I just need someone to listen.

Hey, take a deep breath, it'll be okay. We all go through rough patches in life but I won't pretend to know exactly what you're going through, all I can say is that things will get better. You just have to trust that. (*hug*)

Feel free to message me if you need to.

 

I am so sorry to hear about this. You are a wonderful person so hang in there. Everything will be ok but all you need to know is that there are people in this world who care about you and that I think should be your will to pull through this. Drop me a message if you need help. And crying is a good thing. It was probably welling up inside you since the last time you cried and then your body decided to let it all out. I have went through very rough patches and you were there for me, you are one of the kindest people I have ever talked to so I'll be here for you. Trust me on this one, you will be ok no matter what.

Drop me a message if you need to,
TheBiBoy

 

(*hug*)

 

Hey FoxEars (I love your name btw) I can hear you are feeling quite overwhelmed right now by your feelings.

It sounds like this all happened when you werent doing or thinking about anything else. I know you only wanted someone to listen but ill give some advice too while im here. Maybe next time you start to feel down you could distract yourself in someway, like watching a movie you like.

May I ask what has happened for you in the past few years? You mentioned it in your post and it sounds like it has been a difficult time for you and maybe talking about it will help.

I know that you posted this a few hours ago so im hoping that you feel at least a bit better now which just shows that feelings always change from bad back to good. (*hug*)

 

Hey, many of us have been there. I'm sorry for what you're going through.
More hugs.(&&&)(*hug*)
Things are going to get better. It really will.

 

You are dealing with real life now. The overwhelming sadness is natural, on the sense that you are not the only one who ever felt this way. I did many times when loved ones where on a hospital, in danger, sick, and then I had to face the reality of this life : That it ends, that none of us won't be around forever.

I'm sure your Grandad loved you very much, and he enjoyed telling you guys all those stories. I remember my grandfathers too, who had passed away. One of them was a teacher, and also he painted natural landscapes full of color. I remember the energy he used as he was bringing his creations to life, and to watch him painting in silence got indeed something very intimate : I was the only kid being allowed on the studio, because I was so quiet. I wanted him to paint my portrait, but we didn't lived on the same city, I grew up and forgot about my wish, so I never got a painting by my grandad... However the memories of the studio, of his noisy breathing and his trembling hands, the memory of the way he smelt, of his voice... All that is still on my memory, and I will take it with me. Everytime I think about those memories, I bring back my grandad from death. He is alive inside of me.

I think you are growing up and facing how everything really is. It hurts when you finally realize some truth of life. They educate us to be somehow dependent on any external source of love, and when we are on our own we must feel lonely. But you are never lonely : There is someone who is keeping you company day and night, someone who cares and loves you very much. You are strong, but right now, through the pain you feel, you are growing stronger. How do I know you are strong? Because your heart is capable of suffering because of the perceived lack of tenderness, which is a sign of your sensibility, and the one who is sensitive is also strong : You need to feel the hurt of others to have a motivation to stand up and fight for them. It's not easy to see this connection.

I am not a robot of the internet, but a human being made of flesh and blood who just had his cup of coffee and will try to work a bit in a few minutes. I do also feel alone, but I'm way older than you, and after a while the pain I felt (that pain you are feeling now) became something else, through becoming familiar with it. The kind of pain we are talking about never remains the same. And never goes away... But you know what... That pain is what makes us all human.

I wish I could travel wherever you are and give you a hug, and then dry your tears. We would drink a cup of coffee or tea together, and I would listen. I was once you... You are not alone.

 

I can hear you are having a very hard time right now (*hug*)

I have never lost anyone in my close family so I dont think i can be much help. Its really good that you are remembering the good times that you spend with him at the park. I wish that we could turn back time too so that you could spend more time with him. (*hug*)

Ok i can hear you dont respect most of your family which is understandable in that situation. It must be hard. You dont need to love your parents if they are horrible to you. Do they know that you feel hurt when they make comments like that? Some times talking about things can help a lot.

When I went to school there were so many horrible people who were (and still are) ignorant and self obsessed. This was a big issue for me when i was in year 10 at school so much that i saw a counselor. She said something to me that really helped, it was "What other people say and do is none of your business.". I know it sounds strange but if they want to be dicks then its their life they are ruining, they will end up pushing all their friends away once their friends see who they really are. That quote also applies to your family as well.

You said that they rip your friends apart. What do you mean by that?

It is hard to lose contact with a best friend. You said that you miss her terribly, could you get back into contact with her? I think it would be a really good thing especially since she has been so supportive of you. Sometimes a persons family isnt always biological sometimes its our friends.

You dont need to be sorry i can hear it has been really difficult for you to talk about it this much so thank you for that. The more you tell us the more we can help.

I can really relate to the feelings of things not getting better. I will say this though even though you dont believe it things will get better. Ill be honest you are going though a lot of shit right now which makes things really hard but before all of this you were better. Feelings change never forget that, they always change. You just have to wait as horrible as it is.

I am quite worried about you especially with what you are going though and your thoughts around that. Im wondering if it would be helpful if you talked to a psychologist about this? Even if you dont want to and dont see the point please just do it for me and the other people in this thread supporting you as you can tell we are worried about you. And although i dont think that things will stay this bad for you forever if it did whats the harm in going and talking to a psychologist? There isnt any.

Im sorry that you have to be in such a bad situation (*hug*)

 

Its really admirable of you to stand up to the bullys. You said that you also comforted them. If standing up to them ends up hurting you then maybe it would be best to only comfort your friends. Its really good that you help your friends like that.

I can understand that you are worried about the confidentiality of it all. I was too but trust me they dont and arent allowed to tell anyone. If you do go and talk to one (Which i hope you do) you can even ask them about confidentiality and duty of care (Like when they legally have to tell someone which is only when things get really bad). Im glad at least you are on here to talk to us.

Im wondering if there is an online counseling service in England. I know in Australia there are quite a few where you can email them or go on a webchat thing. Maybe you could do that if you feel any worse. Of course you could also ask them about confidentiality and duty of care too.

I just did some googling and found this website called get connected Could you promise me that if you feel bad again that you will go on there and talk to someone for me?

 

Ok thank you (*hug*)

How are you feeling right now?

 

Hi, FoxEars. Have a big hug. (*hug*) I'm sorry to hear you've been having a rough time.
Hope you'll fel better soon. xx

 

Its really good that you were feeling a bit better after distracting yourself with some art work. Maybe you could use your art as an outlet for your pain. I know that i have done some (very bad) art as an outlet before and it has helped maybe it will help you too. Maybe you could find other distractions. How else could you distract yourself? I think it would be a good idea to make a list of things that bring you joy, then when you feel down you can do some of those things to make you feel a bit better.

Its not good that you feel like you are plunging back into the same dark hole though. (*hug*)

You mentioned depression. Have you gone to see a doctor or a psychologist about that? Was that diagnosed by a medical professional? I have depression and its horrible I really wish that it didnt exist and that no one ever had or has to go through it. (*hug*)

 

Its really good that you have been trying to do more activities that you enjoy. One thing that might work is having a set time each day where you do something you enjoy. Or just putting something that you enjoy into your day somewhere. Sometimes there are lots of other things in your life that have to be done first but you still need time for yourself.

When i was in my final year of school last year i always watched a tv show straight after i got home from school. You can study a lot better when you are more motivated and happier. You could even use the activity that you like as a bribe for yourself. Like you do x amount of this and you do the activity.

Now i dont want to be rude at all but sometimes im not the best at wording things so im sorry if i come across as rude. As i said in another post i have depression, its horrible.

A few years ago in about year 10 at school, i felt sad a lot of the time and thought i had depression. I told one of my friends who basically told me that i didnt. He was right a mental health nurse even agreed. Then at the end of last year when i got depression it was so much worse but since i hadnt felt it before i just assumed that in year 10 was as bad as i could feel. What im trying to say is that you might not have depression, its really easy to convince yourself of something especially having an illness because almost all of the symptoms of depression are normal in people for small amounts of time.

Now at the same time im also not going to say that you dont have depression because i dont know how you feel and im not qualified to say you do or dont. If you feel like you do have depression it would be best to talk to someone because it can help you feel a lot better trust me. I will just say though that non-stop sadness and losing motivation and enthusiasm for things that you like doing are both symptoms of depression.

You sound like you are in a difficult situation there, I can hear you are very worried and concerned about your friends safety. You need to remember though that they are independent of you and that what other people say and do is their business. What i would suggest is saying that you are very worried about them and that you would like them to seek help, the best would be going to the doctors or even to the hospital. And then ask them to promise you that they will go there. Most people will stick to their word no matter how they feel.

Its really good that you have helped support them and comfort them, they are very lucky to have you as a friend. It would have been very difficult for them to talk about it with you so they must trust you quite a lot. You said that you havent eaten or slept since you found out. Looking after yourself is important too.

I will also say this. I had a not very close friend want to end her life. She told me in detail about it. I have talked to many people who have wanted to end their life but with her I couldnt help at all and was helpless and she needed help. In the end I broke her trust and told her sister. I saved her life by doing that. My friend hated me because of that but i saved her by doing that. If you feel that your friend is in immediate danger I would suggest asking them to promise that they wont do anything to hurt them self at all tonight. Then asking them if they have done anything to hurt them self already. Then suggest that they talk to a mental health support line or webchat like i suggested to you in this thread and say that you are worried about them and what you told us. That they mean the world to you over and over and that you cant lose them. If you feel that you cant help or are really worried about their safety tell someone, a parent, a sister or brother who is an adult or if needed ring the emergency number and tell them. Its better to break their trust than to lose them.

Having said all of that remember that they are independent of you. You cannot control their actions. You arent responsible for them nor their actions. Im sorry that you have to go through this it can be really hard to help someone who wants to end their life and even more so if they are a close friend like this person is. (&&&)(*hug*)