Hi everyone, I would appreciate your personal opinion, preference, and experience on this question because your answers will probably help me make a decision. Over the past few days, I have been going back and forth with whether I should do more of a public coming out or something more low-key. I'll explain below. I have a blog and only one of my friends knows about it (she knows I'm gay). So, a few days ago I came up with the idea of when I come out fully (which would be in the summer), I post it on my blog and then link it to Facebook. The point of the post is not just for me to say "I'm gay." It more has the purpose of "This does not define me." I already wrote the post and I really like it. One pro to this is I will not have to be questioned in the future about "girlfriends" and then have to tell people, "I'm gay." It would kind of get rid of any confusion. Then again, I'm thinking it isn't a good idea. Another part of me says, "I'm obviously not close to all of my 500+ Facebook friends. Do they really need to know my business?" Most of them will find out anyway, but is it something I want to tell everyone blatantly? Also, by making it this big "announcement," am I making it a big deal... when really we should be promoting that being LGBTQ+ shouldn't be seen as weird or need a big announcement? I know I am the only person who can decide what is right. However, I would just like to hear what you all think and how you approached this. I know this post is all over the place. Thanks in advance for replies!
Given that coming out is a pretty big decision, how you approach it is entirely up to you. If you'd rather not display it to all on Facebook, you could set a privacy filter on the post or send a message to those you feel deserve to know. Whatever you choose to do I hope it goes well
I can understand both sides. Personally, I operate on a "if you ask, you know" or people hear by word of mouth. You could send out an email, instagram a sign, etc.--the options are limitless-- but do what you want. Be cautious, though, once you take a step out it's hard to go back in, both because of the freedom you have a taste of and the possible consequences. But best of luck!
Besides telling my parents I've never actually told anyone I'm gay over the last 20 years. But everyone knows. I've pretty much done it like you said about not making a big deal about it. I just introduce my wife as my wife. People talk, they tell others. It spreads. My first family gathering after getting a girlfriend I simply said, "I'm bringing a girlfriend to dinner please put another hamburger on the grill". Grandma wasn't stupid and probably threatened everybody with bodily harm if they were mean to us. I act and live my life like there is no difference. I was married to a man and now I'm married to a women if you have a problem with that just keep it to yourself. There was a period of two years where I didn't talk to my Dad. He had a problem with it. But then he figured out if he ever wanted to have a relationship with his daughter he better treat me and Ruth like normal. That's all we asked for...to be treated like I was treated when I was married to a man. At least one of the good things about being married to a guy was that I had the experience of what everyone would treat me like as normal. Any family members who couldn't pull that off are no longer apart of my life. So tell people if you want or just don't hide it and let the word spread. What ever makes you comfortable.
It really depends on where you live and what you're comfortable with. I live in a very tolerant city and virtually all of my friends and coworkers are accepting of my sexuality. For that reason I'm fully out. I did Facebook post last year and got everybody in on it and explained my struggles with coming to terms with my sexuality and coming out. The response was 100% positive and I'm do glad I did it. Even though I was out to a lot of people before, there's no looking over my shoulder, no wondering who knows and who doesn't. I'm very fortunate to have this luxury and I feel soooo much more comfortable in my own skin. Since doing this many people have noticed how much more relaxed I am. When you're not living some sort of pretense of being someone you're not, you're able to have peace of mind.
I think if you are concerned about acquaintances vs friends and close friends knowing, then make it a post directed at a few people (you can create a filter on FB) with a message accompanying it, that you are sharing the post to only a few on your FB and then maybe you will open it up when you feel you want to. Coming Out may be something you do more than once in life - job changes, etc - so it is up to you how much you want it to be a defining aspect of who you are, or if you want it to play it down as something that is what it is, no big deal. Like eye colour, or favourite ice cream flavour - which I'm guessing is what you meant when you said that you were unsure about it needing such a big announcement. I'm thinking a Coming Out post has a lot more to do about how you feel, and how comfortable you are feeling in your skin - and that you want to share it vs. it being a big announcement. You'll have friends that will celebrate that confidence and appreciate you not only trusting them enough to share but also that you hold your relationship with them closely.
