Hello. I'm in a really awkward and upsetting place right now. I recently lost pretty much my entire group of friends when I switched schools and stopped contacting them. They were really mean to me and had virtually no respect for me as a human being, but I was still upset by this. I've known some of them since kindergarten, and it isn't easy to lose people you care about, even if they don't care about you back. Honestly I was a bit heartbroken to let go of them, but they really treated me like garbage. I had spent months watching my only friends cheer on and take into our group someone who was bullying and harrasing me on a daily basis. I don't care about her. She's a stupid jerk and I hate her. I still have a bit of an emotional attachment to my other friends though. Last night I got an email from one of my old friends. It was really, really long. She said that she was really sorry for how she had been treating me this school year. She said that her and another one of my friends were wanting to see me again and they had stopped hanging out with the rest of the group. This apparently stems from a fight they got in with the girl who was picking on me before. The fight was about her borrowing money or something and not paying them back, than saying she made up sor it by driving them everywhere and paying for gas. The girl who wrote me the email always treated me much better than the rest of my friends, but that isn't really saying. She still didn't take me seriously at all when I was being constantly abused and begging her for help. She did try to remedy the situation, but her solution involved me apologizing to the girl who had been physically harming and sexually harrasing me simply because I told my mom on her. The other one who was apparently wanting to meet up with me again was not so nice. She and her family were immigrants from Haiti, and I would say I probably spent more time with her than any of them. She was kind of a mixed bag, because on a whole I think I got some of the worst treatment from her, but at the same time it seemed she legitimately enjoyed my company, so I always enjoyed hanging out with her. Her mom also really liked me because I was so interested in their religion and culture and stuff, so that was nice. I'm kind of in a rough place now because I don't know if I should or can see them again. My mom would certainly be very against it, but I also think that I would like to. I feel that their apology was completely fake though. I don't think they're sorry for how they treated me. I find it interesting too because she specified in her email that she was sorry for the past few moths, but they had treated me like garbage since long before that. I had always been the sacrificial lamb of the group, so to speak. The fact that they are apologizing for the last few months makes me feel like it's just because they happen to be particularly angry at the girl who made that time a living hell for me. I also feel upset by the reason they left our old group of friends. It was all about money. They thought it was freaking hilarious when she savagely beat me and tried to take my clothes off me, but apparently her taking some of their money is too much for them to handle. All of this makes me even more upset because I have a real friend now. She is nice and she cares about me. She makes me feel like I have value as a human being. They never did any of that. At the same time though, I feel it would be wrong of me not to give them another chance. Do you think I should. I know it may seem from this that it would be very negative of me to allow them to continue friendship with me, but you also need to understand that I still really do care about them and for me to turn them away would be more upsetting than I can imagine. Any advice at all is appreciated, and I'm sorry for how long this is.
So if it were me there is no chance in hell that I would give them another chance. I don't think they deserve it, and I think you deserve much more. But if you need to see them again to at least get closure, I get that. Whatever choice you make, do it for you, and not because you think you owe them anything.
This is tough because you are so forgiving. It's possible these two do want to make up with you but as you've noted, in their minds, their awful behaviour is limited to the last few months and not the whole year. Depending on how strong you feel, you could offer to keep in touch via email and then see if they honestly act like proper friends going forward. Or you can be brutally honest with them and say it was a whole year of hell and you aren't ready to forgive them yet but maybe in time. If there's any danger that getting together with them will upset you in any way, I wouldn't do it. You sound like you've found a good friend and it would be perfectly acceptable to say "no thanks" to your previous friends and just continue with this new, nice friend because she sounds 100% better than the others. They need to grow up some more and learn how to be real friends.
I've kinda been throwing a hissy fit in the chit chat forum because this is stressing me out so much, so I think I should just get it over with. I'm going email them back, but I'm definitely gonna need my mom's permission before I can even think of seeing them again. Thank you guys so much for your advice. I'm really sorry, but I miss all of my old friends so much and the thought of having even just 2 of them back is incredible to me. You guys are the best, I'll try to let you know how it went.
I just talked to them oth on skype for like 2 minutes. They were being pretty nice to me. I miss them a lot and I think I'm going to give them another chance. Thanks guys.
