Note: I came out as transgender on January 3rd, to my parents, which went horribly. Since I came out it seems only ill has come of it. At the time I thought, "Oh this will be great! I'm so brave for doing this!" It was hell and I ended up causing more pain for both myself and my family. What's worse is that I agreed with my parents and 'recanted' being trans and wanting to transition. It had been after weeks of imploring and "talking" to them every single day, I was exhausted and sad, so I gave in. I said I agreed and forced myself to believe I was and always will be female. After that I lapsed into a depressive fit and ended up self harming, weeping and feeling ashamed about it, and them resigning myself to complete hopeless misery concerning my future forced to live as "female." I couldn't live that way, I realized. I'm a guy and that's the end of it. I have to transition. So that's where I'm at - a tricky position in which I'm trying to fit into the female mold my parents so desperately want me to be, because I promised them I would, while simultaneously deceiving them in that I don't believe it. I fully intend to move out and transition as soon as possible, but will have to basically "re-come out" to say, "By the way I lied and I'm gonna do what I was gonna do in the first place, sorry." I feel like shit for putting my parents through all this. They can't understand, and their convictions prevent them from supporting me. Sure they "should" love and support me unconditionally, but the simple fact is that most people are incapable of that. I understand, as sad as it is, why they will disown me. Anyway, I feel like an idiot for coming out in the first place. It has caused me to lose virtually every "privilege" I had, and I'm being forced to do the opposite of what I want, which puts me under intense strain and aggravates my gender dysphoria constantly. I trusted them and it wasn't good enough. I extended myself too far, was too vulnerable, let them see more than they should've. It would have been better, more logical, to stay silent and wait it out. But I had to try, didn't I?
First of all you're not an idiot for thinking your parents could support and accept you. What you did was indeed really brave. You gave in and that's understandable, unfortunately like you said it means that you're gonna have to come out again at some point. Maybe you should wait until you have your own place that way you wouldn't have to face their disapproval all day long. Know that you did nothing wrong and if not in your home, you have here in EC people that support you so hang in there.
You are NOT an idiot. You are in circumstances beyond your control and you're doing your absolute best. This is how you were born, not a decision you're making on purpose. And your "deception" is pure survival kicking in. It sucks that you were put in a position where you felt you had to do that. So please don't be so hard on yourself. How old are you and how long until you'll be able to move out? Can you get into therapy in the meantime?
Of course you are not an idiot. I remember how difficult it was for you to maintain the secret from your parents, how oppressive life was for you in the closet. You came out to them in the hope it would free you from that and it might have done. Yes, it was a big chance that you took, but that's true when anyone comes out - we take the risk and hope for the best. Just because they reacted badly, does not make you and idiot. Some people reacted badly to me too, but more fool them. It's easy to be wise with the benefit of hindsight and berate yourself for taking the chance, but ruminating over that will not help or ease any of your current feelings. You know what you have to do, even though it is a hard road to travel, so devote your energy to completing the journey and continue to lean on us for support and encouragement.
Sounds like your parents are the fools for thinking they can force you into a role you just won't fit. There's nothing wrong with hoping that the two people who you've trusted your entire life to take care of you and protect you would offer you love and support for something you struggle with. I'm sorry it didn't go well, and I'm sorry that their unwillingness to accept you has put you in a bad position. Speaking from a personal place, when I came out as trans to my parents, my father threatened my life and my mother kindly informed me that I had killed her only daughter. In a darkly fortunate way, my parents had never been invested in my personal life, and so when I began to pass while I lived at college they didn't know. Now that I've been home and it's been clear things aren't changing, my mother at least has started to come around. Long story short, things can change. If your parents won't change, your situation will. You absolutely are not an idiot. What you're going through takes an incredible amount of strength and I'm rooting for you. Sorry for the wall of text.
