How (and how often) do you/did you experience dysphoria?

what tends to trigger dysphoria for you?

Normally I get dysphoria from being around other people, I am only out to my friends that I talk to online so the ouside world sees me as a girl. I hear every single female pronoun, gendered word, and my name. Its like a slap to the face every single time they say it, I feel like im living this double life its a giant lie. Being unable to bind also triggers it when I am out in public well really anywhere. Seeing myself in the mirror and seeing this stranger staring back at me also makes my dysphoria pretty bad, I try my best to find anything non feminine about my face but only makes things worse. I just wish I and other people could see the real me hidden inside but I cant let him out not yet.
Another thing that used to trigger it pretty badly was when I was with my ex-bf before I came out to him. Hearing all the compliments about how adorable I am and how pretty I was would sting. Being treated as the girl in the relationship just felt weird and I am glad I came out to him because he now one of my most supportive friends!
Sometimes I feel like my dysphoria isn't as bad as other trans people which leads to a ton of doubts. But I am glad I discovered this site because I learned everyone handles it differently.

do you experience it all the time? If not, do you feel comfortable in your assigned at birth gender once in a while?

I do experience it most of the time but it can get pretty mild! Sometimes I wake up telling myself I was crazy and not really trans but then everything kicks in. I feel like I have this little voice in my head that constantly reminds me 24/7. I think its most mild when I am talking to friends and they use the right pronouns for me. I think my dysphoria really depends on if I am with family or not. I think its one reason I prefer to be up all night and sleep all day. I get to be the real me at night with my friends, while during the day I am forced into this role that I don't want to be. I don't think I ever feel truly comfortable as female sure I could just get through life being unhappy, but what I want is to live as male and be seen as one.

what is more severe/easier to trigger, social, or body dysphoria? Both? Which of the two bothers you most?

I think for me social is a lot worse than body currently. Sometimes both can be pretty severe but social is extremely easy to trigger. It has gotten so bad I don't want to even leave the house, I stay inside as much as I can. I just don't want to face the outside world or even my family in the current state I am in.

Even though my dysphoria is pretty bad I try my best to keep hoping for the future! I have everything pretty much planned out about transitioning in the future. First I need to come out to my family and see a therapist but I really want to start T in the next two years. Later on I want top surgery and possibly bottom surgery!

I am ready to live my life as I was meant to and I am going to try my hardest to get there! :icon_bigg

I am happy to have answered these questions helped me put some thoughts down in writing.
(*hug*)

 

I'm gonna go ahead and say that I've spent the better part of an hour trying to figure out how to answer these questions and just am finding a very hard time. Mostly because I am not sure what does/does not count as dysphoria.

what tends to trigger dysphoria for you?
I don't know. Seems to be random and what bothers me today I might not care about tomorrow.

do you experience it all the time? If not, do you feel comfortable in your assigned at birth gender once in a while?
No, I don't experience it all the time. In fact a lot of the time it is so mild that I can ignore it easily enough. Doesn't mean I am fine with my assigned gender. When I think about growing old and dying as a woman, that is when it becomes a problem. But currently I view this body as male, and it just developed a bit differently and will take time to become what it was suppose to be.

what is more severe/easier to trigger, social, or body dysphoria? Both? Which of the two bothers you most?
Saying as I rarely experience social dysphoria then I guess I will have to say body is the easier to trigger.
Neither of the two bother me most. What bothers me the most is the mental/emotional dysphoria, but it wasn't an option that you listed. It is the constant belief that I should of been male, the constant longing and desire that is always there brewing under the surface even when I'm not that aware of it. It is what causes me to think about being transgender 24/7. It is what has me looking in the mirror and seeing only a male gender person, even if my body does not drive me up a while for it's "femaleness" I see it as male and will make be seen by everyone that way one day.

