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What will u do if someone talks about gay so homophobic?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by EWMK, Apr 15, 2016.

  1. EWMK

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    This afternoon, when I was talking to my friends, suddenly they talked about a guy in my class and said, "he is bi", "ew disgusting",... actually they said more than that but they used slang words so I don't know how to translate it into English. I just asked them who and they started talking about him so homophobic. I didn't say anything because I didn't know anything to say, just kept quiet. Every time someone talks about gay before me I can't say anything. I don't know why but I always feel unsafe and uncomfortable when talking about gay with somebody. I need help to get out of this felling and can talk about gay more confident and comfortable
    THANKS FOR ANY ADVICE
     
  2. Majush93

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    I think that the reason you don´t like to talk about gays with someone can be because you are maybe afraid of being accused of being gay...I was like that in high school, I mean, back then I haven´t accepted myself as bi but still...I had a problem with talking about lgbt+ community....when somebody insulted them it insulted me because I was on their side, I thought that there is nothing wrong with them and it´s just love :wink:) but every time when this happened during high school I stayed quiet because I was scared of being accused of being lesbian or something xD

    but as I grew older it became more comfortable to talk about this kind of stuff, I started to be really, like really vocal about it :grin: and when we had a referendum here in Slovakia (it was basically against gay people :/ luckily it didn´t pass :grin:) my family surely knew my opinion on it :grin:

    and last year, I finally accepted myself as bi :slight_smile:) it was a long journey but let me tell you, it was the best feeling in the world to finally accept myself, this part of myself :slight_smile:) and after that I don´t think it´s hard for me to talk about this stuff. It´s true I am out only to like 6 people in real life but if someone talks bad about gays I immediately call them out on it (I ask them why are lgbt people wrong? I tell them that it´s just love and that they shouldn´t hate people only because they love someone of their own gender. I also tell them that it isn´t something what should bother them right? How can sexual orientation of a person bother another person? Simply, it can´t bother anyone else, sexual orientation can only "bother" or rather impact the one who has this orientation. It doesn´t or shouldn´t affect someone else.)

    And also, it doesn´t bother me so much what people think about me, or if they think I am a lesbian because I support lgbt+ people, I just don´t care...let them think, whatever...at the end they are not completely wrong :grin: but I am not gonna tell them that :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: :grin: yet xD I hope that one day I will be okay with saying that to more and more people :slight_smile:

    anyway, I was just trying to say that when you get older you will probably be more okay with talking about gays with others :wink:) or maybe, try to tell more people that you are gay if you want and have someone you can trust :wink: I think that would help too because when you are more comfortable with being gay then you will be probably more comfortable with talking about gays and standing up against hateful people :wink:)

    good luck and have a great day :wink:)
     
  3. EWMK

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    Thank u for your advice but I think I accept myself as gay. I have already talked to my 2 bf that I'm gay
    I think I'm scared of if I react to what ppl say about gay they will know I'm gay. I'm not ready to let everyone know especially my mom. So should I just keep quiet every time and pretend I agree with what ppl talk to me about gay, genders, ...
     
  4. ACoolUserName

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    Hey EWMK, I think I'm stuck in the same boat as you. When my friends make homophobic remarks about members of the lgbt+ community I just get tongue tied :/ . Since I'm clearly not the best person to be giving advice on this issue, I'm gonna try and help you based on a probable scenario I've made in my head haha :grin: if you really feel like you want to say something but you may have fears of someone discovering your orientation, I'd suggest presenting the questions that Majush93 mentioned but in the most calm and rational manner possible. That will make it seem like you're just sparking a simple discussion , but if people do start questioning you, just tell them that although you may not be gay/bi/pan etc (just to hold out until you're ready to come out to them ), you don't believe people should be discriminated against based on their orientation because someone's sexual orientation shouldn't matter to anyone else. This give you some sort of escape route if thing start going in a direction that you don't want them to. Don't get too defensive! If you get defensive people will most probably start questioning you.

    It's the first time I'm doing this so I hope I was able to help in some way :slight_smile:
     
  5. Snow

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    I would try to refrain from doing something that I would regret.
     
  6. EWMK

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    Thanks for helping me
    You guys have great advice
    I'm sure to use it
    Thx again
     
  7. Majush93

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    that´s great that you accept yourself :slight_smile:) and yeah, at first I was also scared that people would think I am a lesbian but as I got older I just stop caring you know? :slight_smile: and if you are not ready to tell anyone else then you probably shouldn´t but that´s completely up to you :wink: only you can know when it´s the best time for you :wink: also, don´t feel pressure to come out or something, you can take your time if you want, it´s really nothing bad and it´s your choice :wink:)

    but you don´t have to pretend to agree with homophobic people :wink: I think ACoolUsername has a great point : "I'd suggest presenting the questions that Majush93 mentioned but in the most calm and rational manner possible. That will make it seem like you're just sparking a simple discussion , but if people do start questioning you, just tell them that although you may not be gay/bi/pan etc (just to hold out until you're ready to come out to them ), you don't believe people should be discriminated against based on their orientation because someone's sexual orientation shouldn't matter to anyone else. This give you some sort of escape route if thing start going in a direction that you don't want them to."

    just...choose your own pace with this :wink:) and don´t feel pressured to come out or to say something if someone else has a stupid comment...maybe you will feel comfortable sometimes to actually say you don´t agree with their opinion but there may be also a time when you will choose to stay quiet and that´s completely okay too :wink: you don´t have to feel guilty about it :wink:
     
  8. fragomatrick

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    "I didn't say anything because I didn't know anything to say, just kept quiet. "- That was a wise thing to do.

    You will learn to ignore nonsense with surprising ease in the future!