can one's sexuality change?

Sexuality can change. It can also vary - I know I've heard some bi people say before that they have some phases where they're more into guys or phases where they're more into girls. Also, puberty/adolescence is probably a time when sexuality is more likely to be fluctuating or changeable.

 

I agree with starinkbright. Sexuality is fluid, it can change, as well as gender. When I was little I never thought about being with another girl, but look who I am now! ^^

 

That's really not uncommon.
I once thought that I was bi, then I thought I was pan, now I'm sure that I'm a lesbian, but who knows what the future will bring?

 

I think it can, and I think our perception and understanding on our feelings can change. And that you should just be with who you want and not feel pressured to be with a gender or include that in your sexuality if you don't want to. If you don't want to be with guys you don't have to be. If you feel like you only want to be with girls you can definitely use the words lesbian or gay for yourself. But I would like to emphasize that you don't need to settle on anything, especially right now. It's okay to not be sure and just let things play out, and it's okay to choose a different word to describe yourself, labels aren't set in stone or anything. And you have years and years to figure things out if that's what you want to do.

And so many people - including me - relate to this situation, too. I used to like guys when I was younger but when I got a bit older realised that it was mostly due to the effect of being told I was supposed to all of the time and that it would make me happy. And when I started realising I liked girls I stopped being interested in guys too.
Everyone goes through different experiences and conclusions from being interested in different genders at different times, but I was just telling you this so you know that a lot of other people understand how that feels and there's nothing wrong with it. And that it's okay to change your mind after this too. Best of luck.

 

I very much relate to this... but I didn't have any true sexual feelings till I was 13 and I've come to this sudden feeling that I only want girls at almost 18. I mean, I had baby crushes before 13 but they're not sexual, so its not to do with your sexuality. They barely count. 13-14 is really when these things start happening. So your sexuality is not really evolving its just surfacing... though I feel like it can definitely keep changing in this period as I have experienced.

 

I didn't have any real sexual feelings until I was 16 or 17. Before that, I identified as bi-/pansexual because that was what made most sense in my eyes. I wanted to have sex before (with men and women), but only because I wanted to finally have the experience, wanted to know what it feels like, wanted to feel 'mature'... It really wasn't until I was 16 or 17 that I suddenly felt the strong desire to have sex with a woman, and that was when I realized what wanting to have sex actually meant. I didn't want sex with anyone before that, I just thought I did.

 

Fuuuuck... maybe that's the case with me too. I mean, I wanted sex and I imagined having it with guys and such but... it wasn't until last year where I felt actual desire for a person... a girl. Then it happened for another girl. And even having moved on from that crush... I feel like I actually actively WANT sex with a woman. Like there's active desire rather than just wanting sex generally cos I'm a horny teenager... yeah when I say I developed sexual feelings at 13 I mean more that teenage horniness. I never feel that desire about guys when I imagine it and never have. But I've been going to an all-girls school since 2014 September so I couldn't compare in real life. I accepted being bi last year because I realised feelings for girls but occasionally recently the intensity of these feelings feel like they overshadow anything else that made me think I was straight and I have moments of wondering if I'm a lesbian. I pretty much act like I am. This post really stirred that up. Er... sorry for hijacking the thread with my feelings. I guess it shows how attractions can revel themselves as I said haha.

 

You are so young. You are just starting out in life. It's going to change a million times and that's ok. Try not to feel the need to label yourself. Just have fun and date whom ever you want. Eventually you will find out what you are looking for and when you do you'll know it. Just have fun being a kid and exploring.

 

Yes. Things happen in life, you change. For instance, your language. Of course, your feelings might change too. And they will. Maybe slightly, maybe a lot. But I believe they change.

 

My view is that sexuality can change... in a way. I neither believe it to be 100% fluid or 100% fixed. For example, when I was little I had crushes on both boys and girls (mostly boys), but when I got older and was socialized into a male gender role more, I was supposed to be "straight", of course. And so I mostly was. Society, our environment, is extremely effective in shaping every part of us, including sexuality - however, my feelings for men didn't disappear; I just didn't quite 'have access' to them at the moment, so to say. But now I do, and I'm fairly sure that I prefer guys. But even so, my feelings do change sometimes; I may be attracted to women every now and then, too, while sometimes I'm not really attracted to women at all. It changes. Flows, if you will. This can be circumstantial for people - I don't think that the idea that when things get hot and heavy gender doesn't matter is completely wrong, for example.
I do believe there are completely straight people and 'gold star gay' people whose sexualities are the same from birth and never change; I also, obviously, believe in the less 'extreme' cases of gay people who, when coming to terms with who they are, never have any opposite-sex attractions again, or only very weak/negligible such attractions.

The fluidity of one's sexuality depends on the person, in my opinion.

 

Scientific research says that sexuality could be more fluid than it was thought to be. I see people everywhere go on about how sexuality can be fluid for everyone. This however isnt very true. Sexual orientation is fixed in the sense that it's very less likely for a gay guy to become straight or vice versa. Bisexuality is the one which shows fluidity. It's not uncommon for bisexuals to migrate to an fro from Kinsey 1 to Kinsey 5 . furthermore studies have found that , sexual orientation is more fluid for women than men. For men, apparently it's set in stone by 15 or so. But women experience fluidity throughout their life.
Another factor complicating sexual orientation fluidity debate is the pre pubertal perceived sexuality. What people often fail to understand is that, yes even though some gay guys had pre pubertal crushes on other guys , for most people at that age it's mostly based on what you have internalized from the society. You know the general principal of girls are for guys n vice versa. So a lot of gay people have crushes on the opposite gender and later after puberty have crushes only on the same gender and they end up calling themselves bisexual or claim that their sexual orientation has changed. Which for the aforementioned reasons isnt very accurate! So in a nutshell bisexuality is fluid (not that it can't be static) . homosexuality and heterosexuality are less likely to have a fluid nature and once they do get fluid (if it happens) they immediately get classified under bisexuality anyway. But at the end of the day these are labels that just aid you to understand yourself and make others understand you. Love whoever you are attracted to and don't bother about anything else!

