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Genderqueer or Genderneutral?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Foxfeather, Apr 4, 2016.

  1. Foxfeather

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    What am I in terms of gender identity? I'm not sure if I'm lesbian/bi right now, but . . .

    I want:
    -To not have breasts (because I hate bras and I hate excess fat/skin)
    -To have a penis (for sexual purposes; otherwise, I don't really want excess fat/skin down there)
    -To have a smaller butt (feel it's too big for my body)
    -To have more muscles
    -To be on top in bed(not necessarily a gender thing)
    -Something soft to cuddle

    I don't want:
    -Facial hair
    -Bodily hair
    -A man's voice necessarily, my voice is feminine but rich and deep. Like dark chocolate. I love it
    -I'm not sure if I want the penis in general for anything other than sex. I mean, it's just excess skin that gets in the way otherwise, and I don't feel the need to look in the mirror and see a penis, I really, really wish I could have penetrative sex with a woman using what's naturally down there, but I'm born a woman.
    -The ability to give birth. I don't see myself giving birth. That's my greatest bit of gender dysmorphia.
    -To be called "sir" but I also dislike the word "Mrs." and don't look forward to being called Mrs. unless I'm married to a woman.

    I'm not sure:
    -If I wish I had the ability to impregnate a woman and make children with her
    -If I wish to be called "father" if I had children
     
  2. darkcomesoon

    Full Member

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    Most of your issues with your body seem to stem from not wanting excess fat/skin, which doesn't actually sound like dysphoria. I would suggest talking to a therapist (if that's a possibility) about your body image issues. It is possible that you could find out that you do have dysphoria, but it's also possible you could find out that the feelings really are just issues with body image and not wanting to be fat.

    To me, it sounds like you're a masculine cis woman (you've written "tomboy!" as your gender right now, and that sounds like an excellent descriptor). It's worth looking into how you feel about your body to see if there is dysphoria causing those issues or not, but you don't show any signs of discomfort with your gender that go beyond what is standard for masculine women. A lot of women don't want to be called "mrs." or to give birth.
     
  3. TomboyGoth

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    I have also been thinking about my gender identity lately. And a lot of your list resonates with me. I'm having "mild dysphoria" about my breasts and periods. I don't know if i can call it dysphoria, because it is so mild, but let's just say that i'm not in tune with those parts of my body.

    I have come to a conclusion that i am not trans. I don't wish to be a man. I can't imagine myself as a man. I am however extremely masculine woman. I feel like i am somewhere between. Or of the chart. I don't know yet how to label my gender identity in the end but i don't really feel like i am a woman. And i don't want to give birth either.

    For the simplicity i'm just going with a female, because that is what i am biologically. And since i don't feel like i was a man either so it doesn't matter so much.

    I fortunately have relatively small breasts and i just try to find sports bras and i use boxer briefs also so i can get sort of a masculine feeling about my underwear. I walk like a man and have short hair. That makes me feel good and it is natural to me.

    You should try to find clothes that make you feel good. You can also try to picture yourself as a man, see if that works out for you. And you know, you can have penetrative sex with a woman, there are toys for that. So if you don't want a penis for anything else than that then it is an easy solution. Also even as a woman you are able to get some muscles (and lose some excessive fat) by lifting weights.

    I have read about some butches who get a top surgery because they have a problem with their breasts. And they don't want to be a man, just have a problem with some part of their body.

    It just takes some time to find yourself because society is pretty good at forcing us to the certain gender mold starting from our birth (pink for girls, blue for boys). Just take it slow and try to do things and wear clothes that make you happy.
     
  4. Foxfeather

    Regular Member

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    I think I just would like to be a man so I can feel a woman firsthand with what's between my legs. I don't want to have to depend on toy for that. It just feels odd to be whipping out a strap on from my purse and tying it on myself. But maybe I'll come to love that, too, and get used to it over time.

    I do have some issues with body dysmorphia in that I don't always feel beautiful (like a lot of girls do!). I'm actually on the fit/skinny end, and most of the issues are with individual features on my face and body, and whether another woman will find my attractive. I was fine with my body before but when I look at men, I don't necessarily want to be muscular like them, but I want a woman to look at me with the love they usually look at men with.

    I guess the real issue actually stems deeper than my skin, now that I think about it. I just want to be seen as beautiful and for the wonderful person that I really am, but it can be hard when as little as 1% of the population may be available for dating.

    Though I don't see why. Girls are HOT.
     
  5. TomboyGoth

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    Haha, no, you don't want to whip it out from your purse. You could just wear it under your pants before sexy times and then it would be more normal.

    Somebody is bound to find you attractive at some point. Just take care of yourself, wear clean clothes that don't have unnecessary holes in them and smell nice. And try to feel good in your own skin. Those things have more to do with attractiveness than the actually looks, because nobody wants a smelly person who wears rags even if their face looks good.

    It seems to me that you are having a lot of insecurities. If you could just get rid of them i'm sure you would find someone. And even if you didn't it wouldn't be so bad because you would get along by yourself also. 1 % of worlds population is still quite much. Besides, if you would be straight you wouldn't go for every man there is anyway. It doesn't matter so much especially now when we have internet dating also. And in the end you only need one. :slight_smile: