How is living in your country as Gay/Bi/Pan/Trans?

Yeah, I found that when I was younger I had it a lot worse then I do now. Mainly because there's less that people can do to you as you get older, more protections put in place. When you're younger people are more likely to excuse people for bullying others because they don't know any better. As you get older you're expected to learn how to be civil with people that you don't like and not just fight them all the time. When I was 14 it was pretty bad because I would get picked on quite a bit, but these days people tend to be more mature about subjects like orientation rather than responding with "ew, that's icky and different so I'm going to ignore you and spit at you rather than act mature about this".

 

Hmmm. I never experienced homophobia that was directed at me (but I'm not out for that long yet and when I'm in public strangers have no way of knowing what my sexuality is, and I have no idea what people might be saying behind my back). I've also never heard anyone say something negative about lesbians in my presence (although I definitely overheard men sexualizing lesbians). I've heard men say negative things about gay men, though ('lesbians are ok, but gay men...' blablabla). I was partying with my friends at this straight club once and some dudes were pole dancing shirtless. For some reason, some of my straight guy friends found it necessary to shout 'gaaaaaays' at them. When they do something like that, I usually tell them to stop it because it is so silly. I guess that helps. They aren't homophobic though, they are ok with gay males too, but for some reason, they found it necessary to act like being a gay male is something negative sometimes.. I sometimes get the idea that being a gay male is still something that is looked down upon, even in our country. Lesbians are sexualized here, too, but I've experienced the sexualization of lesbians far less than I've experienced homophobic comments about gay males. The Dutch word for faggot is still used as a slur as well, but I've overheard young males in high school using it the most. The most extreme homophobia I ever experienced was when I was standing in line in front of a club and some strangers hissed 'faggots' or something at my gay male friends. So that's pretty much it. It's not like there is almost no homophobia here, though, since I know that some dude got rejected for an internship recently for being gay. But once the media caught wind of that, lots of people were upset by it and I believe that the dude sued the company that rejected him successfully.

Someone else here said that they think that gay males have it worse, and yeah, I think that as well sometimes. I wonder why? Yesterday, I read this article about Russian politicians who where debating whether or not to make public displays of same sex relations illegal or something like that. They are against 'non traditional sexual relationships', but they didn't consider a lesbian relationship to fall into that category. Wtf? The whole article was kind of odd, but I particularly couldn't understand the logic behind that statement.

 

I'm from the UK so maybe this isn't applicable to you, but the possible reason why gay men are looked down upon more than gay women is that gay men was forbidden by law, whereas gay women could be in a relationship as long as they did it on the ''down low''. [Tyger takes on...How straight am I?, BBC]. There's also a very big pressure to be ''real men'' and they see being straight as asserting dominance which is stereotypically what ''real men'' are whereas people tend not to care what women do.

Also, whose who say they're ''against non-traditional relationships'' well, a lot of Greek men in ancient times were in homosexual relationships but married to have kids and pass on name. So, if you think about it, homosexuality is traditional.

 

Yeah, that was how I felt about it too. Seems kind of one sided if you ask me. They came up with some bulls:***:it reason about how "females can deal with their emotions better" or something. Really I think it just sounds like the people in power just want to see lesbians make out, but they don't like the idea of two men kissing if you ask me. :dry:

 

Well... Florida is.... I don't know.
Most of the gay guys I've met in Florida are either really chill or flaming.
There are a lot of bottoms here though.
So I guess it's a tops paradise.
Why am I laughing so hard right now. *probably because it's true*

 

It is still illegal here!

 

Yeah, I think that definitely has something to do with it. I think it might also be because of the bible. The bible states that 'a man cannot lie with a man as he would with a woman' but it doesn't really say anything about lesbians. And the HIV/AIDS epidemic among gay men in the 70s/80s could be a reason for the increased homophobia they experience as well. But why does the bible only say something about gay males, and why was sodomy criminalized? Why is there more pressure for men to conform to their gender role?

