1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How do you get over a crush that you can't distance yourself from?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Shadstack, Apr 18, 2016.

  1. Shadstack

    Shadstack Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2016
    Messages:
    108
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    uk
    Hey there! I'm seeking some advice.

    Here's my situation:

    I have this huge crush on one of the guys at my school. I have read the resources page about how to deal with straight crushes and only one piece of advice applied to me; focus on the flaws, even so, it doesn't really a help whole lot. The rest seems to give the message of 'distance and time,' but while that advice may apply to some, not me. I can't distance myself from him as he's in most of my classes including sitting right in front of me in form (registration) for 20 minutes at the start of every day, or sitting in front of me in assemblies on Tuesdays. Added to this, he's in my PE (Physical Education) class twice a fortnight and, call me creepy, but he's got a great body.

    Whenever I see him or think about him, I just imagine us passionately kissing (*cough cough* along with other things *cough cough*), and it breaks my heart to know it's never going to happen, it'll never be a possibility. I've never felt this strongly about someone I haven't spoke to that much at all.

    So, my question, what would you do?

    Thank you in advance,
    Shadd
     
  2. SillyGoose

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2016
    Messages:
    501
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manchester, UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I'm in a similar situation... He isn't in my form but I totally relate with everything else. My advice isn't great as you have probably witnesses but I've almost given up trying to overcome it. It makes me happy to think about it regardless of reality. A crush is a crush so you will probably get over it in a while :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    Sorry I've not been much help again...
    Hope things get better though...
     
  3. Sigtu12034

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2016
    Messages:
    175
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    A crush can last for a week or even a year. It isn't easy to overcome a crush. I used to have a crush on my friend which i am finally over, it lasted 7 months and i always wanted it to end because i knew that i had no chance with him. It was really hard for me get over my crush but i did it in the end. So what i just did was think about the bad stuff about him. For example, he might be hot, but mean or smelly or perverted or selfish... Etc. So think about the negative things about him. You might end up hating him but at least give it a try xD. No one is perfect after all... What also helped me is that i found a new crush who i do suspect is gay sometimes and i dont really wanna get over it unless im sure he is straight because i do know how it feels when you imagine your crush your boyfriend but that will never happen since he is straight... However, if thinking about his bad parts doesnt work, then just wait and be patient you will get over it some time and find someone better who might become your future boyfriend xD..
     
  4. mochii

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2015
    Messages:
    98
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    MA
    I had plenty of these in high school and tended to make a fool out of myself because I never understood I was gay and pursued a lot of them thinking they would like me back.:lol: so you are already ahead of the gang. But like others said, maybe a crush isn't so bad. It's okay to think he's great and has a nice bod. And it's okay to feel happy when you're with him. I know you can't distance yourself now, so you'll have to embrace the crush and eventually with time get over it. And maybe you can find someone new who's cute and has a nice bod!

    Just a little story, I had a best friend since I was a kid and in high school I was in love with her. It felt like we were a couple for about 6 years and then she started getting boyfriends and I felt really confused and heartbroken. I started distancing myself from her. Now we're both turning 23/24 and she is moving to across the country with her army boyfriend (my old friend from hs). I still feel happy and butterflies when I think of her or when someone says her name, but knowing she is straight really helps because there are no what-ifs. I know we'll never be together. And as sad as distancing myself was, it felt right because I don't think I would be able to be just friends with her without feeling more. Now, I even feel happy that she is in a great relationship and making the choice to move. So straight crushes can be overcome!! I promise. But for now I'd suggest just embracing your feelings.
     
  5. Embi

    Embi Guest

    I had a crush on a guy for about a year or so. He was also in most of my classes so I couldn't distance myself either. But what the others already said is definetly true.
    Also don't focus too much on him, otherwise you might not see someone else right in front of you, who is actually interested in you.
    But with 14, having a crush can be a nice feeling, even though it won't ever end in a relationship.
     
  6. Shadstack

    Shadstack Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2016
    Messages:
    108
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    uk
    Boop.

    This crush hasn't gotten any better. If anything, worse. I've tried focusing on the flaws...but he has none. He's so nice and kind, not like the other guys in my Year. He's sort of brushed past me a couple of times, touching me, since I last wrote this. Even this one time, he was 'lightly hugging' random people in our line on our way to a Maths lesson and he hugged me. Those moments have made me feel so...good. But then I get pangs of sadness and longing a couple of minutes later, and it's staring to make me feel awful. He'll walk past me when I'm sat down at my table, obviously oblivious to my feelings for him, and I get flustered and/or happy, then feel awful. Whenever he's in my sight, I can't help but look at him. For example, a group of friends I were out on the school field with were playing football. I sat out because I hate the game, but then my crush comes over and starts playing with them and my eyes are fixated on him. Luckily, he's too far away to notice my gaze.

    I'm sick of the longing and I'm tired of the hopelessness of it all and I just want it to go away.
     
    #6 Shadstack, May 17, 2016
    Last edited: May 17, 2016
  7. Calf

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2016
    Messages:
    472
    Likes Received:
    22
    Location:
    UK, Leeds
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    There isn't much you can do unfortunately because it's the same for all of us, it's just how it has to be. Even if you could find flaws in him, do you think that would even help? Would you find them off-putting or would you find them romantically quirky?
    One of the hardest parts of it is having to keep it to yourself and from my experience, if you want to keep your sexuality private then that's exactly what you have to do.
    I don't have any advice for stopping these feelings for him and if anyone did I'd probably be against it anyway so I'll tell you why.
    When I read your posts here, it made me think back to so many moments in my life when I felt the same. My high school crushes, college crushes, work and adult life crushes. It even made me think of the times that I sometimes get that feeling for my boyfriend, even after all this time. The difference now is that when I remember them, I remember what an amazing feeling it was and what a great part of my life it became. I know it isn't much help knowing that now while it feels so hopeless but there will be a time when you're glad for the experiences and the memories it creates.
    Don't forget that it's likely that someone out there has these exact same feelings from a major crush on you. You'll probably never know but that's the point, everyone has to go through it.
    If that didn't help then at least take comfort in the fact that the most attractive guys at school usually turn out to be the biggest disappointments in adult life. :badgrin:
     
  8. Shadstack

    Shadstack Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2016
    Messages:
    108
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    uk
    ugh, was*

    ---------- Post added 20th May 2016 at 01:00 AM ----------

    Thanks for the support :slight_smile: