Changing your physical appearance when you come out

When I finally accepted myself, I went and chopped all my hair off. I find little ways that will help me feel more like myself. I always felt a little self conscious about my looks. It kinda bothered me that I was never into the makeup and spending two hours on my hair routine. When I accepted being gay, I let this invisible wall fall down. I am learning that me being comfortable is more important.

 

I'm feminine, I have been wondering if it's a negative, I wonder if it's harder to meet lesbian women because of this.
I don't want to tone down my femininity, but it did cross my mind. I love being female, feminine. I might change my hair but not too short. I don't want to get into changing to fit in.

 

I am right there with you. I´m feminine. Although I do have short hair, I try to keep it stylish and I do spend some time on it in the morning. I always wear make up and my outfits are feminine. That´s just my style and the look I like. I´m not going to change that and I don´t think anyone should change their look just to fit in.
But I have wondered, like you, if it will be more difficult to meet other lesbians or being noticed by others.
I´m very new at all this but this thought has crossed my mind

 

I got into great physical shape, tried various clothing styles, got a few tattoos and styled my hair a bit differently. Some time on, my clothing style is back to what it used to be, I still keep my hair more stylish than I did previously, I continue to stay in shape, and while I have not gotten any new tattoos, I have given thought to get a piercing at some point.

 

I tried changing my appearance recently when I came out to myself after my first gay experience two months ago, and now I'm left with a haircut I don't really like and my beard isn't the way I want it and it will take me time to get back to where I was. It's not like being gay changes anything about you, I don't think, so I don't see the point in physically altering my appearance because of it.

 

You dont need to change your appearance to try and fit in. You just be you.
I speak for myself on this, because i felt like being really feminine was me trying to fit into a straight lifestyle. I was trying to be like my straight girlfriends. So to fit in with them, i tried (and failed miserably) to be girly. Its just not me.
As far as meeting lesbian women... even with my style change, i have had a hard time meeting anyone. It hasnt really made it any easier

 

Changes in physical appearance need not signify anything negative.

This could happen when those who have repressed a part of themselves all their adult lives are suddenly free to be who they are, and this may well translate to an external expression of an internal acceptance.

It could be a change toward something rather than a change away from something. It's like climbing a tall and scary ladder, some are thinking of the height while others are thinking of the view...

For some people, a physical sign of a mostly intangible and internal change of one's self-understanding requires a physical and meaningful symbol of that change, both to anchor and concretize this change in a tangible way for one's own self and for others.

 

I lost about 40lbs and use hair products which I've never done before. I now also sport a very short beard. I like the changes I've made and they've also been well received.

 

I only came out on here like two days ago. I am about to embark in a journey to loose weight and stick to a healthy lifestyle. I really let myself go in the past couple years. Lost all my motivation, now its coming back and im ready for the change!

 

Nah I didn't change, I still look like a mix between a biker and punk. And I've always worked out, so im in good physical shape.

 

Yep. I get this. I feel sort of free to not be held to some girly standard and just be my slightly tomboyish self and actually feel good instead of paranoid and uncomfortable. I'm not trying to look gay or anything but I know I do a little.

 

I stopped wearing padded bra and embraced my very flat chest. I am still quite feminine (fuck that 'real women have curves' bullshit) but I am slowly feeling more comfortable in my body (although still have ways to go).

 

I agree with what other posters said: changing appearance isn't necessarily bad. If you want to dye your hair, cut it, dress with more confidence, do it.

I did change my appearance too: in what might be the most cliche move ever, I cut my hair and started dressing less girly (swing pretty wildly toward masculine actually). I see it as I was partly flagging and partly making up for lost time, reclaiming that 10 year old who was too afraid to be herself.

 

I started wearing all the quirkier, stylish clothes that are slightly more androgynous, because I now worry less about trying to be feminine... These are clothes that I feel suit me more, and I enjoy them more, but I still wear some feminine things, because they suit me, too. Sexy doesn't have to be one look. I also stopped wearing super-padded bras, but they are still a little padded, because I am not quite there yet. My hair is slightly shorter, but I've liked it like that for a while. I still love makeup. I feel I always will. And I will always put effort into my appearance so that it is flattering for me.

 

I've been doing that too, actually. I've always preferred my hair short, but I grew it out for awhile because I wanted people to think I was pretty. But you know, I reckon if I want my short hair, no makeup, and cargo shorts with baby Ts and tennis shoes, that's what I wanna wear. I'm not really masculine, but I'm not a super girly girl. I like keeping casual, and it suits me more than acting super femmy.

 

Have you seen the underside only dyed. You can't see it normally until you pull it into a ponytail. It's not too much of a commitment if you don't like it, but it can but pretty fun and flashy. I cut all but an inch of my hair off when I was 14, and then grew it out a few years ago half way down my back. I never really felt like me with it long, like I was wearing a costume so I cut most of it off last month and buzzed an undercut all the way around. I've never been happier with it, feel like myself again.

 

Well if you have "shampoo commercial hair" and you like it, don't cut it! That sounds great. My hair is curly, dry and has a tendency to stand pretty much on end when it gets ruffled. I sorta liked it when I was young because it was finer, less curly and more manageable but it has got ridiculous since puberty, so I see no reason not to cut it short since I do nothing with it. But ever since I expressed desire to actually cut it short my mum has stopped threatening to cut it off haha.

 

Aqua hair is super hot, MS0001! I hope you did it!

I'm still pretty early in coming out, but I decided I wanted to see what my body looks like if I just don't shave anything, since I've never done that. Like, it's my damn body, I want to know about it's natural state, lol, not modify it the way everyone tells me, and then I can decide what I want to do with it. Also, this week I bought some dude deoderant, because f*** yeah I want my arm pits to smell like "Avalanche".

 

Hahaha I dunno about deodarant because all that comes to mind is the overpowering clouds of lynx that hung over every boy at my old school... but I do like the smell of some guy perfumes. Last time I went to a perfume shop I was skipping back and forth all over the place trying all the girl and guy perfumes. That's something that has come of this sexuality journey too - I no longer have any respect for the gender on products, isn't it such a ludicrous concept anyway? In terms of body hair, I have become more bothered about its upkeep now than ever... I guess I had insufficient motivation before.