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"A bi woman will always choose the man"

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by thewolf, Jan 1, 2016.

  1. thewolf

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    I hear this a lot... In addition, the majority of bi women I've heard of, excepting only two, ended up with men and/or exclusively dated them.

    Sometimes I feel like being bi would make me "kind of" queer, but if I settle down with a man, (statistically, chances are I will), how much will who I fantasize about matter?

    I like the idea of settling down with a girl a lot, but I will admit the appeal of, "And this'll be my house, and this'll be my career, and this'll be my husband", just like in media, but for me. Basically, I buy the life that TV is selling.

    I don't know what to think about this, what I should end up doing, and how queer I am after all.
     
  2. WanderingMind

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    (*hug*)
    I'm in a very different circumstance than you... married to the love of my life for 25 years and counting, and recently discovered my bisexuality. It's been a difficult journey, and thankfully, seems to have recently turned a corner to a happier place. However, there are some things that probably are the same. I *do* fantasize, a lot, about women. Part of my pain and angst was about self-acceptance, but a significant part linked to whether *he* would accept this. The good news is that he does accept it. If he didn't feel that way, my fantasies might matter A WHOLE LOT. As it turns out, they are simply another part of who I am, and another part of who we are together.

    We tend to want what we want. Does your queerness need to be quantified, or are you able to accept that it's a part of you, however large or small? I think you might want to make sure that if you are with someone, regardless of their gender, they know that there's a side of you that will long for/fantasize about what you don't have, and be willing to work through this *with* you. Does that make sense?
     
  3. Lipstick Leuger

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    Except for me, I totally left a man for a woman.......
     
  4. Open Arms

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    Hmmm. No, I think a bi woman will choose the one she is in love with, be that a man or a woman.
     
  5. Lipstick Leuger

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    I agree. This is simply a way to be Biphobic and discriminate against Bisexuals. My youngest is Bi and has been with her boyfriend for almost two years. People always accuse her of NOT being Bi because she is with a male. It frustrates her to no end.
     
  6. setnyx

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    i have heard alot of women do pick men eventually. hetersexual privilege hs alot to do with it imo
     
  7. Pret Allez

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    This as an abusive thing that some lesbians say.
     
  8. thewolf

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    I think the fact is, most people are straight, of the people you like, the ones who will like you back will be mostly straight, ie, opposite sex.

    Like I said, my internalized issues are less, "am I really bi", more like, " need I call myself queer, am I queer enough, will it matter in 45 years", etc.
     
  9. SHACH

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    In my vision of my future, I would much rather end up with a woman. The most likely reasons I might end up with a man are 1. I am just more likely to meet more straight men than queer women 2. I may fall completely in love with a man. Heterosexual privelidge is not something I really think about.
     
  10. justine16

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    Being any on the initials of LGBTQIAP+ makes you queer enough. Don't let others dictate your queerness. One of best friends is a bi girl and she proudly calls herself queer even though she has had at least three long term boyfriends and only one girlfriend (for like a month). She is just as queer as a full lesbian.

    ---------- Post added 1st Jan 2016 at 07:27 PM ----------

    I found it interesting how the stereotype for bi men is just the opposite. A lot of people think that bi guys end up with men. Which is just a stupid stereotype.
     
  11. gravechild

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    If that's the case, there are a whole lot of exceptions to the rule!

    And even if they did, so what? You're not entitled to shift your sexuality in order to please and be accepted by others. It's bad enough outside of the queer community; we shouldn't have to put up with it inside.
     
  12. Vav

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    It's kind of the same stereotype. People tend to believe that bi people are only truly into men. Along with the one dick rule. It basically means that men and straight girls can experiment with women and keep their identity, but straight men and lesbians can't keep their identity if they experiment with men.
     
  13. FootballFan101

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    TBH I hope I'm bi or pan because I am already LGBT so it wont chanhe anything, AND I get to feel thglory of sexual attraction to both males and females and maybe NBS
     
  14. OwlofPower

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    My female bisexual friend has a heavy preference for women, and is currently in a relationship with my other female bisexual friend! :icon_bigg

    But regardless, if someone who is bisexual wants to be in a relationship with someone of the opposite gender, then they should be able to do just that without being demonized. This whole "not queer enough" BS needs to stop. Everyone has a preference as to how they want to live their life, and just because someone who is bisexual wants to be in a heterosexual relationship doesn't make them any less bisexual. It's the same in reverse as well. Do what works for you. :eusa_danc
     
  15. biAnnika

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    Basically, a woman who is a Kinsey-2 or below would probably choose a man. A woman who is a Kinsey-4 or above, would probably choose a woman. And since a 3 could theoretically go either way equally often, they'd probably be slightly biased in the direction of men for reasons of social ease/acceptability.

    So "always" is just wrong. But "usually" is believable.
     
