I was at work yesterday, and a customer started randomly talking to me about a gay friend of hers who gets drunk with men and takes them to bed. There was nothing that prompted this conversation - she started off asking me about a certain type of food, and I was telling her that we didn't sell the particular product she was looking for and suggested another shop she might be able to find it, and then she just brought up this unrelated piece of information about her friend having sex with men. I didn't engage with her on the subject, I just said "oh" and nodded. Then as she left the shop, I got the impression that she was trying to figure me out. Like she thought she'd just mention this gay friend of hers to see how I would react to it and confirm my own sexuality to her. I found this disrespectful. I don't talk about my sex life or any of my personal affairs with customers, that's not what I'm there for. I'm there to sell groceries and conveniences, that's all. Would you ever go into a shop and randomly start talking about sex stories with a shopkeeper? If this customer ever brings up the subject again, I'll have to put her in her place and tell her not to talk to me about such things again. There is a time and place that I talk about sexual matters, and it's not at work, and there are people I feel comfortable discussing it with, and they are not my customers. So do you ever get the impression that somebody is trying to figure you out?
I get this all the time now. Like people are saying something just to see how I react and if it will prompt me to confirm or start discussing my sexuality. I don't really take it personally though, people are just being nosey (I can't really say anything as I'm pretty nosey myself!) Sometimes I just play dumb and say something to keep them guessing In a way I'm kind of glad when people suspect as it makes telling them easier/less of a surprise. But of course you shouldn't feel bullied or pressured into telling anyone anything you are not comfortable with. You have to do it if/when you are ready and not before.
Maybe she's gay and trying to connect with you. Just saying. Sometimes housewives feeling trapped in a marriage will try and connect with anyone they feel is gay to just be able to open up with someone. You may be the only gay person she knows of. Not that I can put myself in her shoes when I was a straight housewife. Just saying.....
I had a good friend and co-worker who at the end of the work day when we were the last ones in the office just come right and ask " Are you gay?" Wow she saw right through me, I was speechless. Maybe she was trying to reach out to me and help? In any case it kind of pushed me a little.
I told her everything by saying nothing. I froze, probably blushed a brilliant red then awkwardly redirected the conversation. We've never spoken about it and she's since moved away. She would be totally supportive and I hope to reconnect with her. It was an important moment for me so if it was inappropriate of her I really don't care.
lol... maybe. But, if I were trying to set someone up with a friend, I wouldn't lead with talking about my friend's sex life! I can't imagine any good reason to bring up a friend's sex life with someone working in a shop, unless it's an adult toy shop...and I'm way out on a limb (or out of of ideas) for a birthday gift.
Exactly - it's that presumptuousness that offends me. Even if she does have an idea that I'm gay, that does not mean that I'm interested in hearing about her friend's sex life. It's a convenience store - we have kids shopping there to buy sweets and sticker albums. so I certainly don't want the reputation of being the shopkeeper who casually chats about gay sex with customers. I don't go to the supermarket and start chatting to the cashier about my or anybody else's sex life, so this stupid twat should use some common sense.
When I started my job a few years ago I had 2 coworkers point-blank ask me this as well. Before I was out, I had a lot of friends and family members beat around the bush about this topic with me, so there were definitely times people were trying to figure me out.
Unfortunately, I have a lot of women who do try to figure me out due to the fact that although I am very polite and cordial while in their company, however, I do not take it any further. In other words, I do not make advances towards them which makes them wonder what is my story? Recently, there were these women who work in the Deli Dept. at one of the local grocery stores who have made it their mission to try to figure me out. One of the issues that seem to have with me is that I am always dressed nice even casual and I always smell good. For some reason, women tend to think when guys have good hygiene qualities that more than likely, they are gay. Years ago, after moving back to the city and in between jobs, a friend of mine was a manager for a temporary agency and had this position that she needed filled immediately working for a mortgage banking company and it was a strong possibility that it could go permanent. Anyway, she convinced me to take this position in order for her to make her quota for the month. The position consists of reviewing legal mortgage documents and updating deeds and loan documents via computer. What she failed to tell me is that the department was employed by nothing but women. I had decided that I would go in and just focus on my work and nothing else. Unfortunately, there were a group of women who began to try to figure me out due to the reasons listed above. There were a small group of Caucasian women who had heard the women gossiping about me and they wanted to befriend me. I was very reluctant at first, but they were pretty persistent and I figured if I just went to one luncheon with them, then it will be over and I could move on. Nonetheless, these women really enjoyed my company and wanted to be around me all the time. In fact, they even made up a nickname, calling themselves "Jonnie's Angels"..haha..which really pissed the other women off to no end. This also made them accuse me of liking only white women where as first, they had accused me of being gay because I did not make any sexual advances towards them. Things got really bad when these two women in particular had decided to tell their boyfriends/husbands that I came on to them in order for them to kick my ass. I started being threatened by them on a daily basis. In the midst of all of this, I was called to the President's office where I was complimented on my work ethics and offered a permanent position. Unknown to them, a day before their offer, I was offered another position of a higher caliber which I decided to accept after all of that drama.
I was a United Methodist pastor for 14 years and I assure you folks in church are just dying to know on what side your bread is buttered (so to speak) and what always got me was that they would never just ask but they would ask other people in the congregation "You think pastor Tom is gay? To the credit of my smart and trusted parishioners who would tell me they would tell them "why don't you ask him?" Church folk are curious and sometimes downright nosy but I always took such curiosity with grace and humor. I've always told church folks my motto is, "If you keep them guessing, you'll be a blessing."
The only time this happened to me was when my mom asked me "Do you think about women?" I can't remember what I said in reply, but it was probably something like "I'm too busy," a technically true misdirection that she hasn't questioned since.
I was sitting together with my project group mates in a class one time watching a video. One scene came up and a male friend said, "That guy is so gay." Instinctively, I replied, "Does he?". Then he looked at me in a way that seemed to suggest, "Well you would know, wouldn't you?" At that time, I wasn't out to anyone. It was a little offensive but also shocking to me. People are always looking at other people and judging who/what they are.
I make sure people question all kinds of things about me. As I like to keep everyone on their toes. I might crack an ice breaking joke, or say something that will offend at least a few people in the group. No one has directly asked me if I am anything other than straight. Usually any sex talk is with people who are my friends and it is usually of the heterosexual kind.
This happens fairly often to me ... most recently my (gay) dentist of all people. Like you, I find it somewhat offensive and give vague answers and then redirect the conversation to something else.
