So I've moved out of the house to give us some both space. I'm staying with a friends parents for a couple of weeks who have been amazing to take me, whilst things are so up in the air. I'm admitting to myself reasonably comfortably that I'm gay and I've always known, despite that voice in my head saying 'no your not'. The question is where I go from here. I've actually arranged to meet a guy on Friday for a coffee, he's gay and we were chatting online. So that's a start. We are moving forward and having someone look at the house to sell and I'm looking for somewhere to live. Not quite sure how finances are going to work out but we'll just have to see about that. My ex (difficult to write that) is talking about moving away though as she needs to start again and be with her family. Only about 1.5 hours away so I'll be able to see the wee one a night a week and at weekends. Don't know how my parents will cope with this though, they are still not speaking to me about the wedding cancellation - albeit in the end I didn't make that decision I just gave my fiancée the information about where I was at and we simply couldn't go through with it. I went to the doctors and told him that I was pretty sure I was gay, and on the way out he told me 'well done' as I think he could see how much I have been suffering. All a bit of a whirlwind at the moment and my head is spinning but at least we are moving forward. It was a strange wrench to leave the house yesterday - it's not as if we are arguing I think she actually is in some way supportive because she knows how much I've been suffering these last few months. Her family are, as much as they can be, supportive. I got a nice text from her sister hoping to see me soon and her dad was really calm and understanding when we met and I talked him through how I'd been struggling all the years. Still not quite clear of the future and a rough road ahead but at least I am taking steps. Little by little.
Your making some bold moves which no doubt fill you with anxiousness and doubt. Keep your eyes looking down the road, your well on your way to finding yourself. Stay positive!
Congratulations on having the nerve to get this right. And even though the future isn't clear, that's good in comparison to what might have otherwise been a very clear future of keeping yourself in the closet. That's what I've done & now on the other side I'm worried about an unclear future myself - so it doesn't change, it's just delayed.