Lolololol that is exactly what I thought. XD

 

1. Have no idea, it was written way before any of us were born. The Bible was also translated by males, so maybe they didn't want men ''going after'' them. [the ''so maybe'' part is just speculation, I have no proof of that]
2. Because men's traditional role is seen as stronger, and people want to be strong. I mean, if a woman's traditional role was seen as stronger, then it would have been men fighting for equal rights with women [Past: hanging stopped at same time as women - not after, being able to stay at home and look after babies/children, being allowed to cook/clean. Modern: being able to wear whatever clothing they'd like, choice of school uniform, getting pensions at the same time as women - not after, having traditional women's names]. Also, it is men who pass on the name to their children, and you can only do this if you have a child. You can adopt, but some parents might not consider that ''their grandchildren''.

 

Everyone I talk to (except for my friends) don't have a clue what it means and treat me completely differently to before. That is why I am scared to tell people I am Gay or Gender-Fluid because I don't want to them to treat me differently. They do the same to my friends as well (one is Pan-Sexual and Gender-Fluid and the other is A-sexual and A-gender).

 

The sodomy laws were laws set around sexual acts that were deemed "crimes against nature/unnatural/immoral". Bestiality and "non traditional" forms of sex were often included in the definition but any sexual act that was deemed unnatural/immoral was considered sodomy, which sometimes included any sex act that was not procreative. Anal and Oral sex are often classed under sodomy.

Back when Homosexuality was criminalised in the UK, there were a lot of misconceptions floating about. This 1950's documentary comes to mind were they warn little Jimmy/John (whatever his name was) about the "strange men" and their "contagious condition". The main theme of the documentary was about how "the gays recruit" and take advantage of young boys. It was often assumed that gay men were paedophiles because of the logic "hey, they're committing one sin, so they must be committing all the sins, after all they clearly have no morality".

I think there was less of a focus on female sexuality because there are still people today who seem to believe lesbians who only sleep with women can't lose their virginity. It really depends on what you class as virginity, but many class it as something that involves male genitalia, and usually male-female sex. Sexual relationships between men were taken more seriously.

Well religion and society were against homosexuality, and often viewed gay men as either predatory, weak or paedophillic.

Masculinity has often be viewed as superior to femininity, and as such is often seen as more desirable. Back when women couldn't vote they were deemed too stupid and that *clearly* they would just pick the "cutest"/most attractive candidate because clearly a woman doesn't know about politics and would pick based on her feelings rather than logic. So how have women gained more power over the years? Well there was a movement were women started to wear trousers for the first time, and now women can wear trousers as much as they please and no one batters an eye because it's seen as normal these days. A man in a dress however...

When a girl or woman does something masculine, people often see it a "world changing" "brave" and "inspiring". Think about all the female empowerment songs/anthems out there. What do they have in common? Power and masculinity. From Jessie J's "Do it like a dude" to Beyonce's "Who run the world? Girls". I think Jessie J's "Do it like a dude" is a perfect example of this. With the main idea of "we can do things just as well as boys can" and "to have power/ be respected we must be assertive and act masculine for people to take us seriously". The idea of "we must act like the ones with power to have power" isn't exactly a new one. "Tomboys" tend to be more accepted than say feminine guys. In fact, they are often celebrated as being "quirky" and "good because they're not bad like regular girls." And it is often encouraged for girls to take an interest in "masculine" topics like STEM and sports as such topics are seen as "better" than more "feminine interests" like decorating or baking. Many girls pride themselves for "not being "girly" and like other girls". Whereas others may have an interest in a "masculine interest" but not hold it against other girls who have more traditionally "feminine interests". Like me, I work in IT. I'm currently on an IT course studying, which would be considered more of a "masculine thing" but I also like baking and I guess the design aspect of the course may be seen as "feminine".

However when a boy or man does something feminine, he is often looked down upon and seen as "weak". Mainly because "feminine interests" are often viewed as less important and therefore less valued. Masculinity is seen as more of a neutral thing than femininity as it has often been used as a means of female empowerment. Whereas femininity hasn't really had that sort of association to it since males have never really done anything feminine as a way of expressing power or trying to gain respect. After all, there's no song called "do it like a woman" and you don't tend to hear guys bragging that they're "just like one of the girls really, not at all like regular guys because regular guys are bad".

Food for thought anyway. Sorry to take the thread off track.

 

I think being gay in high school can be rough, even if you live in a very accepting country. Even if most people are fine with who you are, there will always be a small minority who want to belittle you, mock you, whatever. Kids can be cruel.

