Alright. I have been questioning my gender for the past month and a half, and I'm still very uncertain. I've watched more YouTube videos and read more website articles and blogs than I care to count. Now I have come here hoping to find some answers. Taking the advice of another transguy, I wrote down all the reasons why I could be FtM, and then all the reasons why I might not be. I'm going to list them here, and if anyone wants to help me out, I would be greatly appreciative. Why I could be FtM - As a kid, I never felt comfortable hanging out with feminine girls or talking about feminine things - I HATE stereotypical female clothing - I have never felt comfortable in clothing that displays my body - After puberty, I felt so so so uncomfortable wearing bathing suits in public, or even at my house (applies particularly to two-piece suits, I always felt I needed to wear a shirt over it). - Never felt comfortable bra shopping - or underwear shopping, or bathing suit shopping - I've always preferred shirts and jeans with tennis shoes like Vans or Converse - Always felt uncomfortable in skinny jeans - After puberty, I always felt uncomfortable in shorts that went above my knees and showed my legs. - I've always liked the look of button up shirts that med had and wanted to wear them too. - Since I have started wearing men's clothing, I feel so much more comfortable and confident in my appearance. - During any formal event, I would have preferred to wear a men's suit rather than what the women were wearing - I've always felt envious of guys my age when I see them in formal clothing - I have that "I want to wear that" sensation - All the time I was growing up, I HATED when my parents took me clothes shopping. But now that I've started pulling clothes from the men's side, I enjoy it. - I was always self-conscious of my long hair. - No matter if my hair was straightened or curled, it never felt right - I hated feminine hair styles - When I cut off my hair for the first time months ago, it felt like the biggest freaking relief of my life - I liked the way I looked for once. - Even after I cut it into a pixie cut, I still wanted to make it shorter... and shorter... and shorter. And now it looks like s guy's cut and I love it. - I rarely did anything with my hair when it was long because I didn't care about it. Now I take the time to put gel in it and make it look good. - I'm open to taking pictures and selfies now that I have short hair. - I never took pictures after puberty - I literally have no images of myself from 13 on, because I hated how I looked so much - Never felt comfortable with my external appearance - any reference to my female parts by family member, friends, etc made me more than just uncomfortable, it made me feel ashamed - Female words like "miss", "ma'am", "madame", "young lady" or "woman" have always felt awkward when applied to me - I don't know if I see myself growing old as a man or woman, but I know I'd prefer it to be as a man. - I want to wear a tuxedo to my wedding - Being called "he" or "sir" makes me excited and gives me a sense of fulfillment. - Being called "she" or "ma'am" makes me disappointed - I never used perfume as a female, but I love wearing men's cologne and smelling like a guy - Even when I did wear makeup, I never felt pretty and it made me uncomfortable when other girls referred to me as such - I told my dad a couple times as a younger teenager, "Why didn't you make me a guy? Things would be easier for me". - Growing up I played with either gender neutral or masculine toys (dinosaurs were my favorite) - I hated Barbies and dolls (the idea of playing with them disgusted me) - I loved the label "tomboy" - Getting my period caused a whole lot of emotions for me, but the one chief among them was shame. I had spent time praying to god that I'd never get it, that I didn't want it, and I convinced myself that i would be a biological exception. - When my stepmother showed me how to use a pad for the first time and she said "Congratulations, you are now a woman" it made me feel even worse. - The idea of me getting pregnant and growing into a mother sickens me - When I picture a baby of mine being born, I see myself standing on the side of the bed, rather than being on the bed birthing the baby myself - The idea of me walking down the aisle in a wedding dress sickens me - Anytime I've ever registered on an internet website or forum, I've chosen an avatar with a male character, or a gender neutral one. - In every show or movie I've seen, my favorite character has always been a guy. I never look up to or idolize the females - I watch FtM transition videos and think "I want to be you" incessantly - Whenever I played with toys, I wanted mine to be male. - I want to remove my breasts - I want facial hair - I want a deeper voice - I want to be seen as a guy - I think I'd be more comfortable with my body if it were masculine - If given the opportunity to change my sex right now and live with the decision for the rest of my life, I'd choose to be a guy without hesitation - The first time a female coworker called me handsome, I really felt it. I like it when they call me that now. - I feel more comfortable flirting with girls than I do with guys. Reasons I might not be FtM -I didn't call myself a boy when I was a child, and I didn't know I was different as a toddler - I'm a bit of a coward. I'm not sure I see myself as a protector or whatever. I'm not very masculine. I'm afraid of a lot. - I don't like sports - I don't work out - I don't know if I think of myself as a guy, I just really want to be one - I'm 19 and just now thinking about all this - What if it's just a phase? - I have more female friends than male ones. Always have. - I still like guys.
