I have 5 nieces and 2 nephews. They are the world to me and they love their space/engineering aunt. I'm out to my parents and my two sisters with these kids. The oldest is 10 and the youngest is 11 months. My one sister has informed her kids that two girls or two boys can get married. I'm not sure how much her two kids actually know about gays but at least they know its a thing and that its ok. My other sister however I doubt has ever told her kids that there are gays in this world. And her kids are homeschooled so they don't get much exposure to the outside world to begin with. The other day during winter break when I was home. I overheard a conversation between a couple of the kids one from each sister's kids. All I heard was my first sister's kid say "Yeah, a girl can marry a girl" and my second sister's kid say "No they can't! That's against the bible" And that brief conversation between a 6 year old and a 10 year old shut me down inside. Especially because it was two kids that are my family and very close to me. Rather than say anything I just stood there quietly doing whatever I was doing. And when my first sister walked in the room, her daughter asked "Mommy can't a girl marry a girl?" And my sister said "yes" and I think my other niece (from my second sis) said "but they are't supposed to" I know they are just kids and don't know that I'm gay and don't know what little things said can hurt so I try not to let it get to me. But it does. I'm afraid that the 10 year old will be grounded in her ways of thinking its wrong the older she gets unless someone lets her know that "hey ya know there's this thing called gays and btw people can have different views and btw this is my view that love is love" I don't feel like its ok for me to talk to her about it. Because I know her mom doesn't agree that being gay is ok. She thinks its a sin. That I'm sinning. She loves me still, but doesn't agree with me. Which is also hurtful to me still, but that's a separate problem. The other problem is a could probably bet my sister also thinks its a choice, and that I might "influence" or "change" her kids if they knew about me or if they thought it was ok to be gay. So I'm guessing that she probably doesn't want them to know. I used to have a gf (For 4 years) whom was very close to the family. My nieces basically called her aunt. But to them she was just a friend of mine, not a gf. (although very strangely my 8 year old niece would say comments like you should hold her hand and you should get married how does she know??? lol) And I was more worried about telling them then than I am now cuz I wanted them to understand who she was and I was also gonna ask this girl to marry me and wanted them to be the flower girls. But now that's not a rush anymore cuz we broke up. Do you think its ok if I talked to my niece? Told her my way of thinking, even if its just to let her know that her mom/dad's way of thinking isn't the only thing out there. Because she's only known what they tell her. I don't wanna force anything on her. I want her to make her own decisions and judgments, but if her mom/dad are the only ones telling her their views then how could she ever know otherwise. If so, then what would I say? How much should I say? Do I tell her about me? (I'm not dating that girl they know anymore so I can't use her as a way to come out to them) Or just tell her about gays in general? And how? Do I sit her down and have a talk? Or do I just try to mention it when situations like the one I mentioned above happen (although I might just freeze up again)? And biggest question of all is do I ask permission first from my sister? What about my other nieces, the younger ones. The 8 year old would probably be 100% ok with gays, she's a very out there girl and open to everything. The 6 year old is a very open hearted loving caring sweet thing that I swear will one day be in the peace corp and would also probably be very open and ok with gays too. If I told her I was gay and explained what that meant she'd probably say ok well I love you still and I'll love your gf. Its the 10 year old that I'm actually most worried about. Thanks for any advice.
This is difficult. Certainly the children of your accepting sister, ask your sister if it's ok to tell them, or ask if she would? The other sister...now that's a problem. In my opinion...and note, it is my opinion, it is ok to confirm that girls can marry girls and boys can marry boys and they do it because they love each other. But also that not everyone agrees with that, and that's ok too. So, sticking with the truth, while not placing their mother in a bad light.
I have two nieces that live with me. One is only 6 months the other is 7. She refers to my boyfriend as my "best friend" we have accidently given each other a peck in front of her and it didn't seem to phase her. I'm not going to tell her, I'm just going to let her figure it out. She asked me if "Patrick was my boyfriend" a couple times, and I said "no". She seems more obsessed with the fact he is American than he is dating me, because she always asks him to take her to Texas with him(not even from Texas). So in my opinion I feel like kids can handle it, but its other kids that can make it difficult; hearing homophobic stuff at school....etc. Recently the province I live in just changed the school curriculum to teach younger kids about homosexuality, and transgendered people, so she is going to learn it this year anyway. My sister was actually against this, and wasn't happy with the changes; same with her stupid ass moron boyfriend, so that is the main reason why I didn't tell her. Because my sister made it pretty verbally clear she didn't want her daughter learning about homosexuals that young. That really hurt because I know my niece wouldn't care I practically raised her.