 

what tends to trigger dysphoria for you?
Hmm...not being able to bind or not being able to have a 100% flat chest (using sports bras never works 100% for me ), hearing my birth name or female pronouns and being referred to as a girl, looking in the mirror or accidentally touching a feminine part of my body such as my hips.

do you experience it all the time? If not, do you feel comfortable in your assigned at birth gender once in a while?
I experience social dysphoria basically 24/7, I experience physical dysphoria often but not always. I don't exactly feel comfortable with my assigned gender but less uncomfortable, I guess.

what is more severe/easier to trigger, social, or body dysphoria? Both? Which of the two bothers you most?
I think that social dysphoria is easier to trigger but I'm sort of used to feeling uncomfortable about my birth name and pronouns so physical dysphoria bothers me slightly more than social + there's nothing I can really do about my body right now which also sucks (I'm a teen living with anti-LGBT parents so I'm unable to transition)

 

In general - it's mostly background static, pretty bad background static, that spirals me into anxious thinking and stuff... Sometimes I have really acute dysphoria, but not as much as I used to now that I've dedicated some effort to alleviate it.

 

i feel it always at some level. several time a day it reaches higher levels. using the bathroom & showering triggers a deep self loathing & anger towards people in my past who could have supported me. also when i use a woman's restroom in public.

 

- what tends to trigger dysphoria for you?

Wearing girl clothes/clothes that make me look feminine, not being able to bind, descriptions of anatomy, restrooms, swimming pools

- do you experience it all the time? If not, do you feel comfortable in your assigned at birth gender once in a while?

No. I rarely feel "comfortable" with my assigned sex, but there are times when I can ignore it.

- what is more severe/easier to trigger, social, or body dysphoria? Both? Which of the two bothers you most?

I've been stealth for a while, so I rarely get socially dysphoric anymore. Getting misgendered by family doesn't really bother me too much most of the time because I'm living as a guy everywhere else. When I am dysphoric, body dysphoria is way worse for me.

 

What triggers my dysphoria most often is when I'm being called a woman. I'm rather okay with it most of the time but then a stranger calls me a woman, lady, or something like that and it just unexpectedly explodes in me. I have no idea if there are times when I'm more sensitive to it, or if it gradually accumulates and then erupts. It's like people don't see the real me and I feel completely invisible, as if I don't even exist. It usually triggers hatred towards my body, especially my chest, sometimes I get pretty angry. I experience dysphoria rarely though but the truth is that I stay home most of the time so my interaction with people is cut to minimum.
There are other little things, probably not exactly what would be classified as dysphoria, but I can get upset about them too; some of them are really weird. Maybe I watch too much TV crime drama but for example I'm bothered by the idea that if I was killed and they found my skeleton years later after decomposition the pathologist would say the victim was a female. :eusa_doh:

 

What tends to trigger dysphoria for you?
Reading too much about trans stuff in a short time, showers, getting (intentionally) misgendered, folk using my trans status as another reason to label me "weird", trans chasers trying to get into my pants, older guys patronizing me, and some nightmares.

Do you experience it all the time? If not, do you feel comfortable in your assigned at birth gender once in a while?
I usually experience dysphoria when I encounter situations that remind me I'm a trans guy. Or maybe dysphoria's usually on a low level and sometimes spikes/high. I'm never comfortable with my assigned birth gender.

What is more severe/easier to trigger, social, or body dysphoria? Both? Which of the two bothers you most?
Social's more frequent and weaker and body's stronger. Sometimes one leads to the other.

 

What tends to trigger dysphoria for you?
Misgendering, definitely, whether it's intentional or not. Comparing myself to other transguys ("He's been on hormones for only two months and his voice is already deeper than mine bla bla bla"). Focusing too much on my body and what it feels like. Thinking I'll never be "one of the guys", which I don't necessarily want but still...

Do you experience it all the time? If not, do you feel comfortable in your assigned at birth gender once in a while?
When I wasn't out and was still getting misgendered all the time I thought about it constantly, not one hour could pass without thinking about it. Now I still think about being trans everyday, but I can forget about it for a few hours. It's always there though and I've never felt comfortable with my assigned gender, just because I don't experience dysphoria right now doesn't mean I've accepted my assigned gender.

What is more severe/easier to trigger, social, or body dysphoria? Both? Which of the two bothers you most?
Definitely social dysphoria, as one wrong word could ruin my whole day. My body dysphoria is more low-key and it's kinda weird. I mean I've tried to come to terms with not having a penis, but other people who don't know I'm trans finding out would be a million times worse, so I guess that would be more of a social aspect.

