It's getting the point where I have no idea what is going on inside my head. I am not sure what exactly I am feeling. One moment I feel incredibly feminine and the next not so much. I think about being a woman A LOT and the idea titillates me but I am not entirely uncomfortable with my body as it is. I know if I could snap my fingers and instantly become a woman, I would probably do it. The thought of possibly being a transwoman absolutely terrifies me. I already suffer from a pretty bad anxiety disorder and I couldn't image what it would be like having to deal with all the stigma of transitioning. I don't even know if I would be brave enough to go through with it. The amount of anxiety that's been building because of this feels like it is snowballing and I am about to plunge into some deep hell. Maybe I am just try to cram my gender identity into some unrealistic categorization? I am not sure what to do, or how long it is going to take before I really figure it all out. I just know that it's been pretty tormenting so far. :bang:
Hi Mattie. Your situation sounds a lot like what I'm going through too. It makes me feel so stuck and anxious. I'm such a chicken butt, honestly. I'm a huge pansy about coming out (to like, society and facebook and such). I can't handle being rejected. I just wish I was born male and that was it. Since coming out as gender questioning to people close to me, I've actually felt more pressure to decide whether I want to transition or not. Everyone says I have time, but I still feel pressured for some reason. I wish I knew how to meditate. I need it. Most of my dysphoria is social in nature, so I don't feel a huge discomfort about my body every day, though, like you, I would love to just snap my fingers and become a man to the world. Being in this state of uncertainty is rough on any gender. Good luck to you.
Anxiety definitely makes this stuff tough! But honestly, people overlook the WEIRDEST things. So far I've managed to transition for over a year, medically, without any sort of weird looks or comments from my friends or coworkers. Everything except my voice has failed to pick up any notice from the people around me, and voice stuff isn't a think you have to worry about outing you if you're transfeminine. I think it'd be totally reasonable for you to start transitioning if you want, and not really tell anyone who doesn't need to know. Telling people sucks, so just don't do it. Don't be afraid to be happy. It honestly really really sucks having to deal with anxiety and being trans, but it's doable. You'll find ways to work through the tough parts if you really try. From one suuuuper anxious person to the next, good luck and stay safe.
Thank you <3 It means so much to me to hear from others about this. You both have no idea how much this means to me. I will just do my very best!