Does the homeschooling sister know you're gay? If yes, I would start with her and say you overheard her daughter expressing uninformed opinions about gay people. Then, giving her the benefit of doubt, ask where she might have learned that because if you hear it again, you feel you're going to have to correct her. You won't be dismissed as being a sinner. If no, I think coming out to her would be a start. I don't know anything about people and their kids but I think you need to give her a chance to "re-educate" her own kids first and then once you've told her, if things don't change then see above. Either way, I think standing up for and correcting ignorance about any maligned minority is one's duty as an adult.
This is a tricky question. I'm personally against interventions on moral, political and religious matters in child raising. No matter how "wrong" the parent is, it's not your business to teach them values that their parents disagree with. I would not want anyone come and start preaching on my kids about Jesus or Mo or any other story character. Your best bet is to try to raise the issue with their mother and ask her to consider what she tells them. She doesn't have to teach them to accept gays but it would be fair if she at least told that not everyone agree with their point of view.
I have got 3 brothers (18, 14 and 8) and they all know I am bi. The oldest ones where pretty easy to come out to but I was unsure about how to do it with my youngest brother (my mom doesn't know and that's something I wanted to do myself.) My little brother love the computer games ''The Sims'' and everytime I come home to visit we'll play and will build our family. One day I chose to make my character date another woman and marry her, my brother was a bit surprised and asked why I would want to be with a woman instead of a man and I explained to him that my character liked both men and women and could marry both, she just liked this woman most and wanted to start a family with her. He didn't seem to agree much but didn't unsettled by the idea either. My entire family is pretty much atheist/agnostic apart from my stepdad who believes in God and my youngest brother who has an interest in the bible and who believes in Jesus. I know how homophobic religion could turn people so wanted to make sure my brother was well informed about homosexuality before getting any further into religion so I had a midnight chat with him about homosexuality. I asked him how he felt about it and he said he found it 'disgusting' , I asked him how he felt about heterosexual couple kissing and he said he found it 'disgusting too' that he thought kissing was disgusting but that homosexuality was a bit more disgusting to him than straight people. I asked him what he would do if a friend of him was gay and was bullied and he said he would 'help his friend' and that while he couldn't be gay and would kill himself if he was (!!!) he didn't have any problems with having gay friends. We chatted a bit more about different situations and while some part of what he had to say made my heart sink a little I was very glad he was honest with me in his answers. He did admit that he didn't know how he would react if he saw me with a girlfriend but admitted as well that he wasn't sure if he would react better seeing me with a boyfriend. He is young, all of this is confusing for him and I am sure he'll figure it out and will change his mind with time. I made sure to tell him throughout the conversation that there was no 'good' or 'bad' answers to my questions and that it was 'okay' for him to feel the way he felt, that he didn't have to like gays and didn't have to be supportive of LGBT people but that all humans should have the same rights regardless of their skin colour, gender or orientation and he agreed with that. I think he just can't imagine being gay, he may even think that's 'wrong' or 'unnatural' but I also know he is fine with other people doing what they want as long as it makes them happy and he doesn't have to take part in it and I think that's fair enough. I think kids can very easily understand that people may think differently to them and that it's fine as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. I would probably sit down with your niece and talk to her about Jesus, marriage, gay marriage and see what she says, let her answer, listen to what she has to say and tell her it's fine to think the way she does but that some people have different opinion about it, that YOU think differently. Explain to her that if two people are in love and happy together and want to start a family that there is no reason why they shouldn't be able to and that love is love. If she mentions the bible ask her if Jesus would rather see those two people sad not to be able to be together or if he would rather see them happy together ? Ask her if she would think you were a bad person if you married a woman or if she would be happy for you as you would be happy. Just explain it to her in an age-appropriate way. Don't dismiss the bible, don't make her mother look like a bad person or her feel bad for how she feels but challenge her lightly by making her see things in a new light. It's easy to dislike gay people when you know none, it's harder to want to dismiss them rights and happiness when some are friends of yours. If you link people she loves to the concept of homosexuality she is much more likely to be receptive and realize that she would rather see you happy with a woman than feeling crap alone. I think my brother was a little scared that I would upset him by telling him he was wrong in the way he thought. I think the fact that he realized that I supported his rights to have an opinion (even though it differed from mine) made me win a few points and made him more flexible to see that homosexuality wasn't that bad and that not being comfortable with it (yet) didn't make him a bad person. Just be open with your niece and don't undermine her beliefs and opinions as well as the ones of her mother ( as tempting as it may be) and you'll be fine. Kids are incredibly understanding.