 

To wake up and feel the body. Then I look at the mirror and gets worse. I go to the shower and try to ignore it, but it doesn't go away, it gets worse because you need to touch your own body. Then I get dressed, nothing ever fits. When I go out to work, or just on the streets, I pass as long as I don't talk too much or have to show my ID. Then I'll get missgendered and dysphoria will strike. At lunch I see other guys and I feel dysphoria, because I'll never look like them. I also see lots of girls I'd love to ask to get out, but the knowledge of how hopeless it is makes my dysphoria have a huge party at my expense. ... And of course the obligatory hormonal changes that fuck me up on a regular basis.

I'd rather not talk about sex... Or the lack of it.

Yes. I think it's quite obvious... I used to think it was a normal feeling by the way, that everyone felt just the same.

When I abuse the so called female privilege and get away with many things, while thinking "You poor son of a bitch, if you only knew...", then I say I can have a good laugh sometimes
I only do this with men, by the way, out of deep and rotten envy. Strangely it always makes my dysphoria kick my arse so hard, I inmediatly regret it, and wish I had just not missused what I hate most of myself. It gives you the impression, you do need to be someone you don't want to be in order to just be in the world. It makes you just hate yourself.

To me it's both. I feel all the time the body, the hormonal changes,etc... That is when I'm on my own. As soon as I go outside and interact with the world, social dysphoria kicks in too. Both seem to me bad enough, I can't pick one.

 

So, let's get the essential background out of the way. I'm a DMAB non-binary bisexual who, if you can even consider what I'm doing a "transition", I've only just begun.

My pronouns flux. I generally pass as my birth gender, and for the sake of the general public, government docs, the job, and that, it's male identifiers, male pronouns, and I expect folks in this context to just consider me male. After all, if I'm going to pass as my birth gender, then I expect those I'm passing to to acknowledge me as such.

I'm slowly transitioning towards something more in-between what is typically seen as "male" and "female". In my mind, I kind of see myself more as a butch lesbian who just happens to be DMAB. So, there's a part of me that sees myself as feminine, and there's a social desire for those I care about most to see me that way, as well. I'm just only beginning to move in that direction, however. So, in this context, pronouns flux. I'm not uncomfortable being called "he/him", per se, but ideally, I want to push more towards being called "she/her".

I have no intention to transition medically. I'll spare you details on exactly why. It's just not something I feel I want or need at this point.

I'm still not entirely sure what dysphoria I exactly have. I only seem to notice I've had a dysphoria at all when I've managed to remove it, if that makes sense. For example, I recently changed my pronouns on a social media site from "he" to "she", and I notice, there's a certain feeling I get seeing "[SpiderGwen] has changed her profile pic" that feels... right. Another example is that, here, I call myself SpiderGwen, where almost everywhere else I post, I use a name that's more closely identified with my birth gender. There's a certain satisfaction I get from seeing my avatar and that people here call me "Gwen" (even though, even if I do decide someday that I want to change my name, it'll probably never be Gwen). So, it does exist. I've seen what it's like when I'm relieved of it, so if I feel a relief from something, it only goes to stand that, hey, maybe this makes me feel dysphoric.

So, with that out of the way...

- what tends to trigger dysphoria for you?
- Being misgendered as "female" by people who I'm clearly presenting as "male" to and don't otherwise know me beyond what they can see. I get this a lot with customer service folks over the phone. For whatever reason, I'm constantly misgendered over the phone despite clearly presenting a predominantly male name (my real name is actually one of the most common male names there is, so there's no reason to misgender me based on it) and what, to me, does not sound at all like a feminine voice. Yet, even after I correct them over the phone, even after telling them my real name (again, one of the most common male names in the English language), after even going as far as to identify myself as "male" to these people (because sometimes, they ask you that), I'm still called "ma'am". And this angers me to no end. Why? Because I've done everything society has asked me to do in order to present myself to you as "male" in this situation. I have even specifically asked you, in some cases, to refer to me in male terms. Whether or not I choose in other contexts to be referred to in feminine terms is none of your business. You have been presented with a "male". Please, respect my wishes, as I've done everything necessary to present myself in compliance with society's definition of being "male" in this situation. You have no right to call me "ma'am" when I've clearly presented and defined myself as "male" in the context of this situation. I not only see this as a clear violation, but it rages up the dysphoria because, even when I comply with my designated gender at birth, people are undermining it, and thus, undermining my identity. It pisses me off, and it makes me feel as if I'm seen as less than human. It's not a mistake. You were given an obviously common male name. My voice is not that high and there's nothing inherently feminine about it. I do not see your misgendering as a "mistake". I see it, at best, as careless. At best

