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Gay man, but find this 1 female attractive..feeling confused

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by SubZero, Jan 29, 2016.

  1. SubZero

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    I'm a gay male. However, there's this one specific woman in my class that I find extremely attractive. Like..she is absolutely gorgeous! I actually found myself getting slightly aroused when she was up in front of the classroom giving a speech. Even my straight guy friends go crazy over her and I actually do too lol.

    So anyways, I find it a little confusing since I'm generally only attracted to males. I don't even consider myself bisexual since she is pretty much the only female I feel attracted to.

    Does this mean anything? and do gay people often feel that way sometimes to the opposite sex (and vice versa to straight people feeling that way to the same sex)?
     
  2. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

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    Well, all I can say is that sexuality is seldom 100% black or white, I think. If you think she's cute, well, that's just harmless. You can still be gay and you're still perfectly valid. *hug*
     
    #2 Invidia, Jan 29, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2016
  3. omgwhatishappen

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    I agree with this ^.

    Sexuality is a spectrum, and rarely are individuals STRICTLY heterosexual or homosexual, just the same as 'bisexuality' has its own varying levels of preference. It sounds like you essentially "100%" gay, but have a very unique woman that suits your fancy. Does that mean you aren't gay? Meh, highly doubtful. Does it mean you are bisexual? Again, meh, doubtful. Unless you went through the courting/chasing process and actually had sex with her, then you'd probably be more on the 'gay side' of the bisexual spectrum.

    For me, I really enjoy looking at women. I think they're really pretty, stylish, and graceful. This is more of an appreciation than a sexual desire these days. With that said, I don't chase them around or try to hook up with them.

    I hope this helps.

    xoxo,
    Trevor
     
  4. scxred

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    I remember an older post of you saying youre straight but gay bondage porn turns you on despite the male body not turning you on. When did you start identifying as gay?
     
  5. SubZero

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    I agree with you both. Thanks for your opinions.

    Ah I remember that. Well, tbh I was just extremely confused of my sexuality a year ago (I think that's when I made that post). I slowly discovered that it wasn't just gay bondage that turns me on - it was the entire male physique. Looking back, I could see the denial in my earlier posts since I didn't want to admit to myself that I could possibly be gay. Turns out I am and I've learned to just accept myself. I was a coward...

    No problem asking. :slight_smile:
     
  6. guitar

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    I'm gay, but every so often I do find women attractive. Like the others have said, sexuality isn't black and white. You can totally be "mostly gay," but still have a thing for the odd girl. Most of my gay friends aren't gold stars and have tried sleeping with women in the past. Some even liked it, some didn't.

    There are a lot of Yaoi animes that go the other way, two straight guys who go gay for "that one guy." I know quite a few straight guys who feel this way. An extremely strong attraction to women, but would consider going gay for the "right guy" - or at very least try it out once.

    Just remember this: sexuality for most people can shift around a bit. There are moments when I wouldn't give a good looking girl a second look, and other times when I'm in the right mood I find them attractive. It all just depends. Just because you label yourself as something doesn't mean you need to be constrained by it. Just be a human being with attractions and take it from there.
     
  7. omgwhatishappen

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    ^ definitely words of wisdom, especially the note about "shift"ing. It might be easier and more practical/realistic to understand as a fluid individual. There is nothing set in stone, but always changing and shifting depending on a plethora of circumstances.
     
  8. NamesNotJake

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    Sexuality (and gender etc) is a sliding scale, not a dichotomy.
    I consider myself pretty far to the gay side, but I still had a crush on a girl in high school. Maybe she was that one girl for me, and this girl for you. Nothing wrong with that!
     
    #8 NamesNotJake, Jan 29, 2016
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  9. aurora26

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    Hm, I guess that I have an experience in terms of exception in attraction, except that I am female. I'm not sure if my story helps...

    I suspected that I was gay since High School. I just never really accepted it, and tried to like guys even though I had crushes on girls. For guys I just wasn't attracted to them at all, and definitely felt weird dating or even kissing them so I never went far doing either and resisted facing the fact that I was probably lesbian. I had an intense crush on my female best friend the whole time during school, and was really jealous when she was around her boyfriend.

    There was one guy who I fell in love with though after I left school, so I thought that maybe I had been wrong or maybe bi, and I didn't bother thinking about my sexuality because I just wanted to be with him and it was a long relationship. He was the one person I thought I would spend my life with.

    When we broke up... which I can't even describe how terrible it felt, I hadn't been attracted to any other guy previous, and haven't been since. But I definitely had and have been to women. I identify as lesbian (still accepting myself) however he definitely was an exception. I think that it can happen. I can't really see myself with a guy again. I can tell when a guy is attractive, but there's no attraction, and intimacy feels kind of weird and not pleasant at all... I can't bring myself to be completely intimate with a guy again. It's just not something that feels right to me. Truthfully, not even intimacy like prolonged hugging and definitely not kissing. When I think of a partner, all I can think of is having a girlfriend.

    So... From my experience, I think that sometimes it just happens. I try not to let it invalidate my sexuality. I'm not bi because... well, it was just one person. Although, I think it must be a rare occurrence. I don't think it means anything other than sometimes certain people can be an exception, for an unknown reason... It's very true that sometimes it happens to straight people, sometimes making an exception for someone of the same gender.

    Just be honest to yourself and let yourself feel whatever comes naturally. I don't think it invalidates your identity. Well, actually, I'm trying not to let it do that to mine, so I'm working on the same advice (*hug*)
     
    #9 aurora26, Jan 29, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2016