Of course you are the only one who can decide who you are but I feel like you may be trans! All the the reasons you might not be are perfectly okay, I fit into most of those reasons and I still see myself as a guy. Just do whatever feels right to you and I am sure you will figure everything out! Good luck and if you ever want to talk or anything can always post on my wall(after you hit 10 posts of course) (*hug*)
I don't know much about gender so I'm sorry if I say anything wrong. You sound like you are ftm, but just like anything else gender/sexuality related, only you can find that out. Also keep in mind that not all men like sports, and things like that are character traits that really don't have much to do with your actual gender. Some girls like sports, some boys don't. It's a matter of preference that has little to do with gender. There are lots of posts on here that say "I don't know if I am (non-cis/ non-straight) because I never questioned as a child." I really think that people find out in their own way, in their own time. Your desire to be a male does sound like it is strong, and it's very likely that you are ftm, or at least nonbinary. Also, you say you're nineteen noticing all this but you describe levels of discomfort of identifying the same gender as your birth sex in your early teens- which shows the feeling was there for a while, you never knew what to call it. I've felt similarly as a child, about my sexuality. I never knew that LGBT people existed, and so I never thought it was a possibility to NOT be. Straight was the only way to go...and maybe that could be the reason you are questioning late? "I still like guys"- Gender and sexuality is separate. You don't have to be trans straight to be transgender. This isn't a statistic or anything but most trans people I've met are bi or pansexual. "I have more female friends than male" While it appears to be more common for people to hang out with people of the same gender, it isn't always that way. It's a poor indication of what your real gender is
The only one who can say if you are ftm is you, but I do think you lean that way. You sound a lot like me, and I was 22 when I finally decided to look into all the nagging thoughts and feelings. I also am a gay trans man meaning I date men. Most of my friends are female. Ever notice how gay mean tend to have lots of female friends? (At least the ones I know, not all of them do). As well, I was raised female so its to be expected. I don't like sports either unless its soccer, never understood the love for the whole american football thing. Buy one of my friends (who is a girl) is completely nuts about it. So I'm saying, you aren't alone. There are many men, cis and trans, who hate sports and don't work out and are terrified of things. That men have to like these things are just stereotypes and not really gender identity. And as someone has pointed out, while you are only just now questioning you show a lot of signs of being uncomfortable since you were a child or when puberty set in. A lot.of trans people are this way as well. There is no set age to finding out. There are people who knew since they were kids and there are those who only figured it out when they were 70. Bit the only one who can really tell is you
If it helps, I was 19 when I started really being confused about my gender (like, I started noticing what I was thinking about and not really liking it because it 'wasn't normal') and 21 when I started really looking into it. You've literally named pretty much every reason I had for being trans. I'm not saying we're the same and you definitely are, but they could very well be strong indicators. Gender and sexuality aren't the same. You can be staight, gay, bi, pan, ace, etc, just like any other, cis or trans. But, like sexuality, gender can be fluid. You might think differently. Given how strongly you feel (with things sickening you), I don't think you will. At least, not so drastically that you can call it a phase. Maybe as you grow used to who you are, you might look at things a little differently. I hope this helps.
I know I'm not supposed to tell you what you are and we're just supposed to guide you in the right direction and ask questions cuz we can't know your identity for sure and yada yada yada. But you're ftm. Do you see your own list? Do you see how massive the "Why I could be FtM" part is? You want to be male physically. You want to be male socially. Your list of reasons you think you're a trans guy is huge. You said yourself, "I really want to be [a guy]". And honestly, your list of reasons you think you're not FtM are mostly stereotypes. To address them individually: I didn't call myself a boy when I was a child, and I didn't know I was different as a toddler. Neither did I. Lots of people don't know they're trans when they're really young. It's really common to start showing signs of being trans around puberty because that's when most of the changes that cause dysphoria happen. Especially if your bottom dysphoria isn't severe and you fit okay into female social roles, it's not unusual at all to not know as a kid. I'm a bit of a coward. I'm not sure I see myself as a protector or whatever. I'm not very masculine. I'm afraid of a lot. I don't like sports. I don't work out. There are all just stereotypes. I know lots of cis guys who don't like sports or don't want to be protectors. Doesn't make them not guys. I don't know if I think of myself as a guy, I just really want to be one. You really want to be a guy physically and socially. That's really all that matters. Some people describe really feeling like their gender on the inside, but I've never known what that felt like. It's not a requirement. I'm 19 and just now thinking about all this. I know a lady who didn't realize she was trans until she was about 70. She's still definitely trans. People figure it out at different ages. What if it's just a phase? I've gone through a lot of labels, but I've been pretty certain I was trans for about two years now, and I still worry all the time that it's just a phase. The doubt is really hard to get rid of. But you've been showing signs of dysphoria since puberty. It's not just going to go away. I have more female friends than male ones. Always have. You were raised with the assumption that you would have female friends. It's not surprising that you do. Also, girls are nice. Why shouldn't guys be friends with girls? I still like guys. So do I. Gay and bi trans guys exist. Try not to doubt yourself so much. You made this massive list of reasons you might be a trans guy. You said you wanted to be a guy. I think you know what you are.
I second what Jesse said. A lot of the things you mentioned are general stereotypes. I would say that if you wanted to be a guy, then I'd say you're FTM.
Thank you everyone for your responses. I think I'm at the borderline of accepting that I'm FtM, but those doubts still hold me back a little bit.
All those sentences that start with "I felt uncomfortable" or "I hated" or "made me feel self fonscious" or " didn't feel right" or "it sickens me to think" are clear signs that you suffer from fairly severe gender dysphoria. If you identify as male and suffer from gender dysphoria, you are considered to be trans by definition. However, be patient with yourself as It can take time to deal with the doubts and accept yourself fully. I know how hard it can be and even when everything is clearly pointing to a certain direction, our mind finds ways to rationalize the evidence away and it can be so frustrating. Most of us here have been through such a period of breaking down the walls of doubts. It's normal and you will eventually feel ready to move forward in your journey towards transitioning. (*hug*)
I think you are leaving out all the other genders. Have you ever thought of you like not-female but not a male? Most of what you write look like you don't want to be a girl, and so, a boy body would be cool. I feel that too. Broad shoulders. No hips, no breasts. Sounds cool, right? Look, when you are trans you are happy with whatever is NOT a girl. I love when someone uses male pronouns, and I'm not even male lol.
Take everything in your own time. Define yourself on your own terms. Life is too short to waste time being anything other than yourself.
