And he went to his grave a virgin...

I have made this recommendation several times and whether or not you want to regard it is up to you. Take small steps! Branch out into "safer" things, whatever those might be to you, and then take larger steps. These don't even have to do with sex and sex drive. They are all about experiencing life and finding the little things that make us happy.

Also, continue to search for therapeutic services, since you mention your depression and mood issues often in the posts you author. Remember, "where there's a will, there's a way." I know that your health plan has some limits, but keep looking. Therapy is not at all easy but, with competent therapists, it can be good for people who need it.

 

Being a Virgin Isn't a bad thing. but there will always been someone there for you

 

It doesn't seem like you accomplished nothing, though.

As a fellow introvert, I know that at first, just putting a foot out the door IS the major accomplishment. You went to an event, and you talked to people. That is not something anyone should belittle, least of all yourself!

And sometimes the thing about steps is that they need to be repeated a couple of times to yield success. Yes, the general progression for "meeting friends" is kind of like this:
1) Find out where like minded people hang out
2) Go to these places or events
3) Talk to people
4) Make friends!

But the thing is... you can't just to them in one fell swoop. Between each of these steps is a bit of an unspoken "Congratulate on getting this far and repeat a few times until you are used to this step!"


Kind of like how "getting fit" is a progression of going to the gym and getting fit, but no one is fit after their first trip to the gym. In fact, most people are rather sore and exhausted. That's not a sign that the gym doesn't work for them. Just that they're exercising muscles they haven't before.


So... think of the most successful outing you've been on yet. One where you enjoyed at least the atmosphere and the people seemed friendly. Maybe it's time to patronse that one a couple times more. Just with the goal of "getting used to it". It might feel like a step on the place, but in this case, a step on the place IS a step ahead!

 

Well... for what it's worth, it took me a couple of years before I had something to show for it.

I mean, I had some friends from before, which stuck around. So that was good. But for the first two years of being out I didn't have a single date or a single close new friend. Just many people I was on a somewhat friendly footing with.

And then I did meet a guy I got close with and eventually ended up dating, but that took me about another year. And from there we still ended up waiting a year before sex was on the table. And two more years before we actually appeared in public as boyfriends.

So all in all, from coming out to actually feeling like "having something to show for it" was quite a time investment. Which was occasionally frustrating. But in retrospect it also feels like it flew by. And looking back, I DO think it was time well spent. Even the moping at home served a purpose.



But OK, more practical:
First off: don't lose hope on that one place. The person who left might get his act together. The organisation might find someone that organises new things. Just keep updated on what's happening there. Maybe even reach out to the former organiser with a supportive note thanking him for the previous events and telling you would very much love to stay updated.

Is there any sort of volunteering you could do? Gets you in touch with other people, and some even offer a minor compensation for time or resources invested.

Apart from that... does it cost much to enroll in evening classes of some nature or other? It might be an opportunity to both meet people and get a new skill that would help you in the search for bigger and better jobs?

 

if you have been blown or blown someone, fucked or been fucked by someone, then you're not a virgin...so it's not vanilla regular sex, sex is sex..

 

I still feel that way at times. I've finally had to accept that anything I might need or want in this life, everyone else does too -- and they seem to need it more. People talk about having friends and family to look to for support but I've never seen that to be the case. In the end they have their own problems which are much more important than mine. Life can be a giant catch-22 some days. You can get what you need only when you don't need it. I know that's not exactly reality but it sure feels like it, some days.

I tried that once. Then I woke and saw the hole I had dug for myself (and tried to live in). Please don't do that. The world's still out there, regardless.

PC

 

Self deprivation, thats the crux right there. Generally sends people running.

 

OK, so the community building thing might fall through because the person has left their post... so, especially if it's a not-for-profit, or charity thing, could you offer to arrange something, or volunteer to help, or join a committee? Probably not your thing as an introvert but it would do at least 2 things - make those events happen, help you meet people, and it would be great to put on your CV...

People respond positively to confidence, and that is something you definitely don't seem to have. Can you fake it for a little bit? Stick a smile on, take a deep breath and kind of act a part, just occasionally... and in time it might feel a little easier, and the benefits it will bring you will build your confidence, and after a while you won't need to fake it.

A super psychiatrist once explained depression to me, and how once you are depressed you start thinking negative thoughts, and that releases more of the depression chemicals (or suppresses the happy ones, can't remember) in your body, which leads to more depressive thoughts etc...

The good think about this cycle is it works the other way too... She had me keep a diary every day, write down the good things that had happened, however small they were, as well as to try to do something nice for myself every day (and that includes sitting on your step and tilting your face back into the sun, feeding the ducks, whatever gives you the tiniest bit of happy chemical). Then every night when you look back over your day's positive list, you are giving yourself a little top up of happy chemicals. It's not going to happen over night, but bit by bit you replenish the happy chemicals in your body.

I am a scientist so that was explained for the 'lay person', my apologies!

 

BMC, I think that you should seek therapeutic assistance, sooner than later, especially with the self-deprecation. A lot of people make self-deprecating comments, but it's all a matter of how much. I think that the forum is helpful for venting and voicing our concerns, but the discontinuous nature of the posts, without interpersonal exchange, can only provide limited help.

I would strongly agree with CharacterStudy's post that depression is much like a cycle that feeds on itself. That's why it's treacherous and needs to be addressed with professional help.

 

Yes, I would second that need for professional help. I think, though I am no expert, that Cognitive Behaviour Therapy would be worth a try. It requires work. You need to do the homework. It's not going to work if you don't, but if you do the work it will pay off in time. CBT is often offered on-line or via telephone for a lower cost alternative.