I have never struggled to accept my sexuality. I have always and only been attracted to girls since I was young. It felt natural to me. It was until later that I realise it's not the norm to have same sex attraction.
I spent the first 27 years of my life considering myself nothing more than a 'normal' straight guy. In my mid-twenties, I ended up going into recovery for my alocohol addiction. After about two years of consistent self-acceptance work, I finally was able to recognize that I was repressing many aspects of my 'authentic' self. My own sexuality may have been the most hidden and buried aspect of my 'true' self. As I began to open up to this part of me, I immediately began to deny it. I was totally fine with other people being gay, but when it came to me - NO WAY. I went through many different emotional waves: internalized homophobia, I fervently tried to reinforce my heterosexuality, I felt shame, guilt, embarrassment, anger, and lots of fear. After the intense emotions began to settle, I began to feel more comfortable in my body and in my mind that I ever have. I have a new freedom and happiness today, because I accept myself for who I am. More over, I began to experiment with all the 'things' that I would never let myself do, because I had always just been 'straight.' I started painting my nails, wearing eyeliner + mascara, and treating my body with the respect it deserves. I am healthier today - mentally and physical - than I have ever been before. This forum helped me feel comfortable with myself. Thank you all so much xoxo, trevor P.S. Lex, I loved your story. That is awesome.
I knew boys and girls were attractive at 3 to 4. My first experiences were same sex. I'll show you mine you show me yours young and curious both sexes. Sexually with same sex. I beat myself with shame on same sex because of the mindset of the culture I grew up in then. I would say about 20 I quit giving a shit what anyone thinks and didn't care anymore. I wouldn't change that my first love, deeply close friend, and partner was the same sex.
I guess it wasn't until I was like 45. I have known in my mind since I was about 10, but I have been in denial about it. I had my first experience with another guy when I was around 14. I have only had a couple of other experiences since, so basically my life has been hell. I have recently come out to about six people so far. I am so miserable about the whole mess and I wish I could just be happy. So how? I guess by looking in the mirror and saying that I was gay with tears rolling down my face. When? When I decided to tell my friend in December of 2015. The fact that I was ready to tell a friend was my indication that I had come out to myself.
It wasn't until after I had kissed & messed around in bed with my best friend. Like months after - weeks of "What are we doing?" "This isn't us" "this is wrong". We both knew inside that really we are gay (or bi), but didn't let that be a visible option. Then finally one day it all came down to a skype call with her where I remember my mind shifted and said "Ya know what, I'm lesbian, and I love my best friend, and I'm ok with that" And that was also the same day we officially started our relationship. (which sadly ended after 4 years)
I came out to myself as bisexual when I was a freshman in high school. I came out as genderfluid my junior year, and I came out as a trans male about 5 months ago.
That hits the nail on the head for me as well. Even before I really considered the notion I was gay, I was 100% behind LGBT people and argued on their behalf in debates when Canada was considering gay marriage around 2005. But me being gay? No way bro, that would be so weird. Right? RIGHT?!
