About a year ago I came out to my mom. It went really horribly and it really fucked me up. I was acting really weird the whole day trying to build up the courage to tell her. She knew something was up so she asked me to tell her something she doesn't know about me. I said "I'm gay" and she had a look of pure shock on her face. I still remember that look so clearly. She asked if I was joking. I said no. She started crying and said "As a parent you have hopes and dreams for your kids" "I wanted you to have kids, but that won't happen" She was balling her eyes out at this point. She asked me how I knew I'm gay. (I had been talking to a guy for about a year and a half and I had kissed and went on dates with a few other guys) At this point I couldn't even talk anymore. I completely shut down. I didn't want to push it any further cuz I knew she would just continue to cry. She was washing a dish and she broke it (it was pretty dramatic). She said she "the way they have sex disgusts me". She left the room crying, and I just sat and stared at the wall for like an hour cuz I was like in shock or something. It was also the worst timing cuz I had to leave for work like really soon after. So before I left she said she'll always love me. It was confusing I guess. My whole work shift I felt weird like half worried half relieved. idk. When I got home from work she said she needed to talk to me. She said "I don't think your gay. I wouldn't be able to live if you were gay. I spent the whole night crying (I worked the night shift)" and she went on about how its not natural and all this stuff about god. She asked me to TAKE IT BACK. She made me repeat after her "I'm not gay". This whole year has been really shitty too cuz I haven't come out to anyone at my school (college). My mom has acted like it never happened to and when I hang out with my friends that are girls she says, "marry her and I'll pay for your wedding" How fucked up is that? I've been really depressed too cuz I feel trapped. I also don't want to disappoint her which I know is really fucked up. I'm like a dog that gets beat and still goes back to its master. Anyways, I'm fed up with not living my life and I want to be out and be myself and live my life the way I want to. Do you think I should come out again to her? idk Any advice would help. Thanks
maybe try and tell her again and make sure that she understands that is how you feel now and how you always will feel
It sounds like your mother has some very deep rooted personal 'demons'. The fact that she made a point of being disgusted by gay sex is completely irrational. I don't think any parent, regardless of their childs orientation, should or would want to think about the sex they may be having. The fact that she is prepared to ruin your relationship with her in order to preserve a false idea of who you are seems a step beyond normal denial. A parent should want their child to be happy but they don't have the right to dictate what happiness is and usually don't try to. Your mother clearly needs to get some professional help to process her own issue with coming to terms with your sexuality. Unfortunately unless she is willing, which I doubt she would be at present, she will just continue to use nonsense excuses to avoid acceptance. I think the best thing you can do is focus on your own happiness, don't fall for emotional blackmail techniques and live your life. Eventually she will realise that there is only one way to be a part of your life and seek to make the change. If you facilitate her fantasy world, where you are straight, then she will never need to accept you for who you really are.
I'm so sorry to hear that your mother isn't accepting for who you are and all these negative feelings affecting so. It's never easy coming out for anybody no matter what the circumstances may be. She's probably still in denial and still wish/thinks that you are in denial yourself. Which I can understand completely cause she doesn't want to see you get hurt in the long run. Same with my parents and grandparents. But I always put my foot down and let them know that I am gay and proud of it whether they like it or not. Give her time and she may come around. If not, just put your foot down and try not to back down and move forward whether she likes it or not. That would be my suggestion and hope all is well to you with the situation your dealing.
What I would do, being as I am, is not to mention it anymore. You already told her, so if she wants to ignore it, let it be like that... You keep with your life and at the end I think she will make her peace with it. I don't know if I've explained myself correctly, what I mean is that you can continue with your life, you can date boys but you don't have to tell her if you know this will bring more problems (once you are living by yourself it will be easier). She will make an effort to understand it I think, maybe she needs time and not to be pushed.