  16. HentaiMaster23

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    It's not true a Bisexual Woman will end up with the one she loves whether it's a guy or a gal
     
  17. SpiderGwen

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    I have that sort of suburban, white picket fence sort of fantasy, too. Marry a good woman, adopt kids, all that jazz. Not that I could ever afford to live there, now, but hey... that's the fantasy.

    This is, I'm DMAB non-binary and bisexual, so... maybe I don't really count here. Kind of depends on whether y'all accept me as femme enough, I guess. I generally present as male, because I pass as such. But it'd be nice to find someone that I could feel safe enough with to femme more, someone who'd "get" my need to do so, but wouldn't automatically assume I was repressing a desire to transition. Someone who'd defend it when others were dickish about it, who'd actually want me this way. Where it was okay if we were Mrs. and Ms. (with me as Ms., obviously), where it wouldn't be weird to have the conversation where, maybe, I consider taking her name, being collectively known as Mrs. and Ms. (Her Full Name) instead of the supposedly more traditional Mr. and Mrs. (My Full Name). I know it may sound, like, totally insane to some, but, like... it's the fantasy.

    Probably couldn't actually live in the suburbs that way, but again... the fantasy. We'd just be this boring suburban couple with a couple adopted kids, because, like... if I'm going to have kids at all at this point, I think I'd rather adopt, and at this point, adopt older. Because, like, a lot of people want to adopt babies and young kids, and there's older kids and teens that all get looked over because of that, and that sucks. They need families, too, you know? Plus, the whole kids thing is an "if" at this point. I'm not sure I ever really want kids at all, and as silly as this may sound, I think I'm looking for a woman who isn't really wanting to breed, either. Certainly not one who's entire life goals center around it, anyway.

    IDK. I guess, ideally, I kind of want to be seen more as a butch lesbian than as a guy, and really, I don't think I even want to be super butch. I am now because, like, it's how I pass, and passing is kind of a thing I need to be able to do now because I don't feel safe, I don't feel confident, and I don't feel like I have someone who'd really have my back on this. I also know that, right now, I don't really "feel myself". I don't think I ever have, and admitting to anyone that I'm non-binary, let alone accepting it myself - it's a fairly new thing. I'm only a few months into the "fully accepting" deal, and I'm only kind of out about it, because I know I'm surrounded by people who just don't get it. I hate having to explain it, but, like, here I am, explaining it, because if I don't, then no one will ever know.

    But I can kind of see how folks think bisexuals are more likely to end up in something resembling hetero relationships, because, like, the fantasy is just that - the appearance of heteronormativity, but not actually being it, like, at all.
     
    #17 SpiderGwen, Jan 3, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2016
  18. driedroses

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    I think it's more bi-erasure than probably what is really "normal" - because a woman with a man is perceived to be straight and a woman with a woman is perceived to be a lesbian. At this point in my life, I'm much happier with the idea of being with a woman, partly because I've had plenty of experiences with men and mostly because I've found a woman I want to be with.

    I also wonder, though, if the "most bisexual women" thing comes from the ideal of childbearing - it's generally much easier in a heterosexual relationship. I don't know where I would be if I were in my twenties with no children and exploring my sexuality - I might choose a man so I could have kids. I also wonder if marriage equality in the US and other places might change the statistic, because the married, white picket fence ideal can now be reality with any person.
     
  19. darkcomesoon

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    Marriage isn't the only relationship that counts. If you date women, those relationships are significant, even if you don't marry a woman. You are "queer enough" if you want to be. You can call yourself queer if you want to. You can call yourself whatever you want, but just know that you definitely "qualify".

    I'm bi. I'll probably marry a woman. My sexuality matters regardless. I'm not any less bisexual because I'll end up in a "straight" relationship. I'll still be a bisexual guy who happens to be a in a super long term relationship with a woman.

    The idea that you're not bi anymore when you're a woman in a relationship with a man (or vice versa) is biphobia. Lots of people believe this, but it's messed up and it's wrong. You're bi whether you're in a relationship with a woman, or a man, or no one. And since you're bi, you get to call yourself queer if you want to reclaim that word.
     
  20. darkcomesoon

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    Marriage isn't the only relationship that counts. If you date women, those relationships are significant, even if you don't marry a woman. You are "queer enough" if you want to be. You can call yourself queer if you want to. You can call yourself whatever you want, but just know that you definitely "qualify".

    I'm bi. I'll probably marry a woman. My sexuality matters regardless. I'm not any less bisexual because I'll end up in a "straight" relationship. I'll still be a bisexual guy who happens to be a in a super long term relationship with a woman.

    The idea that you're not bi anymore when you're a woman in a relationship with a man (or vice versa) is biphobia. Lots of people believe this, but it's messed up and it's wrong. You're bi whether you're in a relationship with a woman, or a man, or no one. And since you're bi, you get to call yourself queer if you want to reclaim that word.