- I also experience this any time my birth gender acts as a barrier between me being accepted by women as a friend, or embraced in feminine spaces. When a friend of mine suggests that I'm uncomfortable going out shopping with her because "he's a guy" or how it's almost always obvious that I can't have as close of a friendship with a woman as I would a man because I'm DMAB.

- I experience it any time I find myself in a discussion concerning feminism, and in the very real ways that I've experienced the backhand of patriarchy in ways that could logically be considered similar to a woman. #YesAllWomen kicked it pretty high, because a lot of these women tweeting with this hashtag were recalling things I experienced as the "boy" in the boy's locker room who never felt comfortable in there. The "boy" who constantly had bathroom stall doors kicked in on him as a child and teen because I chose to sit down to pee in a stall rather than stand at the urinals like the others. To the point that it was a complex. I'd have doors kicked in, boys jumping over the stall walls or under the door to peep in, treating me as if I were secretly a girl trying to hide a vagina.

- That I spent a decent chunk of my life being excluded by boys because I supposedly did things "like a girl". Meanwhile, I'd be excluded by the girls all the same.

- when I'm out with guys or mixed company, and it ends up being revealed that I'm into something particularly "girly". Like admitting to liking the L Word or watching Sex in the City. Or singing Madonna, Lady Gaga and Adele songs at karaoke. With my best friends, it's a joke. It's what makes me me, and they just consider it a quirk, I guess. But the fact its even brought up at all, that I'm not like the rest of them.

- do you experience it all the time? If not, do you feel comfortable in your assigned at birth gender once in a while?
- the thing is, yeah. I can be comfortable as a "male" a lot. I have a beard now because i hate shaving during the winter. I actually think I look good with it. I tend to think I like a lot of "guy stuff" too. Action movies and wrestling, stuff like that. I have days where I just feel like a dude, and it doesn't really kill me that I'm more or less forced to identify as male for official and/medical reasons. As far as the general public is concerned, I look like a guy, I sound like a guy, and I'm fine with them seeing me that way. I know better, but still.

- what is more severe/easier to trigger, social, or body dysphoria? Both? Which of the two bothers you most?
- again, for me, it's not so much knowing how they're triggered so much as realizing that I'm not being triggered. I wear my AJ Lee t-shirts and feel... right. Because they're pink and black and girly-punk, and they make me want to explore that side of me more. I see "her" being used to describe me on social media sites and feel better. I see you all calling me "Gwen" and I feel right. I see my avatars online, and they're almost all women. Spider-Gwen, various Pink Power Rangers, or pictures of me that I think I look good in. Even with the beard and the clearly looking male deal. I see that I'm taking steps towards becoming the butch lesbian I see myself as rather than just some schlub of a dude that reminds people of Chris Farley.

So, I guess I'm not sure how to answer this last question. Because, really, I think I feel it all the time, and I'm just trying to figure out how not to feel it, so much.

 

- what tends to trigger dysphoria for you? looking in the mirror or seeing photos of myself is a big trigger. Thinking about how far I am from my goals and the things I stand to lose along the way. Sometimes there isn't a specific trigger, it just happens.


- do you experience it all the time? If not, do you feel comfortable in your assigned at birth gender once in a while? it's always there but it's not always a problem. Some days are worse than others. As for being comfortable in my assigned gender I would say never. I'm good at playing the part and sometimes I feel comfort in knowing that at this stage of my journey I can easily hide behind the mask whenever I want, but any interaction with another person brings on that low level anxiety you get when you lie. I'm never comfortable when I'm in guy mode because even though the person I'm lying to probably wouldn't dream that I'm trans, I know that I'm lying and that i could be found out if I don't keep my guard up. I've gotten some strange looks for saying the wrong thing, like when a cis-female coworker said she had to have new heels she couldn't afford for a wedding because you shouldn't wear a dress with flats, I immediately chimed in with "what kind of dress are you going to wear? You can wear flats if it's something casual like a Sun dress". Yeah, I got some strange looks from the boys that day!

- what is more severe/easier to trigger, social, or body dysphoria? Both? Which of the two bothers you most? I'd say body dysphoria is worse. Feeling like crap in your own skin is hell on earth. I'm very introverted so I don't experience much social dysphoria, mostly just sadness that women treat me like a man when I want to be in the girls club. Being out as gay and talking about boys helps, but mostly I'm just seen as a sympathetic outsider because I don't look like I belong and comments like "yeah boys suck" are seen as sarcasm.

 

I pretty consistently get dysphoria when I look in a mirror or at a pic of me. i used to get dysphoria much worse much more often but I'm slowly beginning to accept my body for what it is.

I never feel comfortable being male but I often just forget about gender entirely. I like me when I'm just me.

---------- Post added 13th Jan 2016 at 09:12 AM ----------

oh I also feel dysphoria every morning when I wake up and move around and realise my body is shaped so weirdly. this also use to be worse.

and I get a lot of anxiety in social situations, some of it is definitely gender dysphoria but it gets lost in the huge dump my brain puts on me.

 

- what tends to trigger dysphoria for you?

Most of my dysphoria stems from my own self-image, usually whenever I see my own reflection. Also social situations which calls my gender to question, such as relationships or times where I am required to "act or think like a man." Times where I am judged for "being a man." Feelings of alienation from my other female peers because they saw me as male. This is to name only a couple examples.

- do you experience it all the time? If not, do you feel comfortable in your assigned at birth gender once in a while?

Not all the time. I've somehow managed to live with it for this long, and only realized these feelings as gender dysphoria recently. I don't experience dysphoria as intensely as others do, but I don't always feel comfortable with my own body. I have a lot of top dysphoria and have the hardest time removing my shirt in public. I wish I had a more feminine chest and a curvier form. I'm fixated on my own reflection whenever I see it and always try to correct it in some one, to my eventual dismay. My lower half doesn't cause me nearly as much distress actually, aside from more...involuntary moments.

- what is more severe/easier to trigger, social, or body dysphoria? Both? Which of the two bothers you most?

Social, more so than body. My fears of being judged, criticized, stared at, or even confronted is what keeps me in guy mode most of the time. I often have to calm my mind and take a couple deep breaths before I go out in public dressed how I truly feel. Thankfully, I've never been "outed" whenever I presented in public, but I fear it might eventually happen and only hope that I can handle it calmly. It's safer for me to be in guy mode, but nothing compares to the euphoric feelings I get when I'm presenting as my true self.

 

what tends to trigger dysphoria for you?

Socially, being called female. Not female directly, but things like, "Sweetheart", "Cutie", "Pretty Girl". I remember going to this haunted house for Halloween and the actors would not stop calling me female-related things. I know they're just actors but it really triggered dysphoria for me. My aunt also calls me her "Beauty Girl", but since I'm not out to anyone in my family but my mom, I'm not gonna try and stop her. Even when I'm out, I don't think I'll have the heart to ask her. Maybe when I start growing a beard in the future she'll finally stop on her own.

Physically, my chest. Unfortunately I have DDs, and actually on the first day of gym class this semester, I tried to making myself feel better by saying, "I can't have the biggest chest in here, at least."

I did.

That made me feel so terrible. I had the horrible realization that my chest was bigger than most cis girls. The weight of them alone is enough to trigger me sometimes.

As for bottom dysphoria, it's not that bad, and I'm glad it isn't. Because I know I'll never have a real penis. but with top surgery, I can get a real, flat chest. I think being a gay trans guy helps with bottom dysphoria... I don't exactly plan on penetrating anyone anytime soon.

do you experience it all the time? If not, do you feel comfortable in your assigned at birth gender once in a while?

Yes. Sometimes it's barely there, other times it's so bad I have a large panic attack, but it's always there. I haven't been content with my birth gender since puberty.

what is more severe/easier to trigger, social, or body dysphoria? Both? Which of the two bothers you most?

Social is worse than body dysphoria, although both are pretty bad. Social is worse because I have to put on a "character", so-to-speak, as a straight girl in school, just so I won't be bullied. I have to stay in character for the next three years.

 

What tends to trigger dysphoria for you?

Well, lots of things. Probably the most frequent would be clothing. I can tell if it isn't fitting "right" even if I'm not looking. And sometimes I'll pass by a window or something and suddenly notice how feminine I look, even with a decent outfit.

I spend most of my time by myself, so it's also just how I feel at that time... I suppose I mean, the sense of how my body is positioned in my environment. For example I have terrible posture, so I'll try to straighten my back, and suddenly notice my chest. Or I'll be lying in bed and notice things down there aren't lining up how I might expect (I tend to have a side-sleeping pillow-between-the-knees configuration lol).

I only realized this once I cut it off, but having the sensation of long hair was a strong source of dysphoria for me, probably since in my family, Women Have Long Hair and Men Have Short Hair and That Is How Things Are Done. Even shoulder-length was considered too short, so for years I did it up really tight in a ponytail and almost never took it down, even if I was supposed to shower. Shaving my legs has a similar feeling, probably again because women of my family are expected to have shaved legs at all times.

Seeing photos/video of myself or hearing a recording of my voice also sucks. Being called "Ma'am, Sweetie, Darling" or anything of that nature.
And, of course this doesn't happen every day, but I will guaranteed be dysphoric if I have to wear feminine clothing (tight-fitting anything, dresses, stockings, etc). I might be OK wearing it if I looked male, but as is, it's just mortifying.
​

Do you experience it all the time? If not, do you feel comfortable in your assigned at birth gender once in a while?

I suppose it's there all the time, it just fluctuates from very strong to almost un-noticeable. And it's possible to ignore it due to tuning it out, or denying that it's happening (eg, my mother used to tell me "All women feel like this about that time of the month," so for some time I did my best and ignored any negative feelings about it.)

When I was younger I might have said I was comfortable being a girl, but as I've figured things out I don't think I really was. I think I was confusing what I was experiencing with a "normal teenage girl" experience... there's some expectation that a girl at that age will have worries about her body and being found attractive and so on (not commenting on if that's a good thing or not, but it's how things are/were at the time).
These days, certainly not, it's uncomfortable for me except from a few very close friends who have known me most of my life.
​

What is more severe/easier to trigger, social, or body dysphoria? Both? Which of the two bothers you most?

It's easier for me to tell if I'm experiencing social dysphoria. But, that does tend to segue into body dysphoria fairly quickly. I'd say overall my body dysphoria is more severe and easier to cause.
Body stuff also bothers me more. In choosing between looking like a man and being called a girl, or keeping what I have and being called correctly, I'd take the first choice. I think I could be fine with most or all of the social aspects if I felt right personally. That's not to say I'd like to be called a girl or anything, I just don't think it would bother me as much as it does now.​

 

What tends to trigger dysphoria for you?

All sorts of things. Days when I can't bind. Being misgendered. Female-coded language. Having to sign my deadname on emails. Clothes that make my body look feminine. Not fitting into men's clothes. Comparing myself to cis men or men on T. Talking when there are cis men around and I remember just how high my voice is. Measuring my waist/chest for clothing size charts. Gaining weight. Existing.

Do you experience it all the time? If not, do you feel comfortable in your assigned at birth gender once in a while?

I have mild dysphoria most days, sometimes much more severe. I rarely, if ever, actually feel comfortable in my body. At best, I feel apathetic.

What is more severe/easier to trigger, social, or body dysphoria? Both? Which of the two bothers you most?

Social dysphoria. I get misgendered and deadnamed a lot. Physical dysphoria isn't as severe for me because my brain is so determined to see my body as male, and my body is fairly androgynous to being with, so it overlooks the parts that aren't supposed to be there. Although some things are just too obvious and can't be overlooked.

Social dysphoria gets triggered whenever I'm misgendered or deadnamed, which happens most days. It reminds me that no one else sees me the way I do. It reminds me that everyone knows I have the body parts I'm not supposed to have.

I think physical dysphoria bothers me most though, even though it's not severe very often, because there's nothing I can do to get rid of it. If I'm misgendered a lot one day, I can just ask my girlfriend to use the right name and pronouns for me extra, and I'll feel better. If my physical dysphoria is bad, there's nothing I can do about it. I can bind and pack and whatever else, but that doesn't change the fact that underneath the binder, my body is still wrong.

 

Let me just start with saying that I love this thread. It's so validating.

- what tends to trigger dysphoria for you?
Literally anything can trigger dysphoria, depending on the day. I looked at a boy's arm the other day and got dysphoric. Hanging out with cis guys? Yup, especially if they're wearing slimmer fitting shirts. Just about anything can make me dysphoric tbh, if only for a couple moments.


- do you experience it all the time? If not, do you feel comfortable in your assigned at birth gender once in a while?
Most of the time usually, in varying degrees. I do occasionally have times where I think i'd be okay with """staying""" a girl, but those thoughts are fleeting.

- what is more severe/easier to trigger, social, or body dysphoria? Both? Which of the two bothers you most?
If you asked me this two weeks ago, I would've said body. But right now, social. Lately i've been hyper aware of pronouns and gendered terms (surprisingly, not hyper aware about birthname yet - but aware enough). I think social bothers me more, maybe because I haven't had it for as long. I've been coping with body dysphoria for like.. A year and a half now? I've gotten used to it.

 

- what tends to trigger dysphoria for you?

Almost everything... hmm, it's gotten a little better but it's still way too much of a running narrative inside.

- do you experience it all the time? If not, do you feel comfortable in your assigned at birth gender once in a while?

I don't live as my assigned gender anymore but when I did, I definitely felt much more comfortable in my assigned gender because it was an empty shell I could hide behind. I didn't care at all if I was "masculine enough" or anything because it just wasn't me. I didn't like being thought of as masculine but that was rare. Stereotyped as male, but not thought of as masculine. So I was pretty indifferent to life in general as a boy. I just didn't really care and had pretty severe depression and dissociation. But I always had a horrible body image, which is partly about being trans partly about abuse partly about EDs and needing to be thin etc.

- what is more severe/easier to trigger, social, or body dysphoria? Both? Which of the two bothers you most?

Social I guess but the two are hard to separate. If I had no body dysphoria I would have much less social dysphoria and vice versa. Since a lot of my social dysphoria is grounded in thinking people will notice the flaws I perceive about my body or reject me for them. <-----that has never been the case so far but the dysphoria remains and I have limited my life a lot in fear of it becoming the case.

In terms of social though, I mean I don't really care what people call me I care how they treat me. If someone struggled with pronouns for some reason (if they knew I was trans) but still accepted me as the person I am, I would live with it. It's more centered around fear of rejection over being trans. I didn't transition to be accepted as a girl per se, I did it in spite of intensely fearing being rejected. I want to be accepted for who I am who happens to be a girl. I guess that's the distinction? Idk. I like to be validated but I want it to be about the things I want to feel valid about, I don't want someone to validate me by telling me I'm like a girl or acknowledging my femaleness. The category isn't what matters to me. I hate having to feel like it's even a question of whether or not I am valid as a girl because I can't change what I am, just be rejected for people deciding it's a choice to be this way or claiming that I'm not actually the way I am.

My body dysphoria is mostly triggered by being reminded I am not cis female and that makes me feel broken, so if I have any problems with fitting clothes, or look at myself in the mirror or pictures, or see girls who are really pretty or really thin, or pay too much attention to myself or my voice, then I struggle a lot. I try to put it out of my mind as much as possible otherwise, I haven't really made peace with the existence of my body yet at all. I tend to pretend it's not there but I avoid way too much... :/