My 15 year old son is gay and I have known for about 2 years.He was living with his father who recently found out and disowned him. I support him fully,i am just needing advice on what to do when he has friends over since I do have a 6 year old in the house as well.My son likes to lay in bed and "cuddle" with his friend while watching tv im wondering what is the best way to handle this with out offending anyone. I wouldnt allow this at 15 no matter what just not sure how to approach this since had already talked about this before hand this is his first time haveing anyone over since he came to live with me 3 weeks ago. Please advise..
Hi, and welcome. It's awesome that you want to be supportive, and it's also good that you want to set reasonable and healthy boundaries. I think the trick here is to try and establish the same standard you would for a hetero couple. Perhaps have an honest conversation (as awkward as it might be) and tell him that you want to be supportive, but at the same time set healthy boundaries. Maybe ask *him* what he'd suggest for fair and healthy boundaries. One idea might be "cuddling OK as long as clothes are on, and no sheet or blanket covering". Another might be "Door to your room stays open." But if you talk to him about healthy boundaries and give him the opportunity to participate in establishing them... he might surprise you and work with you on it. It can go both ways. Some kids at that age are dying to experiment with sexual stuff, others are mortified, so if he's part of the latter group, he might actually appreciate help with the clear boundaries.
Mom, as a 13 year old MtF girl, my boyfriend and I loves to cuddle either at his house, I have a 5 year old brother and an 8 year old brother and Jake has a 3 year old brother, so they know we love to cuddle (and more ). If you are wore about him cuddling, set rules, however, if your 6 year old is as observant as my (and Jake's) brothers are he will know. Since I do babysit him, Drew, Jake's brother, calls me his second mommy. Since your ex (I guess he's your ex) disowned him, tell him that EC is a wonderful community. I hope you'll let him join. Anyway, welcome to EC, mom..
Hey there, and welcome! First, thanks for being so supportive of your son. Even though his dad is apparently an asshat, having one supportive parent will hopefully help him to realize that there are good people in the world. Secondly, I'm going to second what Chip said. Definitely talk about it with him. It might be awkward, but if he's open enough to tell you he enjoys cuddling, he's probably okay to sit down and have a mature discussion about appropriate boundaries. I agree with the "clothes on, no blankets" rule and the open door policy. Something else I think you should include would be a policy for sleepovers. My parents never allowed girls to stay the night at our house when I was a kid. I kind of resent that a bit. I think there are better ways to keep things under control. Maybe extending the open-door policy to overnights or stipulating that they may not sleep in the same bed would be an option. Another option would be to set them up in a living room or family room rather than a bedroom, that way the temptation isn't there. Definitely get his input on this. If he's one of those kids who's repulsed by the idea of any kind of sex, you can probably be even less stringent. Again, thank you for being such a supportive mother to your son. I guarantee he appreciates it.
Glad first of all your supportive! Chip made a some good points! I would talk with him and set some "cuddling" boundaries in respect that a much younger sibling is seeing and can't process. Not that it's a bad thing but has its momemt. Have a sexual health talk most important with him. For me from my parents was the best awkward talk ever. They shared their feelings and gave me the help and information to be safe young
Maybe, depending on his maturity, you could explain your concerns in a light hearted way. Maybe make a joke of it to show that this isn't just because he's gay. Explain that you think there needs to be some reassurance that his actions are suitable BUT ask him what he thinks the rules/ boundaries should be. That way your asking him to show you maturity by making rules he is comfortable with in an attempt to reassure you. Showing that level of respect to your son I think should make him more likely to stick to those boundaries and be more considerate of his actions. It's harder to rebel against rules that you set for yourself.
My mother did the open door policy as well as no blankets and as i wasnt out completely honestly at the level of sneakiness i was at it turned into no sleepovers as there were previous incidents she did not find out about i later told her as to make it known, talk about safe sex and really go in depth with that you and him both feel like love means to you both as well, you should probably get him a condom or two not to condone but if he feels the need to be unruly the last thing you will want is to have to go see your doctor for the most nerve wrecking every three months check up ...when i was that age i decided not to listen and had the worst HIV scare but guess what i stopped being sexually active at my mothers and decided to integrate condoms into any sexual thing i did which really was beneficial. So you can help him but the rest of the trust need to be discussed and known that youre the parent and he needs to stay safe regardless this is a difficult age you want to help your baby but you want them to learn also. Hope some of that helps and im sorry if i was way to honest.
Thats pretty horrible that his father disowned him, your children are your children. Sexual orientation shouldn't change that.
Why would his dad disown him, unless he is an idiot. My 11 came out, but I didn't disown him. My mom and dad knows, but we are living with them. Connor isn't disowned yet (haven't talked to Mr Jerk (ex), yet. But Connor is not disowned.
I want to thank you all so much.I will try some of the ideas.I am very supportive I love my children and NOTHING will ever change that. We have an honest and open relationship i feel considering i was the first family member he told.He told me 2 years before his dad.And yes swimscotty his dad is an asshat, I agree. I want to make this as easy as possible for my son. I feel if he were hetero and i wouldnt be cool with something then it shouldnt be any different now. I have a no closed door policy already and no PDA in front if lil brother until he is old enough to understand better. I fully support my som but wr have to have boundaries. @ thegaycounselor you were way to honestbut I needed to hear it because I have been going back and forth about that issue for a while now wondering if and how i should approach it so Thank You. I want him to have a very comforting home for him and his friends where they know they wont be judged.Nut I want rules to be followed as well.am imput of things yall feel i should read/follow/join that may help us out please feel free to share
What would you do if he was cuddling with a girl? Do the same thing. You could tell him to cuddle with their clothes on maybe, but what's the point of that. They are 15. (Old enough i guess). I am 13 now and i have a boyfriend, but we agreed to only cuddle with our clothes on until we are around 15-16. If it is about the 6-year-old, tell them to close the door. If it is because you are uncomfortable, then talk to him and tell him why. Dont be harsh and dont set really strict boundaries or he will do it behind your back whether you like it or not. Good luck
