I've been good at hiding my feeling over the years. Keeping a lid on things. Getting on with life. Every now and then emotions would boil over. Recently the feeling have been more constant. Do any others who live a heterosexual life get these waves, and how do you cope?
I'm married but only recently admitted to myself that I'm gay. I'm out to my wife and have been to counselling. I though you had a lid on things
I'm married and in the process of divorcing, so I keep my sanity by looking towards the future and getting support from the LGBT community. I no longer keep my sexuality a secret, which has been very liberating itself and allows me to reach out to the LGBT community. If you are in the early phases of acceptance, things can be more challenging. I recall experiencing wild swings of dark masculine energy as my denial began to thaw. You must accept and embrace this energy as part of your journey, as part of your true self. Resistance will only prolong your suffering. Love and accept yourself for being gay.
When I was still married - yes. I could go for long periods of time without give it too much thought, but it would always bubble to the surface again, sometimes to the point where it felt very urgent. If you absolutely have to avoid those feelings, keeping busy and distracted with other stuff helps. But it's not a permanent solution. It's just something you have to deal with. Either that or become some emotionally cut off from your true self that you're not really living your life. I see in your sidebar that you're out to your wife. What's keeping you from taking the next step?
What feelings are you keeping bottled up? And, yes. I do have waves of feelings. At first, I bottled them up and tried to ignore them. That didn't work. I experienced depression. Anxiety. Pain. Finally, I started to talk about them. I talked to my husband (and it sounds like you've talked to your wife). I came here, and found quite a lot of support. Those two things have helped immeasurably, and I've also started to come out in small ways to others in my life. I wear pink/purple/blue (ha! didn't know that those were bi colours, but they are). I have a fabulous pair of purple socks. But, the best and most helpful part has been open communication, and taking time every day to think/reflect/process what I'm going through. To acknowledge it, and let it be real. I hope you're able to find solace here.
Maybe what your going through is a form of mourning? Your mourning the loss of your prior life, while all the emotions you had bottled up are coming out at the same time. I found one of the phases I went through was mourning. It lasted quite some time and raised itself at times when I least suspected it. When it happened, I would have uncontrollable emotional outbreaks. At the same time, there were different things I was mourning at different times, so the process seemed to drag on.