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Embarrassing problem with using the restroom

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Void Puppy, Feb 12, 2016.

  1. Void Puppy

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    This has been a problem since forever.

    For some reason, I can't use public restrooms. Like, no matter how much I need to go I can't do it. It's like an actual fear I have. Unless I'm completely alone, I physically can't go, my body just won't let me.

    It's been a problem since kindergarten. When I was in first grade, I pissed myself multiple times because I was simply too afraid to use public restrooms.

    In high school now, it's getting in the way of things. I go all day needing to pee but waiting 8 hours until I get home.

    Also, not sure if it's related, but I can't use urinals either. I've never used one, although I have tried once or twice when completely alone. It just won't come out. Same happens if I try and pee standing up in a normal toilet. I can only go sitting down.

    Throughout my life I've had reoccurring dreams every couple years about public restrooms. They're always the same. I'll really need to pee, and I go into a public restroom that is the size of a gymnasium. There will be hundreds of different kinds of toilets, and no stalls. They'll all just be out in the open. I'll try and go, but there will be other people in there with me as well. This is also even more embarrassing, but there is always the element of arousal with those dreams for some reason. Same with the few times I tried to use a urinal in an empty public restroom. I ended up getting an erection from trying (which obviously didn't help).

    I don't really know what to do, or what it means. But I can't stay this way for the rest of my life, it's a bigger problem than it might sound. :bang:
     
  2. brightbutterfly

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    Hi there, Void Puppy.

    You're not the only one who is or have been afraid of using the restroom. A good step for you, I think, is to try to identify all the factors that makes you afraid of this specific thing. And if you can try to find solutions that will make these factors seem less, that is great too.

    I'll share some of my experiences with this issue, even though it might not be quite the same as your experiences. For as long as I can remember I've had OCD-like tendencies with locking doors, and there have been periods where I've memorized the way I would lock the door in certain restrooms. I memorized the way I would lock the door because I feared locking myself in a restroom/stall and having no way to get out. I also used to think it was very hard if I knew that there were others who were using the restroom at the same time.

    I talked to my doctor about these things, and I remember that he asked me what I would do if I absolutely needed to go to the restroom and couldn't hold myself much longer. My answer was that I would go but I wouldn't spend as much time trying to check how the lock works. After that appointment with my doctor I experienced once that I had such trouble figuring out how the lock worked that I asked someone who was present in the restroom how it worked, and she showed me, and then I managed OK with it. One more thing is that if I had the opportunity to let the faucet run, then I did that while trying to concentrate on my task.

    I found this article: https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/get-help-now/anxiety-information/anxiety-disorders/toilet-phobia/ among others, when I searched for "toilet phobia" and "fear of public toilets". Maybe it can help you in the further process of finding out how to lessen your fear?
     
  3. Void Puppy

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    Thanks for the advice!

    I haven't really ever been able to narrow down what it is that makes me so unbelievably uncomfortable.

    To tell the truth, if I /absolutely/ had to go, I'd try and get home as soon as possible I guess. I've never been in that situation except when I was little (and my response was to just hold it in until I peed myself). Right now, I'll have days where I have to go so badly it's hard to walk, but I stay that way for 6-7 hours until I can get home instead of use a public toilet.

    I wish I could pin it down. It's a completely irrational fear and I don't have anything to blame it on :/
     
    #3 Void Puppy, Feb 12, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2016
  4. brightbutterfly

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    Another thing I did was that I told two of my study mates about how I felt afraid/embarrassed about using the restroom, but not specifically why I felt that way. They looked out for me if they sensed that I was becoming anxious.

    I don't know if it's an option for you to tell one of your friends about your issue (it doesn't have to be detailed, just that you're afraid). I also don't know how you would feel about telling a friend about it, but if you did, you would give someone the opportunity to look out for you.

    I hope you manage to pin it down at some point!
     
  5. Gay1234

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    Sure I am the same unless I go into a cubicle. I think it's called a shy bladder. Am I wrong? Please let me know if I'm wrong :slight_smile:
     
  6. brightbutterfly

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  7. Zuzu

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    You don't always need to identify the cause, since most fears and phobias are self-reinforcing. When you avoid a potentially anxiety-inducing situation you get a rush of good feeling because you "dodged a bullet". However, you then have an even more difficult time the next time the situation arises.

    I'm in an anxiety and depression therapy group and we are currently reading The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmond Bourne. The basic idea behind cognitive behavior therapy is to confront the thing that makes you anxious in small steps that you can handle. Each time you can do that it becomes less anxiety inducing.

    Now, please take my advice with a grain of salt, and if things are really difficult, you should find a professional to help you. I'm not any kind of expert, except at being anxious and afraid, but I am working on getting past it.
     
  8. ClosetedSean

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    I have this exact same problem, it's like an anxiety thing. I feel incredibly uncomfortable in public toilets and no matter how hard I try or grunt, I can't do it most of the time when there are other people around. I always go into the cubicles nowadays, I used to only ever use urinals when I was younger, because I'm a very private person and have an underlying fear of someone peaking on me. It doesn't make sense though since I'm gay and wouldn't mind other guys seeing me do the toilet.

    Even sometimes when the toilets are completely empty I still can't go because I'm constantly listening out for someone coming in and as soon as that happens, I can't pee for the life of me. I've found that sitting down does help but even then I can't mostly pee either. When I really need a pee, my belly bloats up a bit because of a full bladder and it can be very painful or discomforting when digging into my belt and waistband, making me need a pee even more and it just makes it worse when I'm even more desperate and still can't pee. It's as though it's all building up behind my penis but it's not going anywhere, and sometimes the pressure is just too much that I feel I'm about to explode. In that condition if someone where to punch me in the stomach, I'd either pee myself or my bladder will pop.

