Escort for same-sex experimentation?

Yes. This is what I should have said. I realized well after posting my response that you were asking people who'd *had* a similar experience to chime in. I haven't. I hadn't even thought about it until I read your post, and when I did, the thoughts I posted were what came up... but I own that those are *my* thoughts. The whole figuring-out-what-I-want part of being married and bi is quite a journey, and I'm sure there are as many paths as there are stories.

 

Love the cookie comparison!

 

Well you and I are just going to be friends aren't we... As a married (to a man) bisexual woman (he's always known we just don't always talk about it a lot and it's mostly irrelevant accept when I crush desperately on some actress and he has to talk me down these days) we've got kids and a home and we could use more work too... Hopefully my job situation will settle in a bit soon... These days it seems a lot of my work is coming out more... Uh... Let's call it girly porn... Cause that's what it is. My husband was reading some of it yesterday and I was all what do you think should I send it and he's all uh... New assignment ... The women keep their clothes on and no sex... It's been a long time since I thought seriously about bringing a woman home and I recently had this thing happen and I'm kind of 'weird' about sex... So it's this whole chill out self thing. I'm not one to have sex with anyone I don't love ... That said sex to me has components... One- love, that love you can't think about anyone but them and can't sleep and... You just need that person. Two- trust- you trust each other... You know no ones getting hurt physically and you don't intend any other pain, you've talked about it, you know everyone wants to be there. Three- attraction- i don't know about you but I'm not attracted to very many people, I don't want to sleep with anyone I'm not completely attracted to physically & as a person. That might make me come off as shallow? Maybe but getting to know people intellectually makes them even more Beautiful...it's super not shallow ... Four- from what I know about man/woman sex~ it's a more clear give and take, there is a beginning and end as is defined by biology and there are millions of ways to do things but there are things that likely will happen... And so on... From what I know about woman/woman sex... Same basically accept women are often more sensual and the rolls can either be more chosen or switched up or really there don't have to be rolls at all... Basically is there stuff you like your husband to do? K... That stuff but with a woman & whatever else you'd like but really just the person you love.. You get to know them and what they like and things are what they are. And lastly adrenaline. You know in the movies when that couple slams into the house and breaks a bunch of stuff because they can't think about anything but what they're getting from each other... Sex should be like that... Especially the first time... Because that's what makes it so good... Seriously... Adrenaline...
Would I hire someone~ no... I think it preferable to make friends with someone who's open about sexuality and just have her show you what you might want to know in a fairly clinical manner. As someone who sometimes slams their head against a wall because they're in a relationship with someone that can't always biologically give them what they want... Just because of what I would like for myself in my life... I love him and I'm not going anywhere even if I'm not confident I'm never going to bring home a woman... And we've talked about things and there's technically a compromise but it's not necessarily what I want... But it's a partnership so there's that I don't think you might look back happy that you went about things quite that way... But that's just my feelings about it. And I'm just assuming you're looking for a variety of perspectives good luck ... I hope you can't find a way to get what you want and that things work out... This feeling sucks... Cause today I went shopping instead of the gay bar... And it was me and a couple lesbians... And I was all bang head on wall why can't I attempt to focus on anything but breasts right now... I have no idea where to find girls into that though... I feel for ya

 

I think if you are trying to learn, it might be ok, but to really experience sex, you'd want someone you know/trust, even if it weren't as a relationship.

Me? I want a fwb. Sometimes a lot. Sometimes it's a passing less important thing. But breasts? Yes, please!

 

I must admit I've been tempted to just call for an escort. I've now had two conversations with guys who seemed interested, which turned and ended quite soon, when my age was asked of me (I say 'in my forties' which is true, because when I say 'forty-seven' the look I get is even more horrified). I could of course lie, and say thirty-nine (I would pass for aq thirty-nine year old) or something, but that's not how I live. I suspect that this kind of ageiem - where you think someone looks ok, but upon finding out they are 'old' in mere numbers, reject them outright - is more prevalent among men, than women, so I reckon you stand a pretty good chance of finding a female lover with whom to explore same-sex sex for a night, without having to pay for the prigilege. (In my case, it's looking like a male sex worker is all I will be able to get, which is a pity because there isn't really much genuine affection to be had with a stranger, not the kind that flows from intimacy, anyway. But in time, my curiosity about guys' bodies will overtake my principles.)

 

Cap,

This is an interesting post. I know someone indirectly who met his girlfriend this way, and it is extremely complicated for him but he sometimes sees other women just to talk, so they will do whatever you want, it's your money.

Anyway, I personally think that you would be left feeling meh afterwards, that she is just telling you that you are amazing, or checked out while you "fumble around" or whatever else, and you wouldn't really know if you didn't enjoy it because she was just there to do business and it wasn't emotional or if you were really not gay or if you totally suck at it!

I was terribly nervous my first time loving a woman but my trigger was very patient and kind and actually "took the reins" and made me feel good without concern of my doing anything in return. I still feel nervous but I like to do what feels good to me and it seems to be fine with her so my nervousness is starting to fade. I think had I used an escort I would have been even more confused afterwards. Although I would also be paranoid someone would find out I did that lol!

Just be safe whatever you decide.

 

Damien


I have nearly 10 years on you and I have been propositioned by men twice in the last year and I am pretty average and wasn't looking all that hard. I look younger but don't we all? There are a lot of middle age bi guys out there. The trick is to develop some skills in flirting and practice them. It is really pretty simple. People like to have someone express interest in them. You are over thinking it. Worry about what YOU you can give someone and obsess less about how THEY perceive you. Candidly...you'll get laid for free!

 

I guess one of the things that makes me think this would not work is that lesbian sex is completely different than hetero sex (Yes, a big DUH goes here). Seriously though. There really isn't a true beginning or end, or a specific act involved. It's more of a worshipping of each other's body for lack of a better explanation. And of course, different couple do different things. There is no standard. Also, I think the first time for any sex between two people who don't know each other isn't normally going to be mind blowing because you just don't know each other's bodies and sexual needs yet.

Are you interested in just being the one who's on the receiving end? If not, what do you want to do with an escort? I mean, hands, mouth....how personal are you going to be with someone who does this for a living. Not trying to be indelicate or anything, but it's seriously something to think about.

Please don't think my point here is trying to be negative. It's not, I promise. I just equate it with losing your virginity again (because it is kind of the same thing). A bad, or even mediocre experience can leave a bad taste.

I understand your marriage prevents you from doing this the way it really needs to be done. Maybe in time your husband will change his views. I know one lady at work who's bisexual and her husband supports that, and actually thinks it's hot. However, I couldn't imagine someone that I loved being intimate with someone else. But, maybe his views will change, because something has got to give eventually. And my understanding is that your husband supports this sex with an escort thing? Why? Yes, because it's not personal. You deserve for your first experience to be sensual, erotic, amazing....and those are things that you may not be able to get without a personal connection with your partner.

Your husband may not understand how this won't really satisfy you, because sex is very different for men. And the idea that he will let a stranger touch you leads me to believe he very much wants you to be satisfied, but he fears losing you to a woman.

I could be very wrong, of course. I don't really know you and I don't know anything about your husband. Don't put this on the back burner, though. Eventually, he will have to accept that you NEED this in your life or he will lose you. Either that, or you will live with this suppressed for the remainder of your days and how is that going to make you feel?

I'm sorry if this seems ultra negative. I am one of those people who just says what's on her mind. You are most certainly a smart and intelligent lady who's thought about this extensively. Just my two cents, and I probably would not have posted this, but this thread has continued and I keep thinking about it when I see it.

Good luck, Cap. I really hope you have the experience you want and desire, no matter how it happens.

 

This is the hard part for me: where is the want/need line? It seems to be a moving target. I need sex. That is clear. I need it pretty frequently - my book club was rather shocked when I announced that we didn't watch much tv in favor of having sex (there was wine involved) - but sex with a woman... Need or want?

 

Well, only you can determine that. Physically you can live without sex. I suppose you need oxygen, water, food, etc..., but mentally you have to be well, and so I would say it depends entirely on you. You admit you NEED sex, but will sex with a man for the rest of your life meet that need? Everyone is different, so only you can really answer that question.

I'm not married, so none of that choosing really comes into play with me. However, I had never really thought about it. I had only felt that something was completely missing. I could have satisfactory relationships with men, and even some pretty good sex, but something always seemed to be missing. I really just chalked it up to not having met the right person (which in a sense is true, but....so much more). I suppose ignorance is bliss, because I really never experienced that conflict, but if you are acknowledging that this is something missing in your life, it may very well be a need, and your choices are going to require some serious compromise to keep you marriage going or some heartbreak in walking away from something that doesn't fulfill you.

Sorry for rambling. It happens.

 

I've hired escorts in the past. At one point in my open(ish) relationship with my ex girlfriend, she and I agreed that going the escort route to scratch the itch would be the least threatening option as oppose to me finding random guys to hook up with online. With male escorts, at least, there are places online where you can find reviews and basically confirm that they're real and proven trustworthy by others. I found that to be very helpful in terms of feeling safe.

Frankly, I wouldn't rule doing it again in the future if I were in a situation where I needed to scratch the itch and this were the easiest, sometimes safest option. I really don't see anything wrong with it at all. You just go in knowing that it is exactly what it is - just sex.

 

Hiya Cap. I'll try to keep this short it seems like the previous posters have covered a lot of bases. I think an escort would be better for you than a three-way. Not that I don't think the three-way wouldn't be good. But, you are looking for a certain kind of experience and threesomes are a different kind. If you're in NYC I would think you could find someone to cater to any kink imaginable and what you're seeking sounds pretty vanilla. It's going to be a matter of finding the right person. Just because a female escort is willing to take you on as a client doesn't mean they will be a good fit. I would think if they were willing to talk to you beforehand that would be a good sign. I know the Savagelovecast has had some sex worker guests on a few times. Maybe try to find a couple of those to listen to.