Escort for same-sex experimentation?

Hi cap,

You pose an intriguing question, and it is indeed fraught with all kinds of issues.

I have had the kind of impersonal sex you are seeking, one-night stands, no-strings-attached, etc. (not with an escort though) and yes, it does scratch an itch, if that is all you (and possibly your husband) want, there is nothing wrong with that.

Thing is, I don't quite remember my first same-sex experience, you'd think this would be something one never forgets...and yet, I forgot.

It seems to me, aside from any moralistic opinions, the first time ought to be something that goes a little deeper than just sex.

I am now in my first true same-sex relationship, I can honestly say that the sex is the best I have ever had. It is not just the mechanics, the emotional component has a tremendous influence on the quality of that experience, not to mention all the tenderness, excitement and cuddling that goes before, and after.

Of course, it's about what you want and need, my only point is that you may not learn much about what it's like to be with someone meaningfully from hiring an escort

 

Hi Cap, I've been wondering how you are doing . It's great to see you on here again.

I have similar thoughts to Greatwhale, so I don't have much to add. But I wonder if you can get some of the physical needs met with an escort and the emotional needs met in other ways, meeting women through lesbian/bi meetups for example, and building friendships with someone or some ones whom you feel attracted to.

It's not perfect, but I do think it's worth it to explore the whole experience, even in pieces.

 

I'm a pretty open person and probably about as kinky as they come and I just don't think that would be the kind of lesbian experience that would work for me. I think you'll find that sex with a woman is differnt than sex with a man. When you're having sex with a man it is very much more a mechanical thing. But with lesbians its more of an intimate experience. By doing what you are suggesting you would basically be reducing it to a mechanical feeling. After that kind of experience I would think I was straight too. If that is your goal than more power to you but you'd be missing what really makes a lesbian experience much better than an experience with a man.

Now, I'm certain to be blasted by all men out there.

I'm pretty easy when it comes to sex and I could proably have no problem with a casual encounter but for me if you take away the intimacy and the thrill of the chase you're left with a pretty flat experience. Lesbian sex is SOOOO much better in my opinion but you're taking away those things that make it so much better.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

 

This solution might just be a "for now" solution, and if you are poly inclined, perhaps a lot of reading and talking with your husband about the different types of poly relationships might lead him to being open to it. Then you could have both the meaningful feelings and the sex in one person . There's a lot of ifs in there, but it's possible.

Do you think your husband would be open to something like that in the future?

 

Yes, I think this exactly.

 

Honestly you would have to find a sex worker who is comfortable working with women and that would take a little work on your part. Why don't you start small with a lap dance at a strip club and work your way up from there. Strippers who cater to women will either approach you or you can ask a bouncer. DO NOT WEAR A SKIRT. This is new for you so it is best that you take it one step at a time. I think you under estimate how overwhelming going to a sex worker could be for you. Also, why not check out the swingers scene after the strip club?

Edited to add: generally strippers consider it discourteous of you to wear a skirt because their body parts will be rubbing against your crotch and they generally prefer to have more fabric covering that area. But that's a generality not a rule.

---------- Post added 12th Apr 2016 at 10:08 PM ----------

There are as many unique lesbian sex experiences as there are snow flakes. And to say that the intimate experience is the end all be all of lesbian sex is presenting a false standard as to what the "good parts" or what "good lesbian sex" is. That is, to me, a very disappointing way of presenting it to someone who doesn't have any experience in that area yet.

 

A little birdie tells me that it's easy for gay guys to find sex via hookup apps. Are there similar apps for lesbians? Or is the hookup culture the result of the mechanical nature of gay sex

 

There is some stigma in the lesbian community of being the woman that "straight girls practice on"...but even for straight couples looking for a third it is generally pretty tough compared to the gay male community.

 

Well, I rather thought it was on point, but I'm not the picture of lesbian experience, either. My personal experience is very intimate and emotional...and pretty dang amazing. I am thankful it was with someone I felt such a connection with.

Now as far as trying it just once, I kind of equate that to just eating one potato chip out of the bag. It's possible, but not probable.

 

Well, certainly not going to get blasted by all the men( by the way, are we still doing 'phrasing') but you've got it all backwards. It's sex with a woman that is mechanical and sex with a man that's better. :lol:

Joking aside, I know I had this same thought as I was coming out, and while I was still married. But I'm with you, I think that experimenting with a professional might miss out on key parts of the experience and also very likely not tell you too much about your sexuality. Having sex with a guy I'd just met told me so much less about my sexuality than kissing a guy I liked did.

 

I was thinking about this too, something about making out with a woman is the thing I'm looking forward to more than anything. I want to feel the anticipation, the buildup, the kiss.

Do you think you'd be able to get away with kissing a girl you've started to feel attracted to vs the one time escort idea? Or maybe it's the sex you really want more than anything, and in that case, the kissing limitation might be super frustrating.

 

CyclingFan is spot on. This was my experience as well.

Perhaps you're looking for a FWB?

Having said that, there's still value in hooking up to get comfortable with another woman.

At some level you have to decide if you want a single or homerun first time at bat.

 

Hey Cap! Welcome back! I joined not long before your break and found your posts really resonated with me---helped me feel less alone in my mess.

One thing I remember is that you seemed to have a pretty great imagination... Are you sure you need to have a "less than" experience to know your true desires? I suspect I'd feel less fear about how everything works after an experience like this (which is sort of nuts, because the mechanics of sex with a woman is something I've given a *lot* of thought), but that it would only serve to make my true desires STRONGER.

I also wonder what happens if you imagine a similar experience with a man. If I try to compare sex with my husband (swoon), to sex with a super hot and talented escort... Well... The escort sex still feels lackluster. Sort of like eating a handful of stale packaged cookies, vs one perfect macaron. I've been known to eat stale cookies, but I always regret the empty calories.

 

At the end of the day, putting aside everyones opinions on what they think, there is only one way for you to figure out if it makes sense, and that is to give it a try. Everyone has a different approach to their own circumstances. Your circumstances are unique to you. Only you can figure out if it works for you.

After I came out, I was very promiscuous. It is what I needed to do to figure things out for myself. Did others criticize me, of course. Does it matter, absolutely not. I was on the journey I was on and, with all the various directions I went, I have gotten to a great place. I look back and am proud of what I have accomplished and how I accomplished it.

Take the road that works for you. You know whats best for yourself.

---------- Post added 13th Apr 2016 at 02:36 PM ----------

...oh, and obviously, be safe and diligent - but that goes without saying.