Sick of having the same argument with my parents

Perhaps they don't really grasp what being gay means. Sure you could choose not to engage in any gay activities but it's not really about what you do what makes you gay. It's all about what you feel and who you feel attracted to. Perhaps you could compare it to celibacy: you can decide not to have sex but that will not take away your sexual urges and it certainly won't prevent you from falling in love with someone.

Perhaps you could meet a qualified psychologist or a therapist with your parents and they could help your parents to understand what it actually means to be gay.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

Now I'm not going to sugarcoat this. Sadly, you just can't get through to some people about being gay. They won't accept it no matter how hard you try to convince them that there's nothing wrong with it and that your feelings are natural. I've talked to my mom (who is Christian) a few times about being bisexual, and how I'm more naturally drawn to men. She just doesn't get it, she doesn't accept it, and she doesn't want to believe it, no matter how much I try to get her to understand my view.

It's really just the way it is. You can keep trying to get your parents to understand how you feel, but for some people it just doesn't work, no matter how hard you try. Now of course anybody has the ability to be accepting of homosexuality, but a lot of people just have a really thick skull in regard to it, and it sucks.

Either way, it'd be nice if you keep us informed about what happens. I hope you or somebody else can somehow change their opinion.

 

So I read your other post from several months ago.

If you're able to take care of yourself like most adults... Leave. Do all you can to get as far away as possible from your parents. It's time for you to start living your own life. If your parents can't accept you for who you are and try to make you a different person, there is no true relationship with them in the first place, therefore it can't be ruined. You don't deserve to be treated this way and keep in mind that it's not your fault, it's theirs. Don't feel guilty for leaving them.

If your parents get physically violent, report them.

I wish the best for you.

 

You probably already know that you're on the right side here, not them.
And, if they're being that way and your able to leave, then leave them if that's what you'd want. No one needs those kinds of people in their lives.
It's probably a little frustrating that you seemingly can't change their minds, but their opinions shouldn't have such an effect on your life, so don't feel guilty if you do end up leaving them either.
No one should be treated that way.
And you're not being selfish, in fact, it's them who are.
Go ahead, live how you want to, you don't need them to tell you that stuff like they're right. If you do choose to leave them and they argue, just keep trying.
It's your life, after all.

Wishing you the best, i hope i could help even just a little.
-Umi

 

6 months is still (somehow) fresh news. They're not accepting it yet, so they do what they're naturally inclined to do: raise their defenses, often at your expense. Until they reach any form of acceptance, it might take some time. In the mean time, you have to pull through. I'm sorry there just isn't an easy way out of this, you just have to find a part of yourself that gives you the strength and courage to persevere.

 

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do or say to change their minds or make them understand. It sounds like they're reacting in a similar way my mom did when I first came out to her. She was very unhappy with me, told me things like "well this isn't what a mother dreams about when they have a baby girl!" and things like "this isn't what a mother wants for her daughter!"

A lot of parents say things like this, accuse us of being 'ungrateful' 'selfish' or a variety of other terms that make it seem like it's a choice, or like we're doing it on purpose to hurt them. This is a common reaction, sadly.

Now, at the time of my coming out, I was already living away from home. I cannot IMAGINE what it would have been like if I'd come out while still at home. If I were you, I would leave, get my own place and distance myself form them. DO NOT cut them out of your life entirely, at least not yet. My mom came around. It took several years, but now she is VERY supportive of me and my wife. She's even called me several times, proud of herself for educating other parents about gay children and she talks about me and my wife at church to her friends. But it took a lot of bad phone conversations and a lot of misunderstandings to get here.

I do want to preface the above paragraph with a warning however, because things didn't go that well with my dad. I DID end up cutting him completely out of my life. If your parents become physically abusive, or if they say things purposefully to hurt you, then you need to take care of yourself first. The hard part is figuring out where that line is. If you have close friends, tell them everything that's happening to you. It was my good friends who told me my father was abusing me, because I couldn't see it for myself. But once I did see it, I knew what I had to do.

Keep us all updated. We'll help where we can.