 

In my opinion I think it takes time to sort it all out. How you view your own sexuality could change in that sense. Personally, I am still figuring everything out. My view on my own sexuality has changed a lot.

Growing up I assumed I was 100% straight and I liked guys and thought they were cute, wanted a boyfriend, etc. I never thought about sex with women or being with women, all I remember is in high school I thought I would not mind kissing a woman. I did think some girls were pretty, and I was just kind of intrigued by them but nothing more. Then later on as I started noticing my feelings for women did not disappear I started questioning and the more I explored these feelings the stronger they got. My feelings for women has grown a lot, to a level I never would have thought when I was younger and my feelings for men have decreased a lot.

I am still trying to figure things out, I am not sure what my feelings mean, but to answer your question; from my experience, Yes, I think your view on your own sexuality can change as you are growing, learning and discovering more about yourself.

 

The claim of sexual fluidity for women is from a study by Meredith chivers and the book written by Lisa diamond. I've not done much of a scientific dissection of the research methods they used. Here is a link to an article that states that-
https://makeitbetter.net/better-you/sexual-fluidity-another-dimension-to-womens-sexuality/
About the age. Again I didn't consider too much about the research method used. But this is the article I read- https://robertlindsay.wordpress.com...-sexual-orientation-is-apparently-changeable/
Furthermore, there are studies which state quiet the contrary so you really can't tell. But these studies kinda made sense to me.
The problem is studies which talk about fluidity speak about stuff like, ritualistic homosexual practices in new guinea and West Europe as evidence of homosexual feelings in straight men. Which I think isnt a very accurate interpretation.
More over, there is a section of people who choose to be lgbt apparently!? Coz they are fed up of the opposite sex, or have been tortured by the same, more frequently among women- that is "chose to be lesbian", hence some researchers have taken these people into consideration and made claims about fluidity, again not accurate!
The other aspect is including acts of experimentation as acts arising from ones sexual orientation. Many straight people in teenage years are curious about sex , specially in societies which restrict ones sexuality. This ends up as same sex acts in order to release this high levels of sexual energy that adolescence brings with it, what could be more confusing is that, these acts could be pleasurable, but does this mean that these people are gay? No. But this is also included as signs of fluidity in many studies.
So yes a lot of confusion exists around sexual orientation and it's fluidity because a lot of factors influence one's perception of their sexual orientation.
So as I said earlier , I think bisexuality can be fluid but heterosexuality and homosexuality aren't, or people who are gay or straight are less likely to suddenly shift over to bisexuality or other sexual orientations. If it does happen, I guess it's just late recognition or acceptance of those feelings indicating bisexuality in these two groups. Even this i feel is more applicable to straight people because of the taboo around homosexual feelings. There also exists the general rejection of bisexuality by society which puts some gay men in the bisexual closet.
Another thing is how society amplifies the plasticity of the brain and based on which they make claims about sexual orientation change. It's not as plastic or as easily moldable as society thinks! Yes it's relatively easy in the first 5 years of life but even during that period there is only so much that can be done!
So yes it's not clear at all. But making statements like sexual orientation is fluid for everyone is erroneous. This is what I feel.

 

I'm sorry to bring bad stuff in here, but does anyone else notice an element or hypocrisy on this?

When discussing hypotheticals among ourselves, we claim that sexuality is fluid and can change over time.

However, when responding to some bigot who insists that being gay is a learned behavior, a choice, etc. and can in fact change (indeed, must change) our response is "No, sexuality cannot change, it's an inherent aspect of someone's identity."

Anybody else see a disconnect between these two statements?

 

Yes you are absolutely right! But the common comeback by the pro fluidity lgbtq+ members is that 'ones sexuality can be fluid but it can never be changed voluntarily or through intervention, it has to happen by itself!' That's why I keep stressing on the fact that fluidity is within the bisexual spectrum. And also fluidity isn't being gay today and straight tomorrow. It's more complex than that. As explained by someone in another thread. Sexual orientation for some people can be like an area in a graph as opposed to a single point and they can move within their area in the graph based on the overall situation. But this movement is not voluntary .

 

Yeah, I always see fluidity as part of the bisexual spectrum. You have a slot on the Kinsey scale and you move around within it. Your slot might be from 2-5. So no matter how much therapy you get you're never gonna be a 0 or 1.

 

Yes, of course. I used to like girls, I like my best friend and a few other girls, but they moved away after elementary school, then my feelings for guys just grew more after that, anything can change, even feelings.

---------- Post added 4th Apr 2016 at 07:44 AM ----------

Ugh, there's a HUGE difference between saying it's a "choice" or "learned" then just simply experiences in your life that gradually change you, it's not hypocritical... at least for me, for some it probably is a choice for them, like for example gay for pay, they choose to have sex for money and think being gay is just a choice to fuck the same gender, with no feelings at all, I like to call these people, the heartless...:tantrum: