So anxious I can barely type...

That is awesome I really hope it all works out for the two of you. :icon_bigg

Thanks for being willing to answer my stupid questions. I don't have too many personal boundries so sometimes its hard for me to know what is appropriate to ask and what's not. Sometimes I shock my friends with my personal questions and my wife hits me in the arm as she gives me an evil look.

 

Wow. That sounded like a hard and wrenching conversation but that ending was amazing. Really happy for you, that was a hard and impressive thing to do. Hoping all the best in the future now for you :icon_bigg

 

(*hug*)

 

I'm glad it ended on a positive note, you were so brave. (*hug*)

 

So happy for you, darlin!

Hang in there.

 

Congratulations Emma, well the live is not perfect but it could be worse. You're so brave...
I think when the moment of coming out comes to me i will be so nervous (yeah like you haha).

This make my day, i'm glad that you wife is comprehensive.

 

Well done, Emma! (*hug*) I'm glad your wife was able to be so accepting. Keep us posted!

 

That was an amazing reaction. Do you think your wife might be a bit bisexual?

 

Emma! Congratulations on coming out. Seriously, it's such a big big thing. I hope things continue to work out with your wife. One step at a time, we're all here rooting for you (*hug*)

 

So you do realize that what she is saying is not true, right? I mean about being selfish. You're not being selfish. And children accept changes of gender identity a lot more readily than adults do.

In any case, obviously this is a shock to her and it is going to take time. It is interesting to me that you kind of brushed off the idea of identifying as a lesbian with the thought that, oh we will still be having penis in vagina sex so that's not a big deal. Sexuality is about SO MUCH MORE than two genitals getting together. Have you thought about what your sexuality is? Has your wife ever give thought to hers? Would she feel comfortable living as a lesbian? Living as a lesbian is HARD and isn't an identity that comes very easily to take on. So is being trans or non binary. You guys have a lot to think about.

 

Just give her more time to adjust and make clear/hold firm that this is not PTSD or weight issues.

You are not being selfish. And even if you waited till the kids were grown, I have a feeling she would find it selfish or say as such. The argument would be that it is better to do it now, while they are still young enough to adjust to the changes with some ease. Tell her you are not saying no to her and the kids. You are the still the same you but with a new casing, and that you will always be there for the family. You are not abandoning them and you are not being selfish.

The fact is is that you have put it out there, you have told her that you are a woman. Even if you were to back down and decide to just do as she says, she'll always have that on her mind. The same with you. You'll always have on your mind that you are a woman and that by not transitioning as you had hope to do you are just living a lie. I can't say that living the truth will end happily but I can say living the lie sure as hell will be worse than the truth.

Sorry that I don't have great advice to give but I'm hoping for the best for you and your family.

Also, as person above said, a penis and a vagina does not always = a hetero relationship.
You are a woman with a woman and that usually means a lesbian relationship. I wouldn't exactly being that up to your wife just yet though. One difficult thing to process at a time is best.

 

I haven't been your situation before, Emma, but you are not being selfish at all. Being trans and coming out, accessing the resources you need/want shouldn't be a privilege or some kind of extra favour to beg for, it is very much a basic thing for trans people. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. There isn't an exchange here, no "family versus transition." It isn't an ultimatum. You can have both. You deserve both. This in no way means you are putting your family in the backseat. In fact, coming out to your wife and family about this will hopefully only help you be more comfortably and happily you with them in the long term. There are definitely ways you can balance the practicalities of all this. It might not be smooth sailing all the way, but it doesn't mean it isn't worth fighting for, because it absolutely is.

You told her the truth, and that's a very brave thing to do. It is very likely she needs time to come to terms with this. She might be cycling through a lot of different emotions right now and throwing them at you, but stand by yourself; there isn't any other factor, this isn't like a cis person wanting to lose weight or work out to look fitter, it is you being a woman and that is who you are.

Maybe you can look into a specific gender therapist or a trans support center you can access that isn't too far from home, where you and your wife can not only work through her coming to terms with this, but perhaps also the practical side of transitioning, including costs and everything. There might be online resources for this too, not only for your transition, taking your family into consideration, but also resources for family members of trans people you can give to her when she's feeling more up to looking into things like that.

I hope things work out.

 

Caring for yourself and nurturing your happiness does not in any way equal being selfish.

You said you'd start couple's counseling, right? That sounds like a good idea.
You seem like one helluva strong chick to me, Emma. I can't take harsh words like that and would probably have filed a divorce already.
One thing I can say though, is that you don't have to sit and take every harsh word she throws at you. You're two people in a relationship, and respect is the bare minimum in a relationship, I think. In my opinion, she's out of line saying such horrible things to you. Maybe you could let her know that you understand that she's feeling confused and upset at the moment, but that her comments are hurtful, and that you're open (if you are - it sounds to me like you are) about discussing the matter, but that she can't say such awful things to you.

 

Hey! As a fun thing for you, here's a bowtie manifesto for you, Emma. A rant about how bowties are cooler than ties.

[YOUTUBE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92YP_he4ugk[/YOUTUBE]

 

I am new to these forums but I've been following your updates since I joined. I just want to say how incredibly brave you are! Keep kicking ass, Emma. Be proud of the woman that you are Things will sort themselves out and I truly hope your wife begins to accept this and understand. Best to you! <3

 

My pleasure.