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I came out but don't feel better

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by sunshine360, Jan 18, 2016.

  1. sunshine360

    sunshine360 Guest

    Hi all.

    As my profile says, I have came out to a few friends and some family members. While that did make me feel better to an extent, I still don't really feel comfortable with my orientation. I have trouble admitting that I'm gay and I just regret telling them somewhat. I don't know if this is normal or not. Has anyone else felt like this?
     
  2. Riyuzaki

    Riyuzaki Guest

    Yes. Felt like this for 3 months after first coming out to my friend. It was a strange feeling, like you knew it did you good, but you don't feel any better anyway. I think the fact we didnt talk about it for 3 months "helped". Then i did a "second coming out" to her and now i feel so effin great.
     
  3. xenu

    Full Member

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    I can relate. I too came out to some family in late November, but have not really progressed in terms of coming out since. A part of me does kind of regret it, even it was a huge moral boost at the time. It almost feels like I would need a constant stream of validation to cope.
     
  4. Cort

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I think it's perfectly normal to still not be comfortable about your orientation even after you've told someone. I told my mom around Christmas. While it felt very empowering to tell someone the truth for once, I'm still not comfortable enough to tell any other family, friends, or coworkers.

    In order to keep such an authentic part of yourself a secret from others (or even from yourself) for so long, you have to build up some pretty high mental walls. Once the walls have been built and fortified, it's hard to knock them down.

    Coming out to yourself and someone you know is an awesome first step at accepting who you really are. The process of learning how to be accepting of your true self rather than feeling shameful about who you are is just that - a process. It won't happen over night, but as long as you keep moving forward one inch at a time I believe you will certainly get there.
     
  5. Outboy

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    North East England
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Even though I have just come out to my brother and friends and always accepted myself as gay, the thought of getting close to anyone still makes me feel uncomfortable.
    You shouldn't regret telling anyone as its now out there and they may be able to help you in what is a very long process.
     
  6. sunshine360

    sunshine360 Guest

    Thank you for all your replies. I know I suffer from some internalized homophobia, so I will have to work on that, but it is a process. It's good to know that I'm not alone.
     
  7. RyeTheDauphin

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Bisexual
    I feel the same. I came out to my family and a few friends in October and spent a week hating myself because of it, and I'm still terrified by the prospect of coming out to anyone else. I guess the best thing you can do is give it time, acclimatize yourself by exploring your sexuality and talking more about it to the people who know and hopefully you'll become more comfortable with yourself over time.