    It might be to do with being heard, I find it embarrassing to hear my own trickle because it sounds so quiet compared to other people's who are much louder when they pee. It makes me sound quite feminine actually, and I am I guess, because I don't make as big splashes as the other guys. It's not just this though, even if I have the sense that someone is waiting on me or I have to pee within a certain time frame, I can't do it. This all started in cinemas where I could never do it because I used to go to the toilet after the film and they were quite crowded, so I felt anxious in a way because of how loud and busy everything was, and there was me in a cubicle grunting and groaning because I couldn't even squeeze out a drip. I used to blame it on the sweet popcorn and Pepsi (really makes you pee) but it's definitely something else since this has extended to everywhere else apart from in my own home. I sometimes have difficulty at home though, especially if I feel as though I have to pee within a particular time limit or can't when someone's walking about that's putting me off, like they're about to barge in or something.

    I know, it's silly but I think it's linked to some sort of social anxiety. I had a very weak bladder when I was younger though and was infamous for always needing a pee but I couldn't always ever do one. I used to have issues too with peeing myself in school or wetting the bed. However, like you, I do have some sort of erotica towards all this. I like the feeling of needing to pee, it's the pressure you can feel in your lower belly that I like and I do like the idea of being exposed in a public toilet, just like how you described when trying to use the urinal. It's almost thrilling to try something new, especially when alone in a public toilet.
     
  9. Robert

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    What about disabled toilets?
     
  10. Lifeafter30

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    Most of the dreams I have regarding public bathrooms involve a room crammed with a maze of stalls containing urinals and toilets with blood smeared on the floor and wall, urine and excrement filled toilets overflowing, and even bits of flesh scattered around the floor. If anyone's ever seen the ending of the Jim Belushi film the Principal from 1988 when he's in a maze of shower stalls evading criminals, that's sort of the setup of the types of bathrooms I dream about. Confined, claustrophobic types of spaces.
     
  11. BMC77

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    When I was a teenager, I never used restrooms at school, either, past washing hands. I had amazing bladder capacity, possibly helped by me being careful with fluid intake, particularly at breakfast. (Probably not the healthiest thing...) And yes, I can remember pissing my pants more than once in first grade.

    No idea how or why I got that way.

    Restrooms elsewhere were sometimes viable, though.

    For some reason I got better as an adult. I still have issues--particularly with urinals. If I'm the only guy at the urinals, it usually works.

    One idea I've heard suggested is trying to run multiplication tables through your mind while trying to pee.
     
  12. scub

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    this happens to me for as far as i can remember (i'm in my 30s now) and i can't pee in public places when there are people around me. there are times that i have, but have to use the toilet stall for a bit more privacy and even then it sometimes takes a bit to pee.

    it's a bit annoying as there were times when i traveled with friends on road trips and they can just pop open the car door and practically pee out the window.. sometimes i wish i could do that! :wink:
     
  13. Libertino

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    Truly fascinating to read all these responses; how did you all fare in college? Or did you not live in the dorms?

    I always have had an aversion to public bathrooms growing up and still do. I'm notoriously "pee shy", but my issue is getting it started. Once it does, then it's not going to stop, even if someone else walks into the bathroom. I avoid urinals most of the time, though--even if no one's there it can still feel too "exposed" and I won't be able to go.

    Nonetheless, despite avoiding the men's room almost entirely in high school, once I got to college I was essentially forced to overcome my aversion by the fact that my living situation in the dorm consisted of a single bathroom at the end of the hall for all 10 guys on my floor (with three stalls or "cubicles" as they say in the UK, as well as showers). This public situation made it so that I either used that bathroom or I didn't go to the bathroom at all; I had no choice. Despite being anxious about it at first, it eventually led me to relax a little with the idea of using a bathroom while someone else was in it (of course I still preferred if someone was using the shower so it would cancel out any noise I was making--and when I got the chance to use the single-occupancy bathroom in the common room, I would relish that).

    This is going to sound corny, but one of the ways I got over it was to take a deep breath and focus on one particular thing in my mind (like a tune or a memory or something) in an attempt to completely tune out whatever else was going on in the bathroom. That would allow me to relax enough that I could start to go (and like I said, once I did, I was usually fine).
     
  14. BMC77

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    I just held it until vacation. It was a bit painful at the end, and took all afternoon to pee when getting home, but at least no public restroom was needed. :lol:

    OK...more seriously, as for my, my college year was only 1 year, due to a family situation. During that 1 year, I lived at home. And it's not unlikely I'd have lived at home the full 4 years had my career lasted more than a year.

    That said...I'm not sure how much of a problem I'd have had. I was strange in that I never could use the bathrooms in high school. However, I could and did use restrooms elsewhere. Not 100% reliably, but it could and did happen. Including, I think, the ones at my college. Not sure if I ever used their restrooms as a student, but I'm pretty sure I did use them at some point when about that age. (The institution was local, and I was there quite a bit even before a formal student. Indeed, we even had a field trip to that college when we were in elementary school to see a play.) So...I have to think if I'd lived in a dorm, I could have survived. Worst case scenario: arrange to go someplace quieter when I needed to pee. For example, the library. (Or, more accurately, a restroom in the library. I think librarians would frown down on a guy taking a leak in the middle of the stacks.)

    Actually, the bigger fear--and one reason why living at home was preferred--was showering. I assumed the showers were zero privacy, like gyms have, where one would shower in the open, more or less, and could potentially be seen naked by any other guy in the dorm. At that age, I'd have died before letting another guy seem me naked.
     
    #14 BMC77, Feb 26, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2016
  15. Anderson

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    I'm the same way, I could be in the restroom alone somewhere in public (school, restaurant, etc) and still can't go :tears:
     
    #15 Anderson, Feb 26, 2016
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