I know there is nothing wrong with being gay, and I've accepted it about myself but I'm nowhere near being extremely proud of who I am or being happy with the way I'll live. I can't help but feel sad when I think about the fact I can't even get married in my country, the fact that there is hardly any LGBT representation for kids like me. All the songs on the radio are for straight people, all the books are for straight people, all the shows and movies and love stories in Disney films are for straight people. No wonder us LGBT kids grow up feeling different and ashamed and like we don't belong, there's no one representing us anywhere. I just get so sad when I hear a song about a guy singing for a girl, I can't relate to it and I wish I could be straight. I hate the fact that I can never have sex with my wife one day and have a child together that is biologically ours. I know there is adoption and surrogacy and so on but I can't shake the fact that it won't be both of ours genetically and I envy how straight people can make love and form a creation of themselves. I don't think I could handle adopting, what if the child feels it's missing out or doesn't feel connected to us or wants to find their birth parents and form a connection etc. I'm really young but these things bother me and I can't stop thinking about them. Even when I'm in school ( I go to an all girls school) and the teachers ask 'So girls who has a boyfriend' or 'Do you have a boy to bring to prom' etc. I hate that they assume we are all straight, I just feel like a tiny left out majority that hasn't found my place and the acceptance I long for. I just want to be happy with who I am.
Well, cannot help you with the biological aspect of having a baby. Sorry, but that's just never going to happen. HOWEVER, you CAN get married. How you plan your family is up to you and your wife, and I don't know how old you are, but in my life I"ve done a lot of things I've said I could or would never do. Time just does that to you, I think, based on all your experiences in life. Yes, you are right in that on the casual observation it IS a straight world. However, there's been so many changes and so recently to change things. You CAN get married, you CAN join the military, you CAN adopt children. I do realize it's hard and it's different. I think if you fall into the "life isn't fair" aspect of it, then you're just going to get yourself down about it. Good luck sweetie.
First of all, your profile says you are from Atlanta, aren't you? You can get married in the US now! Second of all, you say there is hardly any representation. That isn't true! You just haven't come across it or haven't souht it out. There are lots and lots of movies, TV shows and books with lesbian couples on it!! Countless. There is really so much representation these days and it's getting better every day. Have you seen South of Nowhere or The L Word? I grew up on those shows and they saved my life! There are lesbian couples on a ton of shows. Thankfully we have the Internet now so you just have to go and look for it. I can definitely relate to how you felt growing up alone and ashamed cause when I was little, I never saw or know anyone gay in real life or on TV and there was no Internet either, but it's different now. About the kid thing. I cannot really relate to this one as I have never wanted to have a child, especially a biological one. But this is something that you will eventually accept down the line, the fact that your children can't be both of yours genetically. The truth is, it doesn't really matter at all, you are not going to have a better relationship with your children just because they are genetically both of yours so it's not like having an IVF baby is in any way a disadvantage. It's understandable that you have this romantic idea that you and your partner make a baby together though. If you adopt a child (a small child), there is no way they wouldn't feel 'connected' to you. You don't feel connected to your family because you are blood related, you feel connected because you grew up with them. If your parents told you tomorrow that you were adopted, would you love them any less? They're still your parents and wouldn't you feel lucky that you got adopted and grew up with a family when there are so many kids who never get adopted and never have a family of their own? Even if your child grew up and wanted to find their biological parents, why is that such a scary thought? That doesn't take away from your relationship with your child. You would still be their parent, it's not like IVF/adopted children go off and abandon their parents when they grow up and find their biological parents. The vast majority don't care to ever meet them or don't have the chance. Unfortunately people will always assume you are straight since that's how most people are so the boyfriend questions will never stop. Us gays will always have to come out to new people but oh well. I guess these things seem huge when you are young but trust me as you get older and you grow into who you are, you will find your place in the world and it won't be so awful then. You sound like you don't have a lot of gay friends which is probably the problem.
