Okay. So I am posting this like it is a coming out story on the sub thread, but I am asking for advice (I didn't know where to post it so sorry) Here is some background information about my best friend (the one I came out to) -Female -generally pretty accepting of people -On a scale of 1-10, the number that would best represent how much she knows about LGBT is probably like 0.5 (She doesn't know what bisexual even means, so that makes it a lot harder) -Probably has NEVER suspected I like girls Okay so here's what happened. Location: Girls bathroom at school, around the corner so no one can see us because we're supposed to be in study hall Moment before: She said she needed to go to the bathroom, and I said I would come, too, because there's something I needed to tell her anyway "Okay, now tell me what's up. I actually didn't have to use the bathroom, you've just been fidgety all day and I need to know what's up" "Well... Um..." "Come on, it can't be that bad. Just spit it out. Rip off the band-aid." -Pause because a teacher walks by, but she passes- "Well... I might not only like guys." :bang: "What?" "Are you really going to make me say it again?" -We talk about it for about two more minutes, and she is just confused - either in denial or she just has no clue what's going on with me- Fast-forward to passing notes five minutes later during study hall Are you sure you're... You know...? No, that's the whole point. I'm not (Not is underlined) sure and I want you to help me and support me while I figure this out. If you can't do that, you need to tell me. (Me again) People can say pretty nasty things about gay and bisexual people (Those are the only two sexual orientations she knows about) Like what? The one I've heard most is that "Gay is a disorder" and "Gays will go to hell". (Here comes the big line) Well, maybe it is a disorder What makes you say that? Well, being gay isn't normal. It could be a disorder. Maybe you need to go to a doctor. I don't know. I go to [Insert school name here], not medical school. We dropped the subject after that. -A week later at lunch- "So... Remember what you said exactly one week ago to me?" "Yeah. What about it?" "Are you still... You know...?" (Lie alert) "No. I was confused." (Truth alert) "But what you said was still just as hurtful - you can't say stuff like that. And even if I hadn't been confused, you still would have been my friend, right?" -shrug- Okay so... She is literally my closest friend, and since that day at the lunch table we have been much, much closer. She just hasn't come off as the type of friend that would ditch me - for any reason. So is she homophobic or just confused? I am hoping desperately for the 2nd answer, but I'm here for truth. What should I do? Is she homophobic, confused, or neither?
She seems... misinformed. Like it's 2016, you'd think most people by now would have some knowledge about the lgbtqi community (just a generalization). I think you just need to be truthful and willing to... 'educate' her on this topic; help her understand and be patient. If she's still pretty negative about the whole thing and becomes increasingly hostile then it's possible she's in some degree homophobic.
I agree, she is probably misinformed, and if you feel comfortable 'educating' her, then I would definitely go for it. I believe that everything can be understood with time. You say she's not the type of friend who would ditch you, so I'm sure that in time she will come to understand and maybe have a more open mind about the lgbt+ community and how you identify.
As someone who grew up misinformed and homophobic, I definitely feel it's worth the effort if she's still showing clear signs of sanity. If in time she becomes supportive that could make the process a lot easier. It's great to have close friends who don't judge you for who you are... I texted mine non-stop before I came out, I've got to admit.
Hmm. At first I would say she sounds uninformed about the subject of sexual orientations and its realities, but then after reading a bit more, she does seem too ignorant of the subject to really know what she is talking about. It's a little like this: say you've read a book and your friend has also read said book, but lied about actually reading it. You approach her, attempt to chat about your favorite scene, and she panics and attempts to make sense of only the information you have given to her from talking about the book. She is very uninformed, but what she said sounds like it would definitely be hurtful. Do you know if she is the type of person that has been guarded from controversial subjects like homosexuality by a guardian/family? I had a friend that had been like that, and it was a little bit of a similar situation.
I don't really know anything about her family background, but she knows all about mine - my mom has no opinion on LGBT and my dad thinks LG is a choice and BT doesn't exist... But she is over at my house all the time. I hardly ever see her parents, but I do know that her mom is a P.R.U.D.E with a capital P! And all the websites she [My friend] gets on can be seen through a program in her mom's computer, so if she looked up anything her mom might get the wrong idea. I'm thinking of inviting over the other friend I told over to spend the night so we can talk about it, but only talk about it in the morning, because I also told her that I was just confused when I came out to her. The other friend was very, VERY accepting and completely cool with everything, and we used to hold hands all the time in a friendly way and we still do - that's how cool she is with it. I told her I wasn't romantically attracted to her because I knew she was too nice to ask. But I'm thinking I'm going to talk to this friend and just let my friendship with the girl I mentioned in my first post just be my best friend. I'll tell her when I have everything figured out.