After high school, is when things improve considerably. People have matured - well, most - and in workplace environments discrimination of any kind is never tolerated - and unlike school, where attendance is compulsory, a company is not obliged to employ you, so if you bully people, cause trouble, discriminate, and someone files a complaint, they have grounds to give you the boot. Similar in college or uni - you are there by choice, and a college/uni isn't obliged to keep you there.

In general, I'd say the UK is a great place to be gay. It isn't free of homophobia, of course, but I consider myself lucky to live where I do. Western and Northern Europe in general is good - maybe countries like Italy are more homophobic due to the Vatican's influence.

The best country for gay people in Europe? Not sure. I'd say the UK is close but I'd put either the Netherlands or Spain as number one personally. Despite a big majority in Spain still identifying as Catholic, it's extremely progressive and tolerant - unlike Italy or Eastern Europe.

Generally speaking though, if you are a gay person living in the UK, Netherlands, Germany, Spain, France, Ireland, Sweden etc - consider yourself fortunate. Things could be a lot worse.

 

Generally it's a good thing but it's what us English call a post code lottery. Where I live it's legal but not everyone will except it

 

So I'm half Italian half British, so I figured I'd throw in my POV.

Starting of, being out in the UK: I'm very very lucky in that I live in London, have a lot of white privilege and live in a very liberal community. I've never experienced anything I'd see as homophobia personally. However, that doesn't mean it doesn't happen, and as people before me have written here, the UK still experiences a lot of homophobia, especially to the North of the country which tends to be more socially conservative, or outside of larger cities. However, it is a lot better and it's definitely changing with younger people.

In Italy, on the other hand, society is incredibly homophobic. A friend of mine was beaten up at school at the age of 15 for being gay, and from what I gather this isn't an uncommon occurrence. I'm out to my friends in Italy, and they were pretty fine with it - however, it's much easier being a lesbian than being a gay man. And in the words of one of my friends, 'It's fine as long as it's a sexy lesbian.' So. Multiple problems there. And, as with the current debate around the civil union bill, the main issue is centred around children and adoption. One guy asked me, 'It's fine that you're gay. But it's not like you'd want to have kids anyway is it, you're a lesbian.' Needless to say I set him straight (no pun intended). This fits in with the whole Catholic Church thing you guys were talking about.

Out of the two, I don't think anyone would argue with me in saying that Italy is more homophobic than the UK. But that's not to say this is a 'gay mecca', even if I can use my own story as evidence of a great experience.

 

I live in the U.S.A. We have a lot of cool, open-minded people here. We also have a lot of narrow-minded, conservative losers here.
Also, bisexuality is often looked upon as not a real orientation, just used by gay people afraid of coming out. At least I've seen a lot of that.

 

For the US, it just depends on the state/city. We're not as "united" as many other countries are, so the states usually end up with very different laws and social beliefs. The area I live in is pretty liberal and accepting. I don't really have many problems with people here as far as LGBT rights goes. I know several Republicans that are okay with LGBT people, or they at least don't care enough to be against LGBT rights.

Illinois was one of the 11 states that legalized same-sex marriage through legislative processes instead of court rulings. It's also one of the minority of states that protect LGBT people from discrimination. We recently banned conversion therapy for minors.

As far as laws go in my state, it's all pretty good. I can't complain about LGBT rights in Illinois. It's way better than a lot of other parts of the US.

For relationships? There's a fair amount of places to find partners. There's even an openly lesbian couple at my school that holds hands in the halls and kisses. They don't seem to come across many problems, so I guess it's not so bad.

 

Poland is LGBTphobic too. Even if we had open transwoman in parliament and currently for a year have openly gay major of middle-size town. No same sex couples recognition.

 

It really all depends on where you are.

 

Yeah, the posts about Italy resemble Poland a lot. We're also one of those EU countries where homphobia can be displayed openly by MPs .and whatnot, with no consequences.

No same sex rcognition at all, and to change your gender legally, you need to make a court case against your parents.

It's bad enough that I can't even think of transitioning without changing the place I live (my neighbourhood), because I fear literally for my health/life if I was openly trans.

And it doesn't seem to be changing anytime soon with the government openly branding lgbt people second class citizens.