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Questioning being agender or demi-agender

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Samantha44, Feb 27, 2016.

  1. Samantha44

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    So, my whole life, I've grown up in a very conservative family with no LGBT+ representation (my mom is probably the only non-homophobic family member I know, and she "doesn't push her political opinions on us" meaning she never opposed my homophobic family's views) so having been born female, my family had pushed feminine traits down my throat. I've already figured out my sexuality, but I always told myself "I'm a girl, that's who I am" because that's what I'd learned for years. But recently, I've been thinking more about that. Like, honestly, I carry a lot of feminine traits with me. I like to wear dresses and lots of makeup and I love my long hair. BUT, I feel like that's the only reason I feel like a girl. I mean, I feel like the only reasons Ive identify as a girl is because that's what I've always been called, because I like to do things that are "girly" in the eyes of society, and because of the lack of representation for any other identities for the majority of my life.

    What I'm trying to say is that mentally, I don't know what it feels like to be a girl. I still feel that she/her pronouns would be alright (then again, maybe I'm too scared to ask for anything else) and I definitely don't feel like a guy. But, even in my inner dialogue, I more refer to myself as "you" or "that person" or just "Samantha". Just because I like things the stereotypical girl likes, and I don't have a problem with my biologically female body, does that automatically make me a girl? Am I just over thinking things? I mean, I just don't really feel connected to being a girl beyond the things I wear, does that even mean anything?
     
  2. darkcomesoon

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    I think a lot of cis people don't really feel their gender strongly. If you don't have any sort of dysphoria, you're probably a girl. You don't need to feel a strong attachment to your gender.
     
  3. GayNurse95

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    I agree with the above.
    You need dysphoria to be trans. If you don't have dysphoria, you're cisgender.
    There's nothing wrong with that, so don't worry.
     
  4. lgbtqenjolras

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    I personally disagree with the people above. If you don't have dysphoria your probably not trans, but that doesn't mean you're not agender or possibly bigender or a demigirl! Experiment with what feels good for you for now, and you'll figure it out eventually!
     
  5. DemiLiHue

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    Look. Not Feeling dysphoria does not mean you are not trans. It just means you could live happily as your gender assigned at birth! Go and think what feels right
     
  6. Kodama

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    Not feeling dysphoria does not mean you aren't trans.

    Let it be remembered that gender (a culturally and socially constructed standing) and one's biological sex (psychical characteristics of the body- ex, genitals) are separate things, so not everyone will and has to necessarily feel dysphoria/hate and/or distress towards their bodies to be something other than what one is assigned at birth. Not everyone will feel that their bodies have to 'align', one could unconditionally love their home (their body) but still identify as a different gender despite what their body's characteristics are traditionally associated with.

    There are trans people out there who absolutely exist and are living proof that it is possible to be trans without dysphoria.

    In any case, why not try out some labels for size? No harm would be done in doing so, and then you'll know for sure whether or not it feels comfortable and if it's for you.

    I know it's vague but with gender being such a convoluted thing, there are really no concrete signs or way(s) for anyone other than you to determine what you are for sure. My best advice and recommendation(s) I can give you is to keep thinking on it and simply experiment with your gender identity and see what feels right and most comfortable for you.

    With that said, I hope you have a wonderful day, and I hope this proved to be somewhat helpful.
     
    #6 Kodama, Mar 10, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2016
  7. ConfusedBrit

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    Hi Samantha
    I feel your pain, I feel almost exactly the same but flipped around - I don't mind being a guy but I get annoyed sometimes that that means that I can't have makeup and dresses and stuff.
    My view of it is that you should just experiment with it until you feel right about it - you won't find the answer immediately and getting upset about not having an answer achieves nothing, in my experience, but don't feel any pressure to put a label on yourself, just do what you feel comfortable with and you'll find the answer when you need to :slight_smile: (I'm Matthew by the way)
     
  8. Kodama

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    Hi Brit!
    I'd like to add my two cents real quick. Just because you're a guy doesn't mean you can't have access to makeup and dresses and stuff. And as a note, wanting to have access to that stuff does not necessarily mean you are not a guy.
    Yes, of course some of society will oppose it, but that comes with the territory of exploring and expressing oneself in any way. (Not just exclusive to gender expression, gender identity, sexuality, etc.) But there will be people who will also support you, and even root for you. Do what makes you feel comfortable. Wear what you want to wear.

    If you're not feeling brave enough to wear makeup and dresses in casual settings, you could consider crossdressing in performance arts until you feel more comfortable with doing so.
     
    #8 Kodama, Mar 10, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2016
  9. ConfusedBrit

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    Thanks Foxspirit, I just don't know what I want really I guess, just exploring all the options - thanks for weighing in :slight_smile: