Urges to present as masculine? (HELP)

Just because you want to wear masculine clothing does not mean you are trans or want to be male. My wife recently is going through that, she really was not out completely until her early 40's so she did not have the chance to be who she was. She uses the term Transmasculine, she does not feel like a woman, or a man either and does NOT want to change her gender. She is happy with her body, although she would like to get rid of her breasts because they ruin the line of her dress shirts.

Talk to her and explain to her that you want to dress differently and that it does not mean you want to be a man. I think when I grew up it was easier due to the fact that every woman who wanted to dress masculine was not immediately thought of as wanting to be male or as Trans, but considered more Butch and still a woman.

---------- Post added 25th Mar 2016 at 06:27 PM ----------

There are many many Hard Butch women who do this and they are STILL women. This has nothing to do with wanting to be a man. If you do not want to be male and have male parts you are not trans. If you do not feel that you were born into the wrong body, you are not trans. I think you are going to find out that you are not hard femme like your gf thought but actually hard butch. I know tons of hard butches that bind, use male monikers and male pronouns......

 

Yes, that is ONE presentation of Hard Butch. Hard Butches are the ones where you look twice and or call them Sir. They usually get grief in the womans bathroom, and usually go by male names. They are women however, and do not want to change that. They are masculine of center.

Ivan Coyote(more genderqueer), Sinclair Sexsmith, and Rhon Drinkwater come to mind for hard butches. I am in my 40's so I only really know the gals around my age. It's somewhat hard to find images on the internet of harder butches, those searches usually direct you to Porn sites. The book Stone Butch Blues is a story about a gal going through what you are, but it is set in the 50's, it's pretty much the same struggle as now though, it has not changed much over time sadly.

Top Hot Vermont Butches

'Handsome Revolution Project' Documents The Spectrum Of Masculinity

Here are some things I found on a quick search. Many harder Butch women use their names, but often they will have a nickname that is more masculine, or a spelling that is neutral or change their name to a masculine one. My wife likes to go by Eli which is a nickname. Also, just because you desire a strap on or to 'pack' also does not mean you want to be a man. That is the usual for Butchier women in my experience. It is more common for these presentations to be less likely in conservative areas, but in CA and on the East Coast, they are quite common. To the point they have opened exclusive shops and tailor services for masculine women. One is Tomboi Tailors. You can check out their site:
Men's clothes for women? Suit yourself - SFGate

and Saint Harridan, here is there Pinterest page
https://www.pinterest.com/source/saintharridan.com/

 

Have you ever considered you could be genderfluid? It is definitely possible to be simply a crossdresser or a hard butch, but at the same time you've periodically described your feelings to be urges yet you've also described yourself as highly femme. While it's perfectly okay to have a sudden style change (especially at age 18 since you're still young and exploring), it sounds like you're switching back and forth.

It's also very normal to push the idea of being any kind of form of transgender away, so while I am not in any way saying you are, I am just suggesting that if you haven't already just keep an open mind and perhaps make a mental or physical list of why you believe you aren't transgender / genderfluid.

Generfluid is where you switch you between feeling like you're a girl and a boy based on I supposed what you would call urges. Sometimes moments like these could last days, weeks, months, etc. And the reason why I do suggest genderfluid is because you do think of yourself as femme, but have also wanted to bind your breasts and pack. So maybe this could be an option for you?

Another possiblitiy is you are a hard butch or what I like to call a really dedicated tomboy, but you're afraid to actually express yourself freely. Are you just worried about your girlfriend or were you raised in an environment where maybe dressing a certain way wasn't okay? (And by the way, next time you work up the courage to go into the men's aisle, if you're really worried about being caught, you could always tell people you're shopping for a friend/brother/cousin/relative. You can even pick out a name if it means so much to you, but I know I had this fear when I first started buying clothes in the men's aisle, but no one paid me any attention really.)

Of course things like this can always be extremely confusing and no matter what you decide you are in the end - girl, trans, crossdresser, butch, non-conforming, genderfluid, etc - you should try to dress more masculinely. Talk to your girlfriend and let her know you want to experiment with your style and see if this interests you. Most people are usually okay with it. I think it might only really be alarming if she gets no warning or you do a full makeover suddenly. Besides, you could always take her with you if you go shopping for men's clothes.

Whatever you choose, remember you are beautiful no matter what and don't ever need to meet anyone's expectations to be a girl / girly. And try not to be too hard on yourself, and patient. You've got nothing but time.

 

I know for every person the experience is always different. Some people who are genderfluid do prefer or find the opposite sex's body shape on themselves to be more appealing, but still feel like both or switch between.

As for bigender, you don't necessarily have to be feminine to be both a girl and a boy. There's plenty of tomboys out there who still identify as female, so in identifying as bigender the case could be you're a tomboy & a masculine male together. Which this could also make sense for your position because you've mention before that you feel/know you're a woman yet you have strong urges to present masculine as well as bind and pack, thus showing signs of dysphoria which is easily possible for those who do identify as bigender / genderfluid.

Additionally, it's also possible you could identify as agender (having no gender if you don't really feel like either with no gender), or as third gender (having a gender that's neither female or male.) In either case your mixed feelings would be validated.

There's also just plain genderqueer which is where you don't submit to conventional gender distinctions but could identify as neither gender, both gender, or an intermittent of both.

Sorry, I know I'm throwing a lot at you, but sometimes it's best to lay out all best possible options and contemplate them. It's really confusing at first, and sometimes it could be because you're not completely ready or you might be scared/having doubts to acknowledge you might not necessarily be a cisgender woman.

You could also check this article that may be useful to you. I think I Might Be Transgender also has resources within the text at number 7 if you check want to skip to that.

Also on Transbucket.com these have a mega long list of resources that may be useful to you. It's about the 8th post down. The resource categories that you might find most helpful are General Resources, Trans Related Terminology, Understanding Your Gender Identity, Nonbinary Resources, Transmasculine, Trans mental health, Coming out advice, and Trans advice/resource/discussion blogs and sites respectively.

Hope this helps and I'm here if you have anymore questions.