken here is from my heart. As I think upon things now I wonder if parents who aren't as accepting are spoiled in some way or another. I mean that in a matter of fact sense. I think because I lost a child it gave me this sense of urgency and compassion for my sons. No matter what, I am determined to be there for them and because of that, the love I have for them is endless. I think if parents know what that kind of loss can do to change your life and outlook on your other children as a result then it is truly a sad state of affairs. I would never wish that pain on my worst enemy! I believe if his mom could walk in my shoes for a day she would change. But she doesn't know how spoiled she is, she doesn't know what I know. All she knows is that she has been brought up to believe that it is wrong. I believe if she did travel a mile through my "soles" and see my "soul" her ideals of that would change. Until then dad remains happy and mom remains in the dark..... I think it will be like this for a long time.
Well, since lots of LGBT+ people struggle with their parents a bit, it's just nice to have someone like you in existence, you know? I mean, I can't speak for everyone here, but I think you're definitely a hero in your own way Plus, reading this thread has made me so happy, so just keep doing you, and I'm glad it's genuine :eusa_danc
Hey Jemstone7, I noticed you think your son is having a hard time being closeted from his mother and I would like to let you know how things were for me when I was in that position. Pretty much I wasn't sleeping at all, was kind of stressed and my eating was really bad. For example sometimes I would stress eat a ton and then just not eat at all. Anyways the stress and no sleep was getting too bad for me that I had to come out to my mom. What I did was I wrote a letter and it took me quite a few tries to give it to my mom as I have social anxiety which makes coming out even harder but I knew once I came out to her a lot of my anxiety would be lifted and guess what, when I handed her that letter and she told me that she supported me, that she wanted me to be happy, to not feel bad about who I am and to ignore the haters it made me feel a lot better. To be honest I was kind of surprised because well she made homophobic comments every now and then but she accepted me. I would also like to mention she is a christian. Anyways I feel that maybe he is stressing because of not coming out to his mom and that he maybe isn't eating much there because of it too as I had similar experiences as I described. All I have to say is do whatever you think is best because from what you have done so far I know you are a very good person and always make the right choice
yes it will be difficult at times when he has to conceal it out of fear of hysterical overreaction if his mom/stepdad find out. And yeah, it has likely caused a rift between them that'll continue even if she does miraculously accept it, because of the years he's spent afraid of her. But that is beyond your control Gay people learn that 'coming out' is a continual process. He may start a new job 10 years from now and have the same concerns, even if only at first. But when you think of it, everyone censors themselves in various settings. The key is to have *some* kind of outlet, and he has that now. Believe me it could've been a lot lot worse if you hadn't intervened If i can make one suggestion, if he really lives out in the sticks it may help to take him to some place where gay kids his age would gather, like in a city, at least until he gets a license. That's probably one reason for clinging to this friend
Yes you are a superhero. Never underestimate yourself sir. Almost every single problem of LGBTQI people concerns about their parent's reaction. I wished my parents were as caring as you, or at least having knowledge about their children without forcing them to be what they are not. You may find out there, so much worse reactions, e.g kicked from the house, wanting their children to die instead of being a gay, and many more. Any children would be happy for their entire life knowing they have overwhelmingly supportive father, either they are hetero or LGBTQI.
My mom,adoptive but ive been with her since i was born is not suppotive. Nor is my dad. It's because of their beliefs, i know my biological mom who ive kept in contact with would but before i was planning on leaving my religion when i didnt she stopped talking to me i just want to tell her.......but i cant get ahold of her I'm so frustrated :-(
Oh my gosh your post literally made me cry. You're such a sweet and wonderful father and its so touching how much you care about him and are concerned for him. I like the first reply's idea that you could find a way to get him to read this. Maybe have it open as a tab on your phone when you give it to him to do something on or leave it open on a computer where he can see. Approaching him about the subject may be awkward or uncomfortable but is an option if you think its the way to go. You could also just wait for him to come out to you. This would ensure that your son is comfortable enough with who he is that he is ready to tell the world. The most important thing you can do is making sure he knows how much you love him and support him no matter what.
Wow. You are amazing. Almost shed a tear. I would suggest that you either tell him exactly what you wrote here or to show him in small ways that you are fine with lgbt-oriented things. You can do this by randomly bringing up gay topics and show that you are totally fine with them. For example, you can mention that you watched "Brokeback Mountain" and thought it was a wonderful story of love between two people...with beautiful scenery of the mountains etc. I would add a few other details just so it doesn't seem like you are bringing it up because you know he's gay. Then after you create a supportive atmosphere, where you remind him that you will love him no matter what and that being gay is super okay with you, just wait for him to open up to when he is ready. I would then suggest to ask him directly, what you can do to support him and make him happy to be in his skin.
Things are going so well now between us. I am always concerned about the day he comes out to his mom though, and I probably always will be until he eventually does. But this week is one of the rare times I have him for the whole week. You know what I find interesting.... He eats, he is himself, he doesn't nervously vomit periodically, he is relaxed and in general just a great son. He spent some time today with my bestie girlfriend from work, his "aunt Rachael" (don't we all have those relatives that aren't really relatives, but we wish they were) and he is also relaxed and himself around her. He's always in good spirits to those he has come out to or those that know from me as close personal friends of the family. Of course, I asked him first before telling them so no worries there. I just hope that sooner than later he can tell her. All I know is that when he does get prepared to do so that he includes me in the conversation so he has a support center. Until then, it's business as usual and still happy to have a respectful, well mannered, and good looking gay son!
You are a great father, really, and I am very sorry for your loss. This story of yours brought a huge smile I struggled a lot to come out to my parents, they are not so bigot but pretty conservative. It took me a lot of time because first I wasn't really sure about anything, then I moved out to study and never came back to living at their house, so I didn't feel the need to tell them. But later I got sick of lying/hiding and needed to tell them. I felt anguish and couldn't think of anything else, as I was living in a different country, I wanted to wait to tell my mother in person, but the distress kept growing so I finally did it on a Skype call. She didn't take it very well but told me they would have to accept it, I wish she thought like you... But that's not gonna happen. Anyway, I tell you all this because maybe you can help him to relax a bit and take one step at a time. His dad already knows and it's great about it so why don't relax a bit and enjoy this moment? There is always time to tell his mum. I really know it's awful to hide like this but he has your support and he can use it to grow some courage while deciding what to do. So, if I were you, I think I'd try to calm him down about this, telling him he has to come out to his mum only when he is ready, that there is no rush at all, and even less now that you are there for him. I think it would be great if you are with him when the conversation takes place. I hope it's clear what I am trying to say, in my head sounds like it. As someone else already said before, feel free to write a comment anytime if you need to talk.
