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Im completely confused if I'm straight or not

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by John C89, Mar 6, 2016.

  1. John C89

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    Well, I'll try to give enough details, but also be brief about that

    My age is 23, and since 1 year ago I've been struggling with this doubt sometimes,cand this is making me feel ansious. Since I was a teenager I remember I was attracted to girl. I remember seeing girls with tight clothes or using legging, qnd felt strong arousal. I was always curious about pussies, and imagining how could be fucking one. The first time I kissed a girl I was 11, and it was with one of my best friends. She also put my hand in one of her breasts, and I felt arousal because of this. All my teenage years I was always thinking about girls, even having some doubts about sexuality, but no big deals. Well, I have had many sexual partners (had sex with at least 16 girls in my life), but one phenomenon happened many times....seems that after a while (maybe after some months), I lost most of my sexual pleasure with the girls I had in the beginning. Now what's happening.... Last year I kissed a guy in an alternative party I was, just to be 'cool'. I haven't liked it, but I dont felt nothing, I was focused on girls. Then, it happened to kiss other guys, but never felt real interest, as I was never in the moment with them. But this made me started to create big doubts about my sexuality. I started to masturbate thinking about gays and I had orgasms, while seems my sexual pleasure with girls is decreasing and now seems to be hard for me to get aroused for women when fantazing. But i prefer women, in my opinion they are more beautiful and sensual-looking. I don't like men when looking at them. But I'm having these problems with almost no desire from some months ago, and I felt orgasms easier when fantasizing about men. Since this never happened to me, and I felt arousal for women on my teenage years, what's happening??? Whats my orientation? Im straight and this is just a phase, or looking for new stimuli? Am I bi? In addition, I was always watching lesbian porn, as I was always into pussy before, but seems that thing are changing. What's going on???

    ---------- Post added 6th Mar 2016 at 10:54 AM ----------

    Additional details: in the new year eve, I had a one night stand sex with a girl, and despite I was not attracted to her beauty or suffering from those, she was so seductive dancing, that I was close to her and felt sexual desire for her (dont know if it was because I was having no sex for months). And the sex was really good, she was amazing in bed. If a girl talk dirty to me, even if I'm feeling no desires for women, I feel sexually excited and want to make out with them. But now I'm experiencing this orgasms easier with men, and a very hard time to have orgasms thinking about women
     
  2. Chip

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    In your case, there are no obvious or clear-cut answers.

    What I can tell you is there are plenty of guys who in their early teens have girlfriends, have sex with them and enjoy it, and later on, figure out that they're gay and realize their connections to men are much deeper than their connections to women ever were. (And, of course, there are people who open up to being bisexual as well.) So it's quite possible to not know early in life and have that emerge later.

    However, it's complicated because of your description. If there's a lot of anxiety and constant intrusive thoughts and difficult-to-control urges to "test" your sexuality, that could point toward an anxiety-spectrum issue such as OCD, but I'm not hearing you describe any OCD-like symptoms.

    If you're masturbating mostly to fantasies and not to porn, then I would hazard a guess that what you have is an emerging awareness of some level of same-sex attraction. If all of your masturbation fantasies are to porn, my best suggestion is to give the porn up for a month or so and work with fantasies you create in your mind.

    And before someone comes along and suggests otherwise, I'd personally advise not dipping your toe into the "sexually attracted to this and emotionally attracted to that" pool, as, for someone in your situation, it is likely to create more confusion than it will solve.

    The last piece I can offer is... simply taking a breath, giving it time, and being OK with not knowing exactly for a while is probably your best strategy. It's unlikely you're going to get an answer in a day or two, but if you start working through what you're feeling and basically "trying it on for size", I think you'll find that things start to get clearer after a bit.

    Feel free to talk more about it, ask more questions, and explore your feelings here... that's among the best ways to help figure yourself out.
     
  3. John C89

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    Hi Chip! For some reason my post disappeared here. Well, maybe it would help to say that I can still feel aroused for a woman if we talk dirty. And 3 months ago I was seduced by a girl that danced in a very seducing way and when we get close,cI was sexually wanting her. So we have had a very good one night stand. At first I tried gay porn, but I decided to just fantasize and I liked it, I had orgasms. Thinking about kinsey scale, what all of this can mean? I still desire to be straight, for real, so I'm ansious and hoping that the worst possibility is being bissexual
     
  4. John C89

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  5. Carpe noctem 16

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    Hi John,

    I too am going through the same thing. When thinking about being with a guy i get so aroused. Its like im going thru puberty again. However, i still love women and they too arouse me. I started to watch gay porn and i feel like i want to be with a guy.

    Where all this came from? Im not exactly sure. Im going crazy!

    Anyways i just thought i'd share what im going through!
     
  6. John C89

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    Yeah man, I can imagine your situation, it's hard! In my case it's awkward because I've never noticed guys in my life, and now I'm walking the streets and feeling sexual desire/arousal for almost every guy I see, no criteria at all. But whats worse is that I just can't imagine myself with guys, it's just weird for me, even romantically I can't imagine that at all. Plus my sex drive for women has vanished away I have no idea why. Im trying to understand what's going on, as this never happened before
     
  7. Carpe noctem 16

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    This is all so hard to understand. I never imagined wanting a guy and now just imagining myself with a guy gets me super aroused. No idea what to do.
     
  8. Azrael79

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    Go with your feelings, if its part of who you are accept it and try not to make yourself crazy. Its confusing at first and scary, However that does fade in time. ; )
     
  9. Carpe noctem 16

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    Thats easier said then done for me right now! Part of me feels great talking about what im going thru but at the same time my hands are shaking and heart pounding all dam day.
     
  10. Azrael79

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    Hopefully being here will help you through your emotions, considering what you are feeling is completely new to you. : )
     
  11. Carpe noctem 16

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    It has helped me a great deal already. Talking about it so freely omg im feeling good about that.
     
  12. Azrael79

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    Being here for the short time I have has helped me a lot as well, Its nice to meet others that are similar on such a large scale.
     
  13. Carpe noctem 16

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    Very True. Im glad i found this site. I had absolutely no one to express my feelings.
     
  14. Azrael79

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    If you ever have any questions or need to talk, dont be afraid to ask. Im pretty easy going : )
     
  15. Carpe noctem 16

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    Thank you so much! It really means alot!
     
  16. Azrael79

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    No problem : )
     
  17. John C89

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    Azrael, is there any explanation about why my desire for women disappeared. I mean, if I was a 5 or 6 on Kinsey, I wouldn't be able to like women so much like I've done in the pasti, did I? But to say, if I talk dirty to a women, I can still feel arousal by them. But its specific
     
    #17 John C89, Mar 7, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2016
  18. Azrael79

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    You say that you are still aroused by women, it could be that you need to explore your sex life more try different things and be open minded, sex becomes very boring if its the same thing all of the time.
     
  19. John C89

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    Well, it's like, if a women comes to me and we start talking dirty, I feel arousal. Although normalky I don't, and this desire for men is getting stronger. Plus, I can still masturbate when thinking about women, but its more hard to feel orgasm, although with men seems much more easy!

    ---------- Post added 8th Mar 2016 at 05:27 AM ----------

    Its like, if I just let things flow, I don't feel nothing for women, like I used to in the past. But for example, 1 month ago I was hosting a friend and she was with another girl, her friend. I felt her friend beautiful, and I was always obsessed with conquering girls. So just by talking to her and thinking in 'conquering', I was somewhat wet. But seems that I need to work in this operandus mode to function as straight. The last time I had an one night stand with a women I was in a dance floor, qnd she danced so close to me, and so sensually, that I was wanting to kiss her. We started to kiss, and I felt a strong sexual desire for her. But normally I don't notice women. Maybe I'm a kinsey 4? I don't understand why my normal desire vanished, and why Im only having desire for men, despite these specific situations or this 'forced' masturbation
     
  20. Carpe noctem 16

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    Had no idea what the kinsey was, i took it. Scored a 3. So according to that test im bi.